Australia. Wow. If I were to have a conversation about Australia to someone back home it wouldn't last that long. I love the place! Don't get me wrong. But it's like someone from Scotland Moving to England.. or someone from Canada moving to the USA or some shit like that. It's not that different but it's different a little bit.
I just want the big bang. Now. I wanna move to the U.k nowwwwwwww. Today. Australia's great! But fucking come one everytime I meet an Australian it's like hi what can I learn and experience from you neighbour. Oh yeah that's right our a 3 hour plane ride away. Thankyou, let's meet again. I know someone that's moving to Poland in February and that's what I'm talking about.. POLAND. I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THAT PLACE EXCEPT THAT IT STARTS WITH A P. I have family in this country. It's like. Come on. I'm not fully away. I'm only here because it's not New Zealand or Auckwardland for that matter, it is better, but I just wanna fucking go all out. Honestly. Australia. Ok cool good on you Australia. Worst fucking sense of humour in the world. So fucking commercial especially when it comes to music.
Australia has nothing to show for it's movies so they make up for it by making a 'breakthrough' movie called.. wait for it.. AUSTRALIA. Oh my god, it's like, they couldn't; find anything good enough so they went with plan Z and thrashed it. I'm not fazed to see it.
I do appreciate this place. I love being here. And even though I wanna be here for like another year because I haven't accomplished what I want to in Melbourne yet and I'm looking forward to it like fuck, in saying that if everything was my way right now I'd be in STA travel tomorrow walking out with an itinerary for some crazy world hop through the EU then America in a car before settling down in a sweet England town. That isn't London.
But I can't wait for that day. I just wanna go all out. No one at home is worried or like wowed out by much because I'm only in Australia. For fucks sake Australia and NZ are too damn related. I need to fuck off. Honestly. There's a whole shelf of Lonely Planet books here and they are on all the crazy places (mind you theres' over 12 Australian ones, get the fuck over it, it just makes this country look far too backpacker orientated which puts me off AND other travelers in experience) and I'm always looking through them then when I finally shut it and put it back on the shelf I say in my head (well actually, it comes out with no control) WHY THE FUCK AREN'T I THERE?!?!?!?!?????!!
I don't want to have a mind set of 'Ohh theres plenty of time, oh it'll always be there, oh, let's be unmotivated fuckwits that roam around the same 5 streets for the next twenty years and then have a big fat regret because you 'accidentally' forgot to see this amazing world that is yearning for you to visit it and vice versa'
There's no fucking time to lose!! I want to get out of this hemisphere. I want to show people back home that I'm not fucking joking around.
I hate it when my dad says come back, or when are you coming back, or when my mum says, I feel sorry for River sometimes, I don't want you to miss his childhood' (my brother, 10)
Ok, I'll come back mum, to Whangarei. The most banging city in all of New Zealand, I'll get a job (HAHA!), save up, (for what, I have no idea) and I'll be that sister like the ones in the movies, while we get back to our old routine, the one where you yell at me for not getting out of the house enough, or not doing the dishes, or not spending enough time with River (oh right) that just sounds so appealing I think I'll just give the fuck up and move back. Because coming here was one big fat joke.
Seriously. I just wanna show them all that I am a rare species in this family, and I need to show it. I need to show them that I'm not gonna become the same. I can definitely see a bright spark in all us kids of the family and were going to be like the team America of the Evans-Freke gang. I wanna see fucking Turkey, I want to meet my fucking family on my dads side! Isn't it about time??
Why shouldn't I go? I don't understand why people don't realize we live in a world filled with things that are somewhat vital for the human soul, and it's all waiting to be seen by all these fuckers that ignore it. It's total ignorance. Were all running around in tiny circles wondering why our lives are so boring, why? Because we keep running into the same tiny fucking thing we ran over last time while were ignoring this massive world it's like, we wonder. It's like were so stupid. I've learnt so so so so much this year that I have learnt more than all the schooling I can remember. I don't' use anything they tried to teach me in school nowadays.
I've met people from the other side of the world, and I've befriended people that I think what the fuck or where the fuck would I have been or been doing if I didn't meet you? You amazing beautiful creature!!! I could never be more thankful for all the fuckups and weird decisions and scraping by, to have that in return. It's just so worth it.
And this ain't no little holiday to Ozzy. It's just where I'm meant to be while I get myself prepared for the next part. Which will be insane!!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas Eve 2008
This is the first ever Christmas of my life that I won't be around anyone I love. I've been crying so much because I want to go home and be with my family. Christmas Eve is one of those real relaxing nice days you have preparing for Christmas and packing the car or making food and wrapping presents and it's not normal for me. I know that there's gonna be lots of Christmas's like this one but the way everythings turned out has pretty much broken my heart.
Simon was going to spend it with me, yay! Someone I know and love so I can have a nice day but then he left early this morning to get the train to Sydney to be with Ash and the girls without telling me. He just left before I woke up. And I was trying to tell myself he's just gone to the supermarket or he's just doing this he's in the shower and I kept trying to phone him and he wouldn't answer and I was crying and I couldn't believe it then he sent me this:
I told myself last night that if I could get up in time for the train I would go. I'm really sorry. I had a really amazing time last night. I'll call you later. Love u
I just want to be with my family. I just want to go home. I'm sick of trying. I'm over it. My last chance this year and it just fucks me over like the rest. I wann go home so bad. I wanna go today. I wanna just go home and forget every little thing that happened in this country. That's all I want for Christmas.
Simon was going to spend it with me, yay! Someone I know and love so I can have a nice day but then he left early this morning to get the train to Sydney to be with Ash and the girls without telling me. He just left before I woke up. And I was trying to tell myself he's just gone to the supermarket or he's just doing this he's in the shower and I kept trying to phone him and he wouldn't answer and I was crying and I couldn't believe it then he sent me this:
I told myself last night that if I could get up in time for the train I would go. I'm really sorry. I had a really amazing time last night. I'll call you later. Love u
I just want to be with my family. I just want to go home. I'm sick of trying. I'm over it. My last chance this year and it just fucks me over like the rest. I wann go home so bad. I wanna go today. I wanna just go home and forget every little thing that happened in this country. That's all I want for Christmas.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Nu Zillin! (New Zealand) December 20th 2008
I know for a fact that when I go to NZ again I'll be like whoa I'm in NZ.
Obviously. But like, I just answered the door to this kiwi guy from about half an hour away from Kaitaia (Far north NZ) and he just spoke and spoke and spoke like a bro. He threw in all the ayes and the sweets and the bros and I was like 'Fuckin hell did I just step into a time machine?!??'
I almost couldn't believe it. It was weird. Even when I speak to my mum or something I notice something strange.
I'm not that surprised really. I know that 90% of the people I hang around with are from the UK. But I like it. They sound better.
Obviously. But like, I just answered the door to this kiwi guy from about half an hour away from Kaitaia (Far north NZ) and he just spoke and spoke and spoke like a bro. He threw in all the ayes and the sweets and the bros and I was like 'Fuckin hell did I just step into a time machine?!??'
I almost couldn't believe it. It was weird. Even when I speak to my mum or something I notice something strange.
I'm not that surprised really. I know that 90% of the people I hang around with are from the UK. But I like it. They sound better.
Friday, December 19, 2008
December 19th 2008
WARNING! DO NOT TAKE YOUR OVEN FOR GRANTED!!
Last night I used an oven for the first time in 9 months. Yes. The house I'm in has an oven. Oh yeah and don't take your freezer for granted either, summers here so freeze some ice-blocks! (Ice-lollies..)
I made a chocolate cake. And I put chocolate topping on it. I haven't eaten any yet, because the joy of baking fully took over. Aaaah. Fucking backpackers I've been staying in for so lon, all they have is stinking fridges and stovetops, so you resort to living on pasta, rice, and anything you can fry. Which totatlly fucks with your intestines. Then your just put off. And you don't know what to eat. Then your like 'Oh lets go down to 7 11 and spend EIGHTY BUCKS on a pie and a slurpee'
So, ode to the oven and Mr's Freezer. Bless you.
Yesterday I joined the Australian Talent Management. It cost me $200, but I went in yesterday to get some photo's done for my new portfolio. It was grand. I'm so happy to be back doing extra work, and because I'm in Melbourne now, it'll be better work, better money and more promotion. So look out Angelina! I'll be at your place for dinner soon, talking business haaahaaahaaa.
Last night I used an oven for the first time in 9 months. Yes. The house I'm in has an oven. Oh yeah and don't take your freezer for granted either, summers here so freeze some ice-blocks! (Ice-lollies..)
I made a chocolate cake. And I put chocolate topping on it. I haven't eaten any yet, because the joy of baking fully took over. Aaaah. Fucking backpackers I've been staying in for so lon, all they have is stinking fridges and stovetops, so you resort to living on pasta, rice, and anything you can fry. Which totatlly fucks with your intestines. Then your just put off. And you don't know what to eat. Then your like 'Oh lets go down to 7 11 and spend EIGHTY BUCKS on a pie and a slurpee'
So, ode to the oven and Mr's Freezer. Bless you.
Yesterday I joined the Australian Talent Management. It cost me $200, but I went in yesterday to get some photo's done for my new portfolio. It was grand. I'm so happy to be back doing extra work, and because I'm in Melbourne now, it'll be better work, better money and more promotion. So look out Angelina! I'll be at your place for dinner soon, talking business haaahaaahaaa.
Monday, December 15, 2008
December 15th, 2008
I am currently on a strange diet of milk mixed with sugar. About 4 teaspoons of sugar. I wake up at about 11.30am, won't eat until about 6pm then kane down a fluffy sugar milk. It's weird cuz I had an addiction to it when I was like 6 as well, then about 13 then now. IT'S SO GOOD. And it's even better now cuz I found some cinnammon!!
I handed out 10 CV's today. I'm gonna get a JOB.
We have a Christmas tree now as well. It's smells like weed, insence, and pine in the house now. Yeya.
Merry Christmas fuckers!
I handed out 10 CV's today. I'm gonna get a JOB.
We have a Christmas tree now as well. It's smells like weed, insence, and pine in the house now. Yeya.
Merry Christmas fuckers!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Alice. December 14th 2008
I can't comprehend how happy I'd be if my best friend from back home was here.
It's like, I want to go out on the street and apply for jobs, but in order to do that, I need to print out my CV, but I can't because the printer here has no paper, and anyway, I need to give the girl that owns the computer and printer $5 because she asked me to before I use it and don't have $5 and I owe this guy here $5 anyway and he keeps asking me about it and it makes it ten times more awkward for me to just walk around and make myself a cup of tea.
So I said to him, 'I'll have it by tonight because my friend is coming over and he won't mind lending it to me'
Which was Simon, he never came last night, because he worked to late. He told me like 10 times he'd ring me when he finished but he didn't. I woke up crying this morning because he didn't ring, and I was excited all day long for his appearance but he didn't come.
It's Sunday now, I haven't seen him since last Tuesday. I'm starting to freak out. Ash is going to Sydney in a week for 10 days. I haven't heard from Ash either since Tuesday. And I cry alot because I miss them so much. And I don't know anyone here well enough to talk to so I just become succumbed in my own little cage burning like a fire with no outlet at all. So I just go to sleep or get stoned.
Ash used to ring me about 3 times a day - WHILE we were in the same hostel. You'd think it'd be the other way round because I'm not in the same hostel as him but he hasn't called me since Wednesday. I've just come to the conclusion he's busy making plans for his trip and having fun with Lexi Ruth and Cheryl.
I don't know man. I'm just so upset at the moment.
I could go to the library to print out my CV but those computers are shit because they don't have a start button which means they don't have any programs which means I can't open my CV because it need Microsoft Word to do that and it DOESN'T HAVE IT.
I don't have a cent to my name to go to an Internet cafe. Having no credit on my phone has made me resort to asking almost everyone in this house if I can use their fucking phone so I can call fucking Simon or fucking Ash because I LOVE THEM and I MISS THEM and I don't think they even know it.
Today is Sunday. Nice and Sunny. It's their day off, it's DEFINITELY my day off. Any plans to hang out? Not that I know of. Maybe their busy doing something involving money like seeing a splendid film or going to the lovely Aquarium or having refreshing beers in the park. In a way, I know the girls like not having me there. They can have Ash and Simon all to their selves.
Me Simon and Ash had this fabulous idea to go fruitpicking, then go to NZ in January. That's just fucked off down the drain, because I'm a useless cunt that can't fucking get money in her life, and now that theres three other girls in the picture - that are soooOOoOOoOO good with heir money, and shove their plans in my face, it's just. Not gonna happen.
They're all going fruitpicking all January 'Ooohh well there's your chance Ruby I hear you say' yeah I thought so too! Haha! But Lexi was telling me that it would be too hard for me, and se doesn't recommend it. Ok cool. Thankyou for trying it out for me, and totally demeaning my chances of even thinking about it. If that was the case. The only case. Why didn't we discuss that before? Why didn;t the guys say anything? Why is it just the girls? I've fucking done fruitpicking before!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111
UGH
It's like, I want to go out on the street and apply for jobs, but in order to do that, I need to print out my CV, but I can't because the printer here has no paper, and anyway, I need to give the girl that owns the computer and printer $5 because she asked me to before I use it and don't have $5 and I owe this guy here $5 anyway and he keeps asking me about it and it makes it ten times more awkward for me to just walk around and make myself a cup of tea.
So I said to him, 'I'll have it by tonight because my friend is coming over and he won't mind lending it to me'
Which was Simon, he never came last night, because he worked to late. He told me like 10 times he'd ring me when he finished but he didn't. I woke up crying this morning because he didn't ring, and I was excited all day long for his appearance but he didn't come.
It's Sunday now, I haven't seen him since last Tuesday. I'm starting to freak out. Ash is going to Sydney in a week for 10 days. I haven't heard from Ash either since Tuesday. And I cry alot because I miss them so much. And I don't know anyone here well enough to talk to so I just become succumbed in my own little cage burning like a fire with no outlet at all. So I just go to sleep or get stoned.
Ash used to ring me about 3 times a day - WHILE we were in the same hostel. You'd think it'd be the other way round because I'm not in the same hostel as him but he hasn't called me since Wednesday. I've just come to the conclusion he's busy making plans for his trip and having fun with Lexi Ruth and Cheryl.
I don't know man. I'm just so upset at the moment.
I could go to the library to print out my CV but those computers are shit because they don't have a start button which means they don't have any programs which means I can't open my CV because it need Microsoft Word to do that and it DOESN'T HAVE IT.
I don't have a cent to my name to go to an Internet cafe. Having no credit on my phone has made me resort to asking almost everyone in this house if I can use their fucking phone so I can call fucking Simon or fucking Ash because I LOVE THEM and I MISS THEM and I don't think they even know it.
Today is Sunday. Nice and Sunny. It's their day off, it's DEFINITELY my day off. Any plans to hang out? Not that I know of. Maybe their busy doing something involving money like seeing a splendid film or going to the lovely Aquarium or having refreshing beers in the park. In a way, I know the girls like not having me there. They can have Ash and Simon all to their selves.
Me Simon and Ash had this fabulous idea to go fruitpicking, then go to NZ in January. That's just fucked off down the drain, because I'm a useless cunt that can't fucking get money in her life, and now that theres three other girls in the picture - that are soooOOoOOoOO good with heir money, and shove their plans in my face, it's just. Not gonna happen.
They're all going fruitpicking all January 'Ooohh well there's your chance Ruby I hear you say' yeah I thought so too! Haha! But Lexi was telling me that it would be too hard for me, and se doesn't recommend it. Ok cool. Thankyou for trying it out for me, and totally demeaning my chances of even thinking about it. If that was the case. The only case. Why didn't we discuss that before? Why didn;t the guys say anything? Why is it just the girls? I've fucking done fruitpicking before!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111
UGH
Saturday, December 13, 2008
December 13th 2008
I got a lovely surprise from a friend I made in the shite ol All Nations backpackers yesterday.. Sam rang me cuz he was back from his Gt. Ocean Rd trip he was on for 12 days or whatever and he came over to Fitzroy for the night til he went to a farm today for a week. then he's coming back. we made pizzas, i thought they were yummy but Sam didnt think they were that great hahahah and we got totally stoned and went for a brisk walk on brunswick st which was cool. it was dark and raingin but i liked it. rains good sometimes.
And Simon is coming over tonight Im excited because I miss Siman!
I need to put pics in my blog.
And Simon is coming over tonight Im excited because I miss Siman!
I need to put pics in my blog.
Friday, December 12, 2008
December 11th 2008
Today I got the worst period pain ever. In ages.
There's this cool guy here his names ... okay how embarrassing but, he brought me back a box of Neurofen when he went out. Which was pretty much the best thing ever becasue I feel so much better with that stuff.
I pretty much just bummed around all day, I made this killer CV last night and posted it off to heaps of jobs today. Yeyah.
Theres these two fucking Irish guys here and they are so fucking annoying and all day long they drink and all day long they say'Ruby..' and they think it's so funny and they baby me and their like Ruby do you wanna hug and they don't take me seriously in the slightest. I may be a little different but it just fucks me off sooo bad. Today I was on the computer and they fucking came in with their goon and annoyed me so much. It was like the last straw today, and I'm like please keave me alone and stop annoying me and their just like 'Oh are you okay? Here have a hug' And I walked out of the room nearly in tears today because I'm so sick of it.
Then I went to my room and I actually did cry. Because I feel nobody here even knows me and I miss so fucking much being with my Simon and Ashen every night getting stoned with themand hanging out with them and talking to themand being understood by them and being my self and just being happy. It scares me that the fact I don' have that at the moment is all from my wrong doingand I feel bad about myself cause of it. Last night I borrowed someones phone to get Simon to come over tomorrow night and he said he will do and come tonight, I try ringing him but his phone was flat. So He didn't come over and I was crying becasue I miss him. I feel so good around my frieds and it's hard to see them now.
But I rolled myself a joint and lay on the hammock and listened to Blur in the night and it felt so good. Swaying gently side to side getting stoned listening to wonderful music.
And then I was like, I'm gonna live a life to reach and love and inspire people. I'm a happy girl.
There's this cool guy here his names ... okay how embarrassing but, he brought me back a box of Neurofen when he went out. Which was pretty much the best thing ever becasue I feel so much better with that stuff.
I pretty much just bummed around all day, I made this killer CV last night and posted it off to heaps of jobs today. Yeyah.
Theres these two fucking Irish guys here and they are so fucking annoying and all day long they drink and all day long they say'Ruby..' and they think it's so funny and they baby me and their like Ruby do you wanna hug and they don't take me seriously in the slightest. I may be a little different but it just fucks me off sooo bad. Today I was on the computer and they fucking came in with their goon and annoyed me so much. It was like the last straw today, and I'm like please keave me alone and stop annoying me and their just like 'Oh are you okay? Here have a hug' And I walked out of the room nearly in tears today because I'm so sick of it.
Then I went to my room and I actually did cry. Because I feel nobody here even knows me and I miss so fucking much being with my Simon and Ashen every night getting stoned with themand hanging out with them and talking to themand being understood by them and being my self and just being happy. It scares me that the fact I don' have that at the moment is all from my wrong doingand I feel bad about myself cause of it. Last night I borrowed someones phone to get Simon to come over tomorrow night and he said he will do and come tonight, I try ringing him but his phone was flat. So He didn't come over and I was crying becasue I miss him. I feel so good around my frieds and it's hard to see them now.
But I rolled myself a joint and lay on the hammock and listened to Blur in the night and it felt so good. Swaying gently side to side getting stoned listening to wonderful music.
And then I was like, I'm gonna live a life to reach and love and inspire people. I'm a happy girl.
Monday, December 8, 2008
December 8th 2008
Why the fuck would anyone want to become and accountant?
And also, why the fuck is life made so easy for fellow uni students? THEY GET EVERYTHING. Maybe I should go, and become an accountant.
This week has been strange. The amazing thing is that I'm in Fitzroy now, the best suburb in Melbourne, I remember going there with Simon and we fell in love! I was like. I have to live here one day. And Simon sayd he'd love to have a studio apartment thing decked out (or a factory thing) with all his whatchamacallits (I'm so naming my band that) and shit.
So yeah this weeks been real up and down, I was fucked as last week and had nowhere to go etcetc so I called my mum for help but that just ended up being an argument becasue she got angry that I came to Australia (wow I got here 9 months ago. Did you know that?) and she told me how shes spent all her money on gambling and I fucking hung up in tears with Ashley next to me experiencing everything so I called my Aunty and she gave me $200. Which saved my life. Kindof.
I got all the help from Ashley, Simon and these 3 other girls that Simon and Ash are mostly friends with, they helped me with a CV n shit and they reffered me to this meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeannnnn place in FITZROY. Which is basically like, the most easygoing place in the world, they told them about me and explained I didnt have much money and they were real happy to let me stay. It's basically a house, at the end of a rainbow. Its full of weed, colour, and cool people.. It's just a really good vibe. So im pretty happy to be there. And what else. Yeah so the others are still at All Nations but lately, especially this week its just been so awkward and really really upsetting becasue for one, im not even allowed at the hostel becaseu they kicked me out, fuckers, and because everyone is working and blah blah they all have money and they are always doing shit and Im kinda not in the position to hang out with them.. 99% of the time.
Me and Simon went to Die! Die! Die! last Friday which was spec. He loved it, I hadnt hung out with him properly in w little while and I missed him becasue I love him so much and we smoked weed in the alley while childrem collide were playing and it was cool cuz you could hear the music banging. And we chatted. for ages. mostly about how we cant contain how good a song ramble on is by Led Zeppelin. I've fuully come to the conclusion that he likes that song more than I becasue he has the best stories about when and where he listens to it. Which is beautiful.
Anyway. That night kinda ended badly because $75 of that $200 that I got, went on that one night when I needed it, and Ash specifically said to me that day dont fucking touch it. But I bought 2 beers. A hungry jacks. Then on the fucking bus home I was drifting off to sleep and waking up every now and then and I mustve missed my stop, well I DID because I ended up in fucking ELTHAM which is 45 MINS AWAY from the CBD and I was like to the gay bus driver where am I?! Are you going back 2 the city?! and he was like noooo im nottttt and it was deserted out there and i was stranded so i used the bus drivers phone to call Simon and I was crying telling him I didnt know where I was and I dont know what to do and then a taxi came and it cost me fifty fuckin bucks and I was absolutely gutted.
Me and Simon also argued before we left each other that night and I almost made him cry. Over how I cant help myself and its breaking his heart how I wont get my act together.
So yeah, its just been totally awkward hanging out with Ashen and Simon and the girls because all they go on about is stuff I'm not involved with and they all hang out everyday and Im in another world and it sucks. Yesterday, I went to visit them while I was out on a tangen sorting out Ashes birthday present (which is way cool) 4 his bday tomorrow, and I was like, by reception and the cunt manager tried to tell me to leave because Id been kicked out ooooooooooooooooooo and I was like, 'you know what, Im just here to see some friends, and I'm glad I left because this place is money driven and youve forgotten the whole concept about travelling and im sorry I ruined your 'product' by staying here 'ilegally' for on night' and then i called him a fucking retard. then i went outside, BECAUSE I WASNT ALLOWED IN and I was just standing there with Ruth and Simon when he came out and was like 'your not allowed in the bar either' and I just said 'its a shit bar and ive never been in it' all this because I stayed there for one fucking night without paying. fuck their faces!!!!! omg, where am i ever going to go out in melbourne now? i just CANT live without that shitty little backpacker bar.
fucckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
so yeah, then we went on the tram to i dunno. then we got off, the girls went to the travel shop or some shit then i went with simon and ash to the park, well i nearly did, because ash didnt want me to come, because he said i should be busking because i have no money and he was bringing up all the stuff that has been fucking me over all week and then us 3 (us 3 havent hung out in what feel like weeks) and then we just all stood there talking/arguing and i was crying and i was just like fuck sake i miss you guys and they were going on about stuff and i was and they care about me and ash just wants to have a good birthday so i left them and went busking and made $2.10 and then i was like fuck this after half an hour and went back to my pad, had some goon then everyone came over and i went with them while they ate food and they were just going on about how good it was and it just wasnt affecting me whatsoever.. for the very first time and i just went outside while they ate for a ciggarette for like 5 minutes and then i looked up and someone had a bfm* bumper sticker on their window!!
*Bfm, the best radio station in Auckland. Not so commercial like every other bullshit radio station in Auckland (e.g ZM THE EDGE MORE FM MAI FM THE ROCK CLASSIC HITS), which makes it surprising to see a bfm sticker on the window.
A fucking bfm sticker in australia?? ..only in fitzroy. I'm gonna email them the picture I took of it with the subject header 'FEEL PRIVELEGED'
If it was a ZM sticker or any bullshit radio station from Auckland instead I would move to Spain.
VERDICT: Ash is 21 tomorrow and I have a really good present for him, Ash and Simon will be my friends no matter what happens.
And also, why the fuck is life made so easy for fellow uni students? THEY GET EVERYTHING. Maybe I should go, and become an accountant.
This week has been strange. The amazing thing is that I'm in Fitzroy now, the best suburb in Melbourne, I remember going there with Simon and we fell in love! I was like. I have to live here one day. And Simon sayd he'd love to have a studio apartment thing decked out (or a factory thing) with all his whatchamacallits (I'm so naming my band that) and shit.
So yeah this weeks been real up and down, I was fucked as last week and had nowhere to go etcetc so I called my mum for help but that just ended up being an argument becasue she got angry that I came to Australia (wow I got here 9 months ago. Did you know that?) and she told me how shes spent all her money on gambling and I fucking hung up in tears with Ashley next to me experiencing everything so I called my Aunty and she gave me $200. Which saved my life. Kindof.
I got all the help from Ashley, Simon and these 3 other girls that Simon and Ash are mostly friends with, they helped me with a CV n shit and they reffered me to this meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeannnnn place in FITZROY. Which is basically like, the most easygoing place in the world, they told them about me and explained I didnt have much money and they were real happy to let me stay. It's basically a house, at the end of a rainbow. Its full of weed, colour, and cool people.. It's just a really good vibe. So im pretty happy to be there. And what else. Yeah so the others are still at All Nations but lately, especially this week its just been so awkward and really really upsetting becasue for one, im not even allowed at the hostel becaseu they kicked me out, fuckers, and because everyone is working and blah blah they all have money and they are always doing shit and Im kinda not in the position to hang out with them.. 99% of the time.
Me and Simon went to Die! Die! Die! last Friday which was spec. He loved it, I hadnt hung out with him properly in w little while and I missed him becasue I love him so much and we smoked weed in the alley while childrem collide were playing and it was cool cuz you could hear the music banging. And we chatted. for ages. mostly about how we cant contain how good a song ramble on is by Led Zeppelin. I've fuully come to the conclusion that he likes that song more than I becasue he has the best stories about when and where he listens to it. Which is beautiful.
Anyway. That night kinda ended badly because $75 of that $200 that I got, went on that one night when I needed it, and Ash specifically said to me that day dont fucking touch it. But I bought 2 beers. A hungry jacks. Then on the fucking bus home I was drifting off to sleep and waking up every now and then and I mustve missed my stop, well I DID because I ended up in fucking ELTHAM which is 45 MINS AWAY from the CBD and I was like to the gay bus driver where am I?! Are you going back 2 the city?! and he was like noooo im nottttt and it was deserted out there and i was stranded so i used the bus drivers phone to call Simon and I was crying telling him I didnt know where I was and I dont know what to do and then a taxi came and it cost me fifty fuckin bucks and I was absolutely gutted.
Me and Simon also argued before we left each other that night and I almost made him cry. Over how I cant help myself and its breaking his heart how I wont get my act together.
So yeah, its just been totally awkward hanging out with Ashen and Simon and the girls because all they go on about is stuff I'm not involved with and they all hang out everyday and Im in another world and it sucks. Yesterday, I went to visit them while I was out on a tangen sorting out Ashes birthday present (which is way cool) 4 his bday tomorrow, and I was like, by reception and the cunt manager tried to tell me to leave because Id been kicked out ooooooooooooooooooo and I was like, 'you know what, Im just here to see some friends, and I'm glad I left because this place is money driven and youve forgotten the whole concept about travelling and im sorry I ruined your 'product' by staying here 'ilegally' for on night' and then i called him a fucking retard. then i went outside, BECAUSE I WASNT ALLOWED IN and I was just standing there with Ruth and Simon when he came out and was like 'your not allowed in the bar either' and I just said 'its a shit bar and ive never been in it' all this because I stayed there for one fucking night without paying. fuck their faces!!!!! omg, where am i ever going to go out in melbourne now? i just CANT live without that shitty little backpacker bar.
fucckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
so yeah, then we went on the tram to i dunno. then we got off, the girls went to the travel shop or some shit then i went with simon and ash to the park, well i nearly did, because ash didnt want me to come, because he said i should be busking because i have no money and he was bringing up all the stuff that has been fucking me over all week and then us 3 (us 3 havent hung out in what feel like weeks) and then we just all stood there talking/arguing and i was crying and i was just like fuck sake i miss you guys and they were going on about stuff and i was and they care about me and ash just wants to have a good birthday so i left them and went busking and made $2.10 and then i was like fuck this after half an hour and went back to my pad, had some goon then everyone came over and i went with them while they ate food and they were just going on about how good it was and it just wasnt affecting me whatsoever.. for the very first time and i just went outside while they ate for a ciggarette for like 5 minutes and then i looked up and someone had a bfm* bumper sticker on their window!!
*Bfm, the best radio station in Auckland. Not so commercial like every other bullshit radio station in Auckland (e.g ZM THE EDGE MORE FM MAI FM THE ROCK CLASSIC HITS), which makes it surprising to see a bfm sticker on the window.
A fucking bfm sticker in australia?? ..only in fitzroy. I'm gonna email them the picture I took of it with the subject header 'FEEL PRIVELEGED'
If it was a ZM sticker or any bullshit radio station from Auckland instead I would move to Spain.
VERDICT: Ash is 21 tomorrow and I have a really good present for him, Ash and Simon will be my friends no matter what happens.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
December 4th 2008
I can't believe it's December. But I think I say that every December. But I think this is the first December that I really meant it.
My life as of now.. well. If I could have anything right now it would be a shower. But to have a shower, I need to have a residence with one, and to have that I need money to stay at a residence with a shower and to have money I need a job and to have a job I need motivation and to have motivation I need to believe in myself and to believe in myself I need to let go of fear and to let go of fear I need not to worry about the future and to not worry about the future I need to live in the moment and to live in the moment I can't dwell on my past and to not dwell on my past I need to learn from it and to learn from it I am being positive and to be positive I need to simplify and not over complicate..
Which I cant really say I've been doint AT ALL for like the past week or something. Ever since last Saturday all my worries have been focussed entirely upon where I am sleeping tonight, I got away with sleeping in Simons room for one night, then the fucking hostel caught me out and pretty much banned me from the place, so I was like, fuck, ok, then I got to stay at Amy's house for two nights which was awesom because she is but equally awkward becasue of her flatmates, then I stayed another night and I couldnt anymore becaude her flatties were a bit weird about me doing it, I stayed in her flatmates bed while he was in San Fransisco .. and it was like.. aaah
then I stayed at Dougs, he was cool, then again last night. I occupied myself by watching Mighty Boosh 1 and then last night I stayed up til 4 am watching it again and Doug kindly let me make sausages and rice which was amazing becasue I've learnt that I can't even get hungry becasue theres no way out of it.
I've been busking for the past couple of days. Its so much harder than I ever thought it would be. The first day I did it, I did it for about an hour and a half and made $8.50. It took me about.. the whole day to work up the courage to city on a Melbourne City street and put a hat out for money. It takes fucking guts, and let me promise you the nervousness doesnt go away the minute you sit down. It goes away when you go to the toilet next because your confined to a little space where no-one can see you.
In reality, busking is not bad at all. Its not as scary as we make it out to be, it is, but the reason your scared isint really a reason. Mine was of course, becasue Im on the fucking street playing songs while people are rushing past me, but honestly when YOU walk past a busker what are your thoughts? You get over them pretty much as soon as you walk past them. So thats all I have to keep in my head.
Wow rant-and-a-half.
So it's been a frightening past few days, I don't know how long it's gonna go on for, I keep coming real close to just rolling on up to the NZ Embassy so they can deport me home. It's really outweighing staying here becasue I actually don't know what to do. I can't even eat. It's extremely degrading to my soul. The only thing keeping me alive here is pretty much Simon and Ashley. They believe in me more than anyone else has since.. I can remember. So. I think I'll stay.
Besides Die! Die! Die! are playing tomorrow night. They are my favourite band, and Andrew gave me his phone number to 'text him' on the day of the show to put my name on the door! And whoever else wants to go.
My life as of now.. well. If I could have anything right now it would be a shower. But to have a shower, I need to have a residence with one, and to have that I need money to stay at a residence with a shower and to have money I need a job and to have a job I need motivation and to have motivation I need to believe in myself and to believe in myself I need to let go of fear and to let go of fear I need not to worry about the future and to not worry about the future I need to live in the moment and to live in the moment I can't dwell on my past and to not dwell on my past I need to learn from it and to learn from it I am being positive and to be positive I need to simplify and not over complicate..
Which I cant really say I've been doint AT ALL for like the past week or something. Ever since last Saturday all my worries have been focussed entirely upon where I am sleeping tonight, I got away with sleeping in Simons room for one night, then the fucking hostel caught me out and pretty much banned me from the place, so I was like, fuck, ok, then I got to stay at Amy's house for two nights which was awesom because she is but equally awkward becasue of her flatmates, then I stayed another night and I couldnt anymore becaude her flatties were a bit weird about me doing it, I stayed in her flatmates bed while he was in San Fransisco .. and it was like.. aaah
then I stayed at Dougs, he was cool, then again last night. I occupied myself by watching Mighty Boosh 1 and then last night I stayed up til 4 am watching it again and Doug kindly let me make sausages and rice which was amazing becasue I've learnt that I can't even get hungry becasue theres no way out of it.
I've been busking for the past couple of days. Its so much harder than I ever thought it would be. The first day I did it, I did it for about an hour and a half and made $8.50. It took me about.. the whole day to work up the courage to city on a Melbourne City street and put a hat out for money. It takes fucking guts, and let me promise you the nervousness doesnt go away the minute you sit down. It goes away when you go to the toilet next because your confined to a little space where no-one can see you.
In reality, busking is not bad at all. Its not as scary as we make it out to be, it is, but the reason your scared isint really a reason. Mine was of course, becasue Im on the fucking street playing songs while people are rushing past me, but honestly when YOU walk past a busker what are your thoughts? You get over them pretty much as soon as you walk past them. So thats all I have to keep in my head.
Wow rant-and-a-half.
So it's been a frightening past few days, I don't know how long it's gonna go on for, I keep coming real close to just rolling on up to the NZ Embassy so they can deport me home. It's really outweighing staying here becasue I actually don't know what to do. I can't even eat. It's extremely degrading to my soul. The only thing keeping me alive here is pretty much Simon and Ashley. They believe in me more than anyone else has since.. I can remember. So. I think I'll stay.
Besides Die! Die! Die! are playing tomorrow night. They are my favourite band, and Andrew gave me his phone number to 'text him' on the day of the show to put my name on the door! And whoever else wants to go.
November 28th 2008
I feel like I'm beginning to hate the person that I am, and that's a really strong thing to say. I hate it when I make shit up in my head and I think it's true, like I wish sometimes I was just normal, and I had it all sorted, I had a way to get money (a job) and I wasn't just this funny person that was all funny and that was it. This is exactly what I hate, I just wish I wasnt an idiot, Ashley and Simon know how to hold serious conversations where they speak and it's like another language to me and the onlly way to interact with me is to be silly or something. Fuck I feel like I just hate my time in Melbourne altogether, everything is good, good people around, cool city, meet people that are awesome, but then the thing that weighs it down for me is me. I just think bad things about myself and if people bring up ex's or sex or anything like that I just zone out because I have nothing to say. Because I'm just young and dumb. Seriously the job thing though, it seems to work out fine for everyone else but its just one big tease for me and I fucking hate it. I just feel like I have nothing to show and I dont know what to do, and I'm always having to be explained things and people give up and I make my friends feel like shit, its always me making them feel like crap, but they dont make each other feel like shit and id kill to be in that position. to know how not not make people feel like shit. that would be awesome. I just wake up in this fucking hostel that I'm paying for, worrying about something stupid like, why did i get so stoned last night, its just a downward spiral blah blah blah and then I just feel jealous of Simon or whoever because they know how to just keep it together and they are never ever in bad moods they just play it cool and they just know. I just wanna fucking kill myself.
November 24th 2008
One thing I love about wrting blogs is I never know what the date is when I start writing it. I . R . F R E E D O M F I G H T E R
Maaannnnnnnn I had one of the best weekends ever. The whole time I been in melbourne like walking around or looking in music magazines i saw this thing called global gathering and i never thought id go but then blah blah forward a few months we were hanging out in the room whatever and then we decided to go to global gathering and i have 15 minutes of internet time remaining and i still feel a little too spinny to be writing in detail mate, so cut a long story short we went, and we were this close to going to bloc party the nite before but we didnt and we didnt but fucken amazing but it ended shit becasue kraftwerk cancelled and gorllaz were strange but we were having it dancing for ten hours and mark ronson was AMAZING and it was all yays
Maaannnnnnnn I had one of the best weekends ever. The whole time I been in melbourne like walking around or looking in music magazines i saw this thing called global gathering and i never thought id go but then blah blah forward a few months we were hanging out in the room whatever and then we decided to go to global gathering and i have 15 minutes of internet time remaining and i still feel a little too spinny to be writing in detail mate, so cut a long story short we went, and we were this close to going to bloc party the nite before but we didnt and we didnt but fucken amazing but it ended shit becasue kraftwerk cancelled and gorllaz were strange but we were having it dancing for ten hours and mark ronson was AMAZING and it was all yays
November 17th 2008
I think I got fired yesterday. But maybe not. But yeah I think so. I had this job for like a week, it was way out in fucking Dandenong 45 minute drive away from the CBD dammit, $50 bucka week outta my life to train there dammit then you have to meet up with a few other people that work there too and get a taxi from the station to the workplace and someone has to pay the taxi then they reimburse you when YOU GET PAID dammit I never paid for the taxi I thought it was so lame.
So I fully went there like oh m y god yesterday (HA! skank slang) and I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired like unbelievably and the thought of me standing up for 8 hours packing CDS away into boxes then pallets just drained my bones out and I ate a big lunch on our fackin break and drank water and shit and I was still on the verge of collapsing and my efficiency was wearing off and I went out for a ciggarette and that didnt help and I was all like fuckin hurry up 6oclock I WANNA GO HOME and so I stole a DVD from work and it made me feel better then it was time to go and my
boss was like, 'oh ruby, dont bother coming tomorrow, theres no work left and besides all were doing is like manly forklifting stuff so just maybe give us a call back... on friday? yeah' then i was like okay its payday tomorrow, so how will iget it? then she was like 'oh ill get Laura from your hostel to bring it back' and I was like yeah whatever, thinking, isint she a girl? then why is she coming tomorrow? knobhead!
so after work were like all outside waiting for our fuck off taxi when the boss was like to Laura 'oh man your like a machine! you work really well! YOUR REAL GOOD AYE. & I was just sitting there thinking ohhh take your freakin warehouse and burn it down and get the hell outta here.
so I stole this 1930's movie called 'Marihuana' and it was just strange. me ash n simon watched it stoned out of our skulls and it was set in Los Angeles and the way the synopsis described it on the back was pretty funny, it pretty much said that this woman mixes with the wrong guy and becomed a heroin dealking slut but the scened of the camera straight on her face with a spliff in her hand laughing like like a motherfucker are just FUNNY were talking proper 1930's here yknow ye olde 'just messin around with the fun ciggarette.. never mind me my dear'
Jeeeepers.
So I fully went there like oh m y god yesterday (HA! skank slang) and I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired like unbelievably and the thought of me standing up for 8 hours packing CDS away into boxes then pallets just drained my bones out and I ate a big lunch on our fackin break and drank water and shit and I was still on the verge of collapsing and my efficiency was wearing off and I went out for a ciggarette and that didnt help and I was all like fuckin hurry up 6oclock I WANNA GO HOME and so I stole a DVD from work and it made me feel better then it was time to go and my
boss was like, 'oh ruby, dont bother coming tomorrow, theres no work left and besides all were doing is like manly forklifting stuff so just maybe give us a call back... on friday? yeah' then i was like okay its payday tomorrow, so how will iget it? then she was like 'oh ill get Laura from your hostel to bring it back' and I was like yeah whatever, thinking, isint she a girl? then why is she coming tomorrow? knobhead!
so after work were like all outside waiting for our fuck off taxi when the boss was like to Laura 'oh man your like a machine! you work really well! YOUR REAL GOOD AYE. & I was just sitting there thinking ohhh take your freakin warehouse and burn it down and get the hell outta here.
so I stole this 1930's movie called 'Marihuana' and it was just strange. me ash n simon watched it stoned out of our skulls and it was set in Los Angeles and the way the synopsis described it on the back was pretty funny, it pretty much said that this woman mixes with the wrong guy and becomed a heroin dealking slut but the scened of the camera straight on her face with a spliff in her hand laughing like like a motherfucker are just FUNNY were talking proper 1930's here yknow ye olde 'just messin around with the fun ciggarette.. never mind me my dear'
Jeeeepers.
November 6th 2008
I have the most grossest aftertaste in my mouth from rotten white bread. Everytime I never wanna eat rotten white bread toast or whatever, I do my best to avoid the shit until its there again and im like 'oh yeah i guess it wont be so bad this time' and then it is. Its the most grossest thing im so over it. its like bleached white plastic hardened froth. URRGH.
Now for something better. Barack Obama. I never even knew who he was like, 2 weeks ago, but now that he won everything kinda makes sense, and it doesnt even matter that I wasnt following all that election shit, it doesnt matter taht IM not from the USA, the only thing that matters is that someone so regular, can make such an impact. I think its well and truly amazing and Im pretty fucking happy. I can just feel the love and hope in my bones. I just watched his vicory speech on youtube and it was amazing.
Its exactly what everybody needed and to see sooo many people believe in the change, and grasp on to hope that much really astonishes me. I keep getting so close to crying. But im in a library. Just the fact that its news that everyone knows, and the people of america can feel that much safer and build new spaces for hope and love just knocks me off my feet and its so beautiful. Its like. The United States of America.
Me and Ash made up a song called 'sniper rifle' (no irony intended here) about that fuck off hostel we were in for eighty years up the road - industry. its quite possibly one of the funniest things ive ever partaked in hahahahahahahhahahah. its just this blatant little song about all the fuck off things about that place and all the fuck off people that roamed it. I mean roam it.
Were thinking of going to NZ, like, were really keen on doing a big fuck off trip around the place and yeah. Itll be mean as. We can go up to my auntys land and blah blah blah. I CAN INTRDUCE SIMON AND ASHERLZ TO MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS itll be sweet as bro. ah now im going all kiwi slang just thinking about it fuck!
Now for something better. Barack Obama. I never even knew who he was like, 2 weeks ago, but now that he won everything kinda makes sense, and it doesnt even matter that I wasnt following all that election shit, it doesnt matter taht IM not from the USA, the only thing that matters is that someone so regular, can make such an impact. I think its well and truly amazing and Im pretty fucking happy. I can just feel the love and hope in my bones. I just watched his vicory speech on youtube and it was amazing.
Its exactly what everybody needed and to see sooo many people believe in the change, and grasp on to hope that much really astonishes me. I keep getting so close to crying. But im in a library. Just the fact that its news that everyone knows, and the people of america can feel that much safer and build new spaces for hope and love just knocks me off my feet and its so beautiful. Its like. The United States of America.
Me and Ash made up a song called 'sniper rifle' (no irony intended here) about that fuck off hostel we were in for eighty years up the road - industry. its quite possibly one of the funniest things ive ever partaked in hahahahahahahhahahah. its just this blatant little song about all the fuck off things about that place and all the fuck off people that roamed it. I mean roam it.
Were thinking of going to NZ, like, were really keen on doing a big fuck off trip around the place and yeah. Itll be mean as. We can go up to my auntys land and blah blah blah. I CAN INTRDUCE SIMON AND ASHERLZ TO MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS itll be sweet as bro. ah now im going all kiwi slang just thinking about it fuck!
October 31st 2008
Happy Halloween! And happy birthday to my most special boy cat in the whole wide world. I miss my male kitty.
I have this. fleghm problem. its so gross, like im constantly snotty, but its just the watery snot that sneaks out of your nose and its so annoying. i have to wipe it away all the time. and every morning i have this huge disgusting discoloured huck of fleghm that i pit out and its horrible. ive alllways had this fucking snot problem though. its like i never have a dry easygoing nose its just fucks me over day in day out.
fuck off! it probably has something to do with smoking, but seriously, i think it has waaay more to do with what i eat. i actually never want to even look at bread again. or pasta. just flour in general. and milk for fuck sake! every time i sip my tea, i can feel mucus just building up. its horrible. and i dont even have a cold. this fucking mucus is just like. THERE and im like FUCK OFF
aaaargh.
tomorrow im working at Luna Park handing out balloons to kiddies to promote no smoking for $20 an hour. sweeeeet
I have this. fleghm problem. its so gross, like im constantly snotty, but its just the watery snot that sneaks out of your nose and its so annoying. i have to wipe it away all the time. and every morning i have this huge disgusting discoloured huck of fleghm that i pit out and its horrible. ive alllways had this fucking snot problem though. its like i never have a dry easygoing nose its just fucks me over day in day out.
fuck off! it probably has something to do with smoking, but seriously, i think it has waaay more to do with what i eat. i actually never want to even look at bread again. or pasta. just flour in general. and milk for fuck sake! every time i sip my tea, i can feel mucus just building up. its horrible. and i dont even have a cold. this fucking mucus is just like. THERE and im like FUCK OFF
aaaargh.
tomorrow im working at Luna Park handing out balloons to kiddies to promote no smoking for $20 an hour. sweeeeet
October 29th 2008
I try so fucking hard. In my eyes anyway, maybe not anyone else, like IN THE WORLD. I seem to dall into this stupid little trap about evry week, I walk into All nations yeah yeah you can do work for accomadation sure, then they go and give the job away. And im teased in the face by some prick thats like yeah come in at 7.30am tomorrow to start work, then my alram goes off at 6am to get up and get ready for the job and theres a msg on my phone from him saying ohhh the work is off and he'll call me at lunch to sort it out, come 'lunchtime' he doesnt call, so ash is like, you try call him, so i do, then hes like yeah yeah hi and im like so whats the deal, then hes going on about this bullshit i cant really be fucked understanding and something about he didnt get an email, basically, he said, oh yeah so i dunno, you might have work this week or starting next week but ill get back to you.
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
the famous fucking, ILL GET BACK TO YOU BULLSHIT and its like for fuck sake. i checked into this hostel and i paid for one night, so the past two night i didnt pay for becasue apparently i had some work for accom but noooooo hahahahahh NNOOOOO i dont.
theres a sighn on my door saying i have to come to reception becasue i have MONEY$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ owing. Oh do I? shit, i better pay it. I'll pay it aye, ill just get my wallet out and give you some money. money. money. money. i will. not.
so i think im just gonna get ash and simon to look after my stuff and go on the street, ill just stay up all night or something. ill get a red bull and just stay up.
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
i'll get back to you
the famous fucking, ILL GET BACK TO YOU BULLSHIT and its like for fuck sake. i checked into this hostel and i paid for one night, so the past two night i didnt pay for becasue apparently i had some work for accom but noooooo hahahahahh NNOOOOO i dont.
theres a sighn on my door saying i have to come to reception becasue i have MONEY$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ owing. Oh do I? shit, i better pay it. I'll pay it aye, ill just get my wallet out and give you some money. money. money. money. i will. not.
so i think im just gonna get ash and simon to look after my stuff and go on the street, ill just stay up all night or something. ill get a red bull and just stay up.
October 21st 2008
I love my Mum. I really do. But when I think of her I feel a little sad, in some ways I feel like we're 'over'. The last time I called her, I was pretty much desperate and I had just come back from the Melbourne City Mission becasue I didn't have anywhere to stay and shit like that and they couldn't help me with anything becasue I wasn't a citizen of Australia. But they did give me a phone card and they suggested I really think about my priorities and what I wanted to do and weigh my options. I needed money. So I called my mum and I was on the phone for literally 2 minutes and my mum said hi and everything then she said do you need anything in particular and that was my chance.. I couldn've said yeah.. but I always avoid confrontation becasue I grew up with it so I was like 'oh, no i just wanted to say hi' then she asked me to ring later becasue she was tired. That was about 2 weeks ago and i havent talked to her since. She's one of the coolest women I know, she continuse to inspire me 18 years later and I really appreciate it. I still can't get over how my mum jumped the fence to see Red hot chili peppers in 1992.. or getting pulled up on stage by def leppard.. or seeing the clash in the 80's at the gluepot-one of the most memorable punk rock spots in Auckland back in the day. Or saving up to go to London for 6 months working at a check out chik! She's so quirky and pretty much the reason behind who I am today! Go mum. I just wish she actually knew me. I walked away crying kinda after that phone call, it's like I dont' even have the confidence to tell her that I'm fucked. Mum I'm fucked. I have nothing. I'm your little girl and here I am in Melbourne. Hi! HI. I wanna go to England next, I thought I'd let you know. I know she loves me, but sometimes when I hear how people I know have gone to NY and I'm like 'fuck i wanna do that' or how people have gone to sweden for a year and im like 'fuck i wanna do that' then they kinda say along the lines 'with the help of my parents' im like oh. whoops, you had me there for a second.
I'm like, semi kicked out again from Nomads. I walked to reception this morning and Hollie was like blah blah blah, your NEVER working for accom again, yada yada, im tired of being responsible for you, then i was like ohk can you ring all nations for me and then she was like oh yeah ok then i was like ask them if they have work 4 accom and i was like yeah then there was stuff but you have to like check in and shit and be there its not consistent and you pay key deposits and shit like that and im like fuck and its fucked and i dont really care and josh gave me his key card so maybe ill crash in his room its only one night just live for the moment, stop fucking worrying you baby! everyone is SO WORRIED and caught up in $$$MONEY$$$ and they are THICK and HAVE NO LIFE EXPERIECNE and THEY NEED IT and PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO FREAK ME OUT with their America and money stories and so what are you gonna do ruby lines and trying and trying and im like
RELAX
so im in the library and its only one night..ill just do an al nighter or something. anyone got any speed? (jokes!)
I'm like, semi kicked out again from Nomads. I walked to reception this morning and Hollie was like blah blah blah, your NEVER working for accom again, yada yada, im tired of being responsible for you, then i was like ohk can you ring all nations for me and then she was like oh yeah ok then i was like ask them if they have work 4 accom and i was like yeah then there was stuff but you have to like check in and shit and be there its not consistent and you pay key deposits and shit like that and im like fuck and its fucked and i dont really care and josh gave me his key card so maybe ill crash in his room its only one night just live for the moment, stop fucking worrying you baby! everyone is SO WORRIED and caught up in $$$MONEY$$$ and they are THICK and HAVE NO LIFE EXPERIECNE and THEY NEED IT and PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO FREAK ME OUT with their America and money stories and so what are you gonna do ruby lines and trying and trying and im like
RELAX
so im in the library and its only one night..ill just do an al nighter or something. anyone got any speed? (jokes!)
October 17th 2008
forward 1 week and i didnt get that flat and job becasue he already gave the job away and only had the room available. what a knobhead. but i dont care, ive been really proactive this week and handing out cvs and shit and i signed up with 2 job agencies. oh cool. why the fuck is it october? i dont know. I tried Nos last night for my first time. I inhaled as much as i could into my lungs, and it was like tick tick tick tick tick tick tick .....pause. TING! and I went
MAD
I ran down the driveway screaming and screaming. It's all a blur really. I had never felt anything quite like it.. Hmm.
MAD
I ran down the driveway screaming and screaming. It's all a blur really. I had never felt anything quite like it.. Hmm.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
October 10th 2008
Today me shelley and shanza went to federation square, and there was this band this playing and no one was dancing so i went up and danced. then this asian old guy started dancing with me and these people were cheering. haha. then after that we saw this act called human graffiti and it was amazing, you didnt know whether or not they were starting their performance or not, it was like these acrobats doing really cool moves to this cool music. Simon and Asherz woulda liked it. then i went home. and served the dinner. the children showed up and then i didnt do my job properly and got stoned and had the spliff in my hand as sarah walked out then we made burgers then went out to buy alcohol and couldnt get it becasue i didnt have my id. :(
then we came home. simon and ash left. yeah. then i got fired form my dinner serving job. so hopefully i get this job and flat tomorrow. thatd be great. whoop hoop.
then we came home. simon and ash left. yeah. then i got fired form my dinner serving job. so hopefully i get this job and flat tomorrow. thatd be great. whoop hoop.
October 3rd 2008
so i like, get on the tram. and the last stop is like 3 mins away, so im like, why the hell did the old man at the information desk give me shite information and tell me to go the opposite direction hellooo so i get off and its raining like a bitch and im like, ok cool, so i dont even know how to get there! i was trying to meet this guy at his restaurant or whatever for a possible kitchen hand job.. sweet. i rang him, and i was like im coming now and he was all like yeah hawthorne rd st kilda and im like yeah ill write the address on my leg than and see you within like now and half an hour so i like get fucked over by trams and rain and people who think they know how to get to places
so i come to the library to go on google maps to find this fucker of a place and the address dont even exist! bitch on toast! SCREW you. you are a facker, you loser! dumb. fuck! so ill ring him tomorrow. ok? happy? cool. im listening to tool for like the first ime in 83 years.
I miss Simon. I miss Ashley. I miss Damien. I miss Doug. I feel bad. and embarrassed. and unecessary, the last time I saw them was on the tram on the way to there work, then i had to just drop into a bad mood and go 'oh i gotta go' and walked off the tram without them hardly knowing. i havent even heard from them since then. only Damo. and he told us to tell them when wed get there last night, and that was at 8pm, and so we get there like 4 hours later, and try call them while were outside there hostel, and no answer blah blah blah, im just a bit nervous, i feel a bit scared and stupid. i tried texting Ash, but he didnt reply. I just want to see them. there all like getting on with it and having fun boy time and being all like yeeeeeah were boys and were mischevious little buddies (cute!) and i feel like the stupid idiot girl baby that is like totally opposite and a waste of time. and plain annoying. fuck me. i just really hope to god therenot angry with me. and dont want to see me again. i just wanna see there faces and we all smile and go 'Love you friend!' and thats all. and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah im sorry. I'm sorry! I'm sorry ok. I promise I love you all and I'll try and try. if its my job I'll slave til the end. I love you.
so i come to the library to go on google maps to find this fucker of a place and the address dont even exist! bitch on toast! SCREW you. you are a facker, you loser! dumb. fuck! so ill ring him tomorrow. ok? happy? cool. im listening to tool for like the first ime in 83 years.
I miss Simon. I miss Ashley. I miss Damien. I miss Doug. I feel bad. and embarrassed. and unecessary, the last time I saw them was on the tram on the way to there work, then i had to just drop into a bad mood and go 'oh i gotta go' and walked off the tram without them hardly knowing. i havent even heard from them since then. only Damo. and he told us to tell them when wed get there last night, and that was at 8pm, and so we get there like 4 hours later, and try call them while were outside there hostel, and no answer blah blah blah, im just a bit nervous, i feel a bit scared and stupid. i tried texting Ash, but he didnt reply. I just want to see them. there all like getting on with it and having fun boy time and being all like yeeeeeah were boys and were mischevious little buddies (cute!) and i feel like the stupid idiot girl baby that is like totally opposite and a waste of time. and plain annoying. fuck me. i just really hope to god therenot angry with me. and dont want to see me again. i just wanna see there faces and we all smile and go 'Love you friend!' and thats all. and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah im sorry. I'm sorry! I'm sorry ok. I promise I love you all and I'll try and try. if its my job I'll slave til the end. I love you.
October 2nd 2008
I feel like im at that point where alexander supertramp was in into the wild when hes like about to die. but except i have food. so i dont actually have his sickness or anything. and this just proves its hard to explain. i just wanna scream 'hello'. its so annoying becasue i dont even have a passport. you know? those things that everyone has. i dont have one, you know when people give up, and they go home, well i cant do that, because you need a passport. I rang alice yesterday and she saw Jasper in town. his hair is longer. it must be pretty long. I could bawl my eyes out right now, but im in the library. i dont really get why im so down. like i cant even explain. and theres nothing i can do and theres no one to cry to and no one gives a fuck and no one gets it and everyone just expects me to fucking jump around and be silly all the fucking time every fucking second of the fucking day its like im never allowed to not be talking. and if i do talk, its like 'hahahah oh your just being funny anyway aye ruby? aye ruby? thats all your good for is to be funny. go be funny. its funny when your funny. make me laugh. be cute or something. ill get back to you later. if you have something serious to say, if you wanna talk to me, if youwant me to talk to you---oh hold on you wont need that. so yeah. we wont worry, your not human, your just a bunch of glitter and fun. you dumb fuck, fuck you'
If i could have anything right now it would be some sense. please. thats all i want. I have a regular pace that I walk at on the footpath. but i slowed it down, right down. because i wasnt going anywhere anyway. then i sat on a step. then i walked again. im just here you know thats it, im in melbourne. Jasper gets it. Im just in melbourne. I dont have days, dates, times, just eyes. i can just see whats in front of me, and thats it. if i want to do anything, i cant do it. im just here, i just wake up, i just eat, breathe, speak, shower get dressed brush my stupid teeth, and im going absolutely insane. ive never had nothing to my name before, i feel like ive thrown my life away and i can never get started again. its just fucked and i cant be fucked ever again i just need to scream
If i could have anything right now it would be some sense. please. thats all i want. I have a regular pace that I walk at on the footpath. but i slowed it down, right down. because i wasnt going anywhere anyway. then i sat on a step. then i walked again. im just here you know thats it, im in melbourne. Jasper gets it. Im just in melbourne. I dont have days, dates, times, just eyes. i can just see whats in front of me, and thats it. if i want to do anything, i cant do it. im just here, i just wake up, i just eat, breathe, speak, shower get dressed brush my stupid teeth, and im going absolutely insane. ive never had nothing to my name before, i feel like ive thrown my life away and i can never get started again. its just fucked and i cant be fucked ever again i just need to scream
September 29th 2008
come on come on come on get through it!
i just had an interview at the body shop, and i dont really care if i dont get it because you have to wear 5 colours on your face evryday. and i dont wear makeup so it may be a little shock to the system if ya feelin feelin what i meanin. i think i just might busk my way around the world.
2 lines from two pretty good songs from 2 sweet bands..
'its a crazy situation, to find yourself a job when theres nothing worth working for'
'income tax deduction, what a hell of a function'
yeah so i figured.. if i feel happy, and blessed, to be in such a wonderful city, and be happy for how everything has worked out, and of course the BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE IVE MET. fuck i love my friends. the are the world. and another world. oh yeah and i believe in myself. then whatever. how can i have all this and not have had a job still, six months later, yeah. i have plenty to be happy about. and i just have to keep thinking that. last night i was really happy. i cried for about 5 minutes after that, but it wasnt because i was down. or upset, cuz i was actually really happy.. i think i just felt a bit scared. i just had this notion that i was alone.. and young. and doing my entire life by myself. and i just felt a little scared.
Simon says I have puppet feet.
i just had an interview at the body shop, and i dont really care if i dont get it because you have to wear 5 colours on your face evryday. and i dont wear makeup so it may be a little shock to the system if ya feelin feelin what i meanin. i think i just might busk my way around the world.
2 lines from two pretty good songs from 2 sweet bands..
'its a crazy situation, to find yourself a job when theres nothing worth working for'
'income tax deduction, what a hell of a function'
yeah so i figured.. if i feel happy, and blessed, to be in such a wonderful city, and be happy for how everything has worked out, and of course the BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE IVE MET. fuck i love my friends. the are the world. and another world. oh yeah and i believe in myself. then whatever. how can i have all this and not have had a job still, six months later, yeah. i have plenty to be happy about. and i just have to keep thinking that. last night i was really happy. i cried for about 5 minutes after that, but it wasnt because i was down. or upset, cuz i was actually really happy.. i think i just felt a bit scared. i just had this notion that i was alone.. and young. and doing my entire life by myself. and i just felt a little scared.
Simon says I have puppet feet.
September 18th 2008
When I help Simon clean the hostel from 1-4pm every single day, I usually go to the window when we are up on the top floor and look way out the furthest I can and I see these beautiful hills in the distance. Hazy. So my body is in this hostel, but my mind really isin't. I'm patiently waiting for something to come up. Like .. a job maybe? That would be cool. Money. Money is kinda handy.. But I love cheating the world. I love the fact people are controlled by it and are cautious with it. Becasue I'm not. I'm cheating the world. I'm living and breathing and eating and loving and being love, without a cent to my name, and I'm doing it all in Melbourne. Away from home. Away from all the fuckups.
I want to leave here, just for maybe a few nights. Out to those hills I see everyday. I wanna just go there and feed my sould for a bit. And remind myself how lucky I am to be alive. I wanna go out there and feel like a complete failure for all the stupid things I've said and then come back to myself again.
Hahhahahahhahahhaha
I want to leave here, just for maybe a few nights. Out to those hills I see everyday. I wanna just go there and feed my sould for a bit. And remind myself how lucky I am to be alive. I wanna go out there and feel like a complete failure for all the stupid things I've said and then come back to myself again.
Hahhahahahhahahhaha
September 4th 2008
oh my god i just counted on my fingers and ive been away from nz for 6 solid months! shitt! anyway, i feel so fascinated my nz all of a sudden, and im always going on about the details of auckland especially to my friend Simon and im like, 'aaaaah i so have to show you around auckland' and itll be so funny cuz we can take him to lame places like massey.. who the hell goes out there?!? lol. but yeah im having this big reminisce thing on google earth at the moment , even with my friend josh whos from auckland, and its kinda funny. im like. omg! theres krd! and then i go up to northland.. and all the places i used to live..
bah im a freak
bah im a freak
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
August 26th 2008
a quick note. to look back at twenty years from now for a reminicse that will branch off onto a billionth meaningful smile.
i have 10 mins of internet time remaining, im about to go out to one of my favourite melbourne bars with Simon, someone who I dont know for sure if i will know for years and years to come but would of COURSE love to. um. oh and with a guy from epsom in auckland. so yeah tha same simon i talked about in my last blog, just quick, hes staying.. im so happy.. i love who he is.. an inspiration to me and beautiful person inside and out, and a fucking pleasure to be around, always. so were going to st geromes soon, um, staying in a backpackers. yeah so simon was gonna go to Japan.. but its funny coz i could reeeally feel he was leaving. im so happy hes staying for another few months then he'll leave then come back then me josh and him wanna do a nz road trip next feb. honestly, really, wanna do it.. we proabably will. i dont see why we cant. but yeah. happy right now. pretty moneyless. but its ok becasue im being looked after by life, and what matters. im happy. im fucking happy. i love. i love. i love and im living.
even though all that was underlined by mistake, and i kept trying to take the underline off but wouldnt work blah computers, it may as well have been underlined becasue i mean, ive been in australia for about 6 months now, and my heart and soul are pretty much on fire with learning about.. you know. things that are important. you get my drift. yeah so . im really crispy. and stuff. sorry cant type how i feel gtg BYE! bless.
i have 10 mins of internet time remaining, im about to go out to one of my favourite melbourne bars with Simon, someone who I dont know for sure if i will know for years and years to come but would of COURSE love to. um. oh and with a guy from epsom in auckland. so yeah tha same simon i talked about in my last blog, just quick, hes staying.. im so happy.. i love who he is.. an inspiration to me and beautiful person inside and out, and a fucking pleasure to be around, always. so were going to st geromes soon, um, staying in a backpackers. yeah so simon was gonna go to Japan.. but its funny coz i could reeeally feel he was leaving. im so happy hes staying for another few months then he'll leave then come back then me josh and him wanna do a nz road trip next feb. honestly, really, wanna do it.. we proabably will. i dont see why we cant. but yeah. happy right now. pretty moneyless. but its ok becasue im being looked after by life, and what matters. im happy. im fucking happy. i love. i love. i love and im living.
even though all that was underlined by mistake, and i kept trying to take the underline off but wouldnt work blah computers, it may as well have been underlined becasue i mean, ive been in australia for about 6 months now, and my heart and soul are pretty much on fire with learning about.. you know. things that are important. you get my drift. yeah so . im really crispy. and stuff. sorry cant type how i feel gtg BYE! bless.
August 16th 2008
man these six months have gone way fast. i just put my washing on, ruly, and josh was supposed to come back at around 6 to dye my hair but he went out for dinner instead and i knew he was going out for dinner but he said he'd dye my hair beforehand. fuck! im dying it black, and i bought some freaky cool red lip color to go with.
I met this guy last.. Monday I think it was, his names Simon. The first thing I said to him was 'I like your bag' and we talked a little, I told him he reminded me a little of Ian Curtis from Joy Division. Anyway, me and him have been hanging out everyday since we met. He's from London, and he's going to Japan tomorrow for a month. I'm really glad I met him, he's the kind of person that doesn't seem to go out of his way to make himself feel included in the lameass mundane level thing. God I'm so bloody bad at words sometimes I feel like i cant even speak english. fuck sake. I cant really explain how cool he is. all I can say that I'm happy as that I met him, and I can't wait til he comes back to melb so we can go buy a duckling and a baby rabbit!
internet is shit and no-one can even know me or even try evn if they looked at my myspace page shit everyday. buh buy
I met this guy last.. Monday I think it was, his names Simon. The first thing I said to him was 'I like your bag' and we talked a little, I told him he reminded me a little of Ian Curtis from Joy Division. Anyway, me and him have been hanging out everyday since we met. He's from London, and he's going to Japan tomorrow for a month. I'm really glad I met him, he's the kind of person that doesn't seem to go out of his way to make himself feel included in the lameass mundane level thing. God I'm so bloody bad at words sometimes I feel like i cant even speak english. fuck sake. I cant really explain how cool he is. all I can say that I'm happy as that I met him, and I can't wait til he comes back to melb so we can go buy a duckling and a baby rabbit!
internet is shit and no-one can even know me or even try evn if they looked at my myspace page shit everyday. buh buy
August 8th 2008
I hate it how the world wants you to be unhappy. I hate how when I'm happy, someone or something decides to fucking crush it. Not that it ever reeeeally works, but it's just so rude. I'm so tired of everything, I wanna go back to NZ I wanna stay in Melbourne I wanna go here I wanna go here I wanna go there I wanna be everywhere and nowhere, I wanna know no-one and meet people, I wanna die for 5 minutes and I wanna live. But most of all, yeah most af all, I want a job. I'm starting to think I'm a pretty weak person, everything in the fucking universe is a contradiction because people and maybe me may think that I'm so so brave and strong or whatever leaving nz when i was 17 but I'm beginning to think that I'm getting weaker and weaker and more afraid.
I've been fired twice this week. I didn't react the second time as much as I couldve, because I simply just couldnt be bothered. I've tried crying, but it didn't work. I feel fucked up inside, about everything, the fact some dickhead said to me the other day good luck with finding my 'home' because I 'don't have one'.
I have had so much fun over the almost past 6 months. It feels like it's been all my life because nothing before that feels like it matters. In the middle of all the fun it's common for me to get a feeling like, 'who am i' or 'what am i doing' and its so weird. I'm living this fucking weird life in my opinion. I can feel like I am so isolated, and feel like I have all the support in the world. I feel like I wanna burst out in tears and lay in the middle of the motorway screaming for cars to stop incase they might run me over, then I cant find the tears. Or the time. or the place. sometimes I just wanna hug. And sometimes all that matters to me in my life is my cat. sometimes I dream of going to Nashville and starting a music project with two other guys with natural coloured hair, and sometimes I smoke a ciggarette. sometimes I take photos sometimes i eat pasta sometimes i do this sometimes i do that. sometimes i wanna die sometimes i wanna kill someone.
only sometimes.
I've been fired twice this week. I didn't react the second time as much as I couldve, because I simply just couldnt be bothered. I've tried crying, but it didn't work. I feel fucked up inside, about everything, the fact some dickhead said to me the other day good luck with finding my 'home' because I 'don't have one'.
I have had so much fun over the almost past 6 months. It feels like it's been all my life because nothing before that feels like it matters. In the middle of all the fun it's common for me to get a feeling like, 'who am i' or 'what am i doing' and its so weird. I'm living this fucking weird life in my opinion. I can feel like I am so isolated, and feel like I have all the support in the world. I feel like I wanna burst out in tears and lay in the middle of the motorway screaming for cars to stop incase they might run me over, then I cant find the tears. Or the time. or the place. sometimes I just wanna hug. And sometimes all that matters to me in my life is my cat. sometimes I dream of going to Nashville and starting a music project with two other guys with natural coloured hair, and sometimes I smoke a ciggarette. sometimes I take photos sometimes i eat pasta sometimes i do this sometimes i do that. sometimes i wanna die sometimes i wanna kill someone.
only sometimes.
July 30th 2008
so today is the first day im getting money into my bank account since august 2007. ruly............... i met this guy Josh on friday night, turns out he lives just 10minute drive away from me! he is so cool. we connect in some way. he was living in melbourne all last year and then he went home for six months then came back. but he just rules, i really do like him! my job is ok, ive only worked 3 days so far. mostly training. and yeah. my first day on the street i met Jon Toogood from shihad and i was like uhh hi JON! and he held my hand the whole time we talked! he lives just off the street i was working on that day. so cool! then we bumped into each other again.
last weekend was pretty trashy, i was at a gay bar aclled the peel with josh until like, 6am. we had been drinking gin all day, i fucked up the dinner for the backpackers, someone got a wee piecce of glass in their food and kinda cut their gum. its all good, i just cant work here for accommadation anymore.. which is ok. my job matters at the moment. but yeah, we got back that night at 7.30am. waaaaaaaaaaaa. so fuckin fun though
last weekend was pretty trashy, i was at a gay bar aclled the peel with josh until like, 6am. we had been drinking gin all day, i fucked up the dinner for the backpackers, someone got a wee piecce of glass in their food and kinda cut their gum. its all good, i just cant work here for accommadation anymore.. which is ok. my job matters at the moment. but yeah, we got back that night at 7.30am. waaaaaaaaaaaa. so fuckin fun though
July 22nd 2008
so these are my thoughts and doing as of now..so i start my new job tomorrow! yippee.. i have ordered a new debit card. which is like something i used to imagine but they like totally omg invented it so yay i can have one. its just like a mastercard, but theres no interest involved so u can use it for.. buying shit over the internet or whatever and it comes straight out of your fucking bank account! swit.i was just reading about johnny greenwood, the radiohead guitarist becasue ive always been drawn to him through videos and pictures and whatever, and it noted that he is known to be quite the shy one, and it just occured to me once again, im always ALWAYS drawn to 'shy' people! i swear man. its weird. oh and also, if your born in may, ill get along with you. honest. but anyway. so yeah, im gonna ace this job, i can see it being quite a stable job for me. im gonna save about $300-$400 per week, and pretty soon im gonna establish myself in melbourne.. exciting. im looking at flats at the moment, an fucking wait to get outta this backpacker living! aar dorm living for 5 months kinda gets to you a bit. im gonna buy a new bed BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY GET MY VINYL SHIPPED OVER FROM HOME.then when it comes.im gonna open it alland give it a big whiffaaahhthen pla kings of leon to warm up my new room. so hopefully ill be in a new room by the next couple of months. i just need to sort out shit first. like bond money. and whatever. i met this guy last night from brighton called dan (probabyly short for daniel) thats keen to go to nashville with me. sweet as, he also shares the kings of leon flame. god bless tennessee
July 15th 2008
Today, I got a FUCKING JOB FOR FUCK SAKE FUCKER FUCK
withh... Greenpeace! Sweet as. So , i was outside yesterady morning, eating my leftover pasta sitting next to my new Wanaka friend Sam(antha), and she was saying she may have a possible job with Greenpeace, and I was like bubble, can I get in touch with them too bro...?? scab scab .. and she was all like YEAH! so she texted them, they rang me, i went with her to the interview , today, there were like 12 people there, and 4 were kiwis can u believe that?
of the four months i was in sydney, i met 4 kiwis alltogether, man, ive been in melb 1 week and 3 days, and ive met like, 20. insane, and you know whats even more insane? one of the guys at the interview, i was neighbours with his GRANDPARENTS in WHANGAREI. annnd, we lived like 2 streets over in kingsland auck.. i was on third ave and he was on central road.. u may know where that is. anyway...
so we all had this talk shit practise debate thing blah blah. we went out on the street to do a little practise, 3 people at a time, we had to get as many ticks as we could, so we'd go up to people and be like 'ok, out of these three, which would you prefer to support.. amnesty, greenpeace or WSPA' so .. i got like 20 something ticks it was pretty good. real fun..
my one on one interview went quite well too! i was so confident today. i love every minute. so yeah the job is on the streets.. plenty of travel opportunities.. in a different place everyday.. and yes im the PERSON YOU HATE! the one asking fo yo cash.. support greenpeace you fuck.. yeah that one.
but u cant turn down AUD$16.50 per hour plus bonuses and $40 extra for every person you sign up .. can you?? NOOOOOOO
Goodbye DEBTS! Hello
TTTTTTT
RRRRRR
AAAAAA
VVVVVV
EEEEEEE
LLLLLLL
!!!!!!!!!!!!
withh... Greenpeace! Sweet as. So , i was outside yesterady morning, eating my leftover pasta sitting next to my new Wanaka friend Sam(antha), and she was saying she may have a possible job with Greenpeace, and I was like bubble, can I get in touch with them too bro...?? scab scab .. and she was all like YEAH! so she texted them, they rang me, i went with her to the interview , today, there were like 12 people there, and 4 were kiwis can u believe that?
of the four months i was in sydney, i met 4 kiwis alltogether, man, ive been in melb 1 week and 3 days, and ive met like, 20. insane, and you know whats even more insane? one of the guys at the interview, i was neighbours with his GRANDPARENTS in WHANGAREI. annnd, we lived like 2 streets over in kingsland auck.. i was on third ave and he was on central road.. u may know where that is. anyway...
so we all had this talk shit practise debate thing blah blah. we went out on the street to do a little practise, 3 people at a time, we had to get as many ticks as we could, so we'd go up to people and be like 'ok, out of these three, which would you prefer to support.. amnesty, greenpeace or WSPA' so .. i got like 20 something ticks it was pretty good. real fun..
my one on one interview went quite well too! i was so confident today. i love every minute. so yeah the job is on the streets.. plenty of travel opportunities.. in a different place everyday.. and yes im the PERSON YOU HATE! the one asking fo yo cash.. support greenpeace you fuck.. yeah that one.
but u cant turn down AUD$16.50 per hour plus bonuses and $40 extra for every person you sign up .. can you?? NOOOOOOO
Goodbye DEBTS! Hello
TTTTTTT
RRRRRR
AAAAAA
VVVVVV
EEEEEEE
LLLLLLL
!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 13th 2008
So yeah. i cant actually say ive seen much of melbourne yet, my days are pretty much based on going to the market and buying groceries for the dinner for the hostel i dont really mind.. i do want a job, but in the back of my mind its like aaah.. i like sleep ins. and what do i need money for .. i got a bed and free food.. my best uncle just emailed me right this second:::::::
Hey Ruby.
You still out there in Australia somewhere? Made new spirit soul friends?
I just got back from the South Is. Flew down,drove a truck back.Stayed in Rotorua.Read a letter you sent Aunty Jackie.Nice letter.
You could teach as much as you learn.Pray for me to win lotto or atleast have a happy wealthy life and i'll be your best friend plus the universe will reward you.
Keep me informed with what you know,but not everything.
Your going hard core girl,out there in the world.You got the balls,kudos to you,mana.tu meki.congradulations,lets have a toast,go to the ball.....
Keep the ball rolling.We'll high five at a later date.
chow for now brow.
little things like that keep me going. I really should be proud of myself.
anyway, ive decided i wanna go to nashville, after melbourne. deep dirty south. maybe ill bump into kings of leon. way way awayyyyyyyyy..
Hey Ruby.
You still out there in Australia somewhere? Made new spirit soul friends?
I just got back from the South Is. Flew down,drove a truck back.Stayed in Rotorua.Read a letter you sent Aunty Jackie.Nice letter.
You could teach as much as you learn.Pray for me to win lotto or atleast have a happy wealthy life and i'll be your best friend plus the universe will reward you.
Keep me informed with what you know,but not everything.
Your going hard core girl,out there in the world.You got the balls,kudos to you,mana.tu meki.congradulations,lets have a toast,go to the ball.....
Keep the ball rolling.We'll high five at a later date.
chow for now brow.
little things like that keep me going. I really should be proud of myself.
anyway, ive decided i wanna go to nashville, after melbourne. deep dirty south. maybe ill bump into kings of leon. way way awayyyyyyyyy..
July 11th 2008 MELBOURNE
Woo so I've been in Melbourne for a week and two days. Since being kicked out of Chilli blue, I felt I just wanted to leave. Me and Christine were pretty confused and felt like we werent all there and like aah what are we doing and we felt like our bodies were there but that was about it ha. I wanted to leave sydney all together really. I just felt like I had my time there. I wanted to go to Melbourne. I dont know why, I had heard so much good stuff about it, I had been told that I'd like it there. But I had no money and It was pretty much like a notion in my head to leave.
I did get a refund when we got kicked out of chilli blue, i had paid for another month the night before we got kicked out, which was $375, and fuckhead mike owed me like $150 for work that i did for him. what a twat. i hope his business dies.
anyway. so i got all that back on the morning that we left minus $45 for the pan i didnt wash. what a bitch! im gonna spraypaint mike is a fucker on chilli blue before i leave aus. hes such a lame dick egg
anyway. so we went to the next backpackers yadd yadda. i paid for two weeks.. because i 'knew' id be there for that long. man i feel like apple juice. and then fritterd the rest of my cash away. typical. butttt i started to do cleaning every morning at 6am for two hours for free accommadation
ah i cant even be bothered writing this it seems so irrelevant but maybe when im like 80 ill be like yay i wrote it
ok so yeah so then eventually i met these two from england, dax who was 18 from manchester and abbie who was from surrey and they were pretty cool, i met them when they checked in when i was cleangin one morning and we seemed to click pretty well, they checked into the same room as me so we ended up just talking and shit. they were pretty cool, the sensible type that have plans each day you know yeah.
so one day we all went for walkies round the opera house and harbour and shit and they were telling me about there plans about fuckin u know fuckin travelling and shite and they were telling me about how there gonna hire a van and go down to melbourne and back and i was just about to jokingly say 'i should tag along' and then abbie was like 'come with us! we need more people' so.. i thought about it.
it was a monday. they checked into the backpackers the sunday just before, and i had checked into it the thursday before. they were leaving in this hired hippie van the coming saturday.
then. as the days passed, as my money was gone, as my brain was frazzing with should i stay or should i go.. i felt inside i should go, and since i was thinking about it it couldnt have just been coincidence that the oppurtunity just arose in a matter of days to get out of sydney like i wanted.
so i felt the fear and did it. i fuckin gave in. andrea lent me about $400, true story, she is truly an amazing person, i went for a massage the day i left with this vouceher that andrea bought all of us one day. and the saturday came blah blah ho ho we left, stayed in blue mountains 2 nights amazing, fun road trip, cool, look at the pictures, and yeah.
oh.
the days leading up to coming to melb i emailed about a billion backapackers in melbourne to see if they had any work for accommadation, i got a few replies and went with a place called the nomads industry..
so blah blah. forward 4 days of road trip, reading into the wild, freezing my fucking skin off, sleeping in a van, staying in a campervan park with kanga pangaroos, ah i went to go take a photo of one and it like jumped out at me and purred really loud. then i had this fear that we would be woken up by a kanga family kicking our van. but that didnt happen.. phew.
so yeah. we stopped in canberra! the capital. honestly, even though its like so properly built and designed, and even though it has that massive parliament building, that city seems so forced. you can tell its just a small town in the middle of nowhere, with buildings all over it. we had a tour of the parliament building. oooOooOooOoOoHHhHH.
blah drive seep eat no shower, we got to Melbourne! It was so exciting going past the wecome to Victoria sign. new state. sweet as bro.
so yeah. we found the new backpackers/home.. i was going to. i checked in and found out id be doing cooking instead if cleaning.. which is ok. i was kinda nervous at first because i was like uh shit, 150 people five nights a week to cook for thats kinda scary. but ok. yeah i pretty much felt a good vibe off melbourne as soon as we got there.
abbie and dax left to go park somewhere for the night, while i went to my new room, checked out melbourne city with a night walk. it was great. i remember feeling so happy and so fresh and new and proud of myself to stepping foot alone in a brand new place. i loved the trams, the sound of them rumbling along the road.
i bought a doughnut for a dollar. it was horrible. ew and it had jam inside. i walked right down through the city to the big ol ferris wheel. the arcitechture in this city is so cool. theres this place and its got big steps and then this bit with a paved brick footpath bit and its all wavy like an earthquake.
then i found this alleyway, one of about a million in this city, and i walked down it in awe at all the amazing artwork along the walls. youd think there was like nothing down there but back doors, usually, if i saw an alleyway or something id walk right past it , but im learning to discover because the 'walls with nothing' are where 'its' at.
the next day i went down the same alley, and i was looking more in detail at the stuff on the walls and i heard music coming from somewhere.. loud.. cool music.. very close. i was wondering where it was coming from, then i had such a cartoon moment. i peeped through a hole in a fence and saw all these people drinking coffee and laughing. i wanted to know how to get in there and i found a door, and it opened up to a wonderful tiny little bar/cafe! so warm, and it had an outside, and i got a chai latte for $3. yummee.
so yeah.
so. its only been a week and two days, but i swear ive been here like a month already. the cookings going well, people love it. last night i made a vegetarian potato curry thing. yarghm!
ive made some aquaintances. last night we went out to this little bar. it was actually quite big. i keep walking past it wanting to go in there so we did yay. thats where my current default was taken. so yeah, i dont have any money to my name, my drinks were shouted last night, i had a margarita it was strong. and salty. it was good.
i have free food. a bed. shower facility. a cool city to be in everyday. im looking for a job., i wanna stay here for a while. once i get a job. i wanna move in somewhere. yeah. im such a freeloader. yeah but why not . the strokes are keeping me company. and tokyo police club. and daniel. and i miss andrea and christine.
i wanna write for vice magazine. how cool would that be.
I did get a refund when we got kicked out of chilli blue, i had paid for another month the night before we got kicked out, which was $375, and fuckhead mike owed me like $150 for work that i did for him. what a twat. i hope his business dies.
anyway. so i got all that back on the morning that we left minus $45 for the pan i didnt wash. what a bitch! im gonna spraypaint mike is a fucker on chilli blue before i leave aus. hes such a lame dick egg
anyway. so we went to the next backpackers yadd yadda. i paid for two weeks.. because i 'knew' id be there for that long. man i feel like apple juice. and then fritterd the rest of my cash away. typical. butttt i started to do cleaning every morning at 6am for two hours for free accommadation
ah i cant even be bothered writing this it seems so irrelevant but maybe when im like 80 ill be like yay i wrote it
ok so yeah so then eventually i met these two from england, dax who was 18 from manchester and abbie who was from surrey and they were pretty cool, i met them when they checked in when i was cleangin one morning and we seemed to click pretty well, they checked into the same room as me so we ended up just talking and shit. they were pretty cool, the sensible type that have plans each day you know yeah.
so one day we all went for walkies round the opera house and harbour and shit and they were telling me about there plans about fuckin u know fuckin travelling and shite and they were telling me about how there gonna hire a van and go down to melbourne and back and i was just about to jokingly say 'i should tag along' and then abbie was like 'come with us! we need more people' so.. i thought about it.
it was a monday. they checked into the backpackers the sunday just before, and i had checked into it the thursday before. they were leaving in this hired hippie van the coming saturday.
then. as the days passed, as my money was gone, as my brain was frazzing with should i stay or should i go.. i felt inside i should go, and since i was thinking about it it couldnt have just been coincidence that the oppurtunity just arose in a matter of days to get out of sydney like i wanted.
so i felt the fear and did it. i fuckin gave in. andrea lent me about $400, true story, she is truly an amazing person, i went for a massage the day i left with this vouceher that andrea bought all of us one day. and the saturday came blah blah ho ho we left, stayed in blue mountains 2 nights amazing, fun road trip, cool, look at the pictures, and yeah.
oh.
the days leading up to coming to melb i emailed about a billion backapackers in melbourne to see if they had any work for accommadation, i got a few replies and went with a place called the nomads industry..
so blah blah. forward 4 days of road trip, reading into the wild, freezing my fucking skin off, sleeping in a van, staying in a campervan park with kanga pangaroos, ah i went to go take a photo of one and it like jumped out at me and purred really loud. then i had this fear that we would be woken up by a kanga family kicking our van. but that didnt happen.. phew.
so yeah. we stopped in canberra! the capital. honestly, even though its like so properly built and designed, and even though it has that massive parliament building, that city seems so forced. you can tell its just a small town in the middle of nowhere, with buildings all over it. we had a tour of the parliament building. oooOooOooOoOoHHhHH.
blah drive seep eat no shower, we got to Melbourne! It was so exciting going past the wecome to Victoria sign. new state. sweet as bro.
so yeah. we found the new backpackers/home.. i was going to. i checked in and found out id be doing cooking instead if cleaning.. which is ok. i was kinda nervous at first because i was like uh shit, 150 people five nights a week to cook for thats kinda scary. but ok. yeah i pretty much felt a good vibe off melbourne as soon as we got there.
abbie and dax left to go park somewhere for the night, while i went to my new room, checked out melbourne city with a night walk. it was great. i remember feeling so happy and so fresh and new and proud of myself to stepping foot alone in a brand new place. i loved the trams, the sound of them rumbling along the road.
i bought a doughnut for a dollar. it was horrible. ew and it had jam inside. i walked right down through the city to the big ol ferris wheel. the arcitechture in this city is so cool. theres this place and its got big steps and then this bit with a paved brick footpath bit and its all wavy like an earthquake.
then i found this alleyway, one of about a million in this city, and i walked down it in awe at all the amazing artwork along the walls. youd think there was like nothing down there but back doors, usually, if i saw an alleyway or something id walk right past it , but im learning to discover because the 'walls with nothing' are where 'its' at.
the next day i went down the same alley, and i was looking more in detail at the stuff on the walls and i heard music coming from somewhere.. loud.. cool music.. very close. i was wondering where it was coming from, then i had such a cartoon moment. i peeped through a hole in a fence and saw all these people drinking coffee and laughing. i wanted to know how to get in there and i found a door, and it opened up to a wonderful tiny little bar/cafe! so warm, and it had an outside, and i got a chai latte for $3. yummee.
so yeah.
so. its only been a week and two days, but i swear ive been here like a month already. the cookings going well, people love it. last night i made a vegetarian potato curry thing. yarghm!
ive made some aquaintances. last night we went out to this little bar. it was actually quite big. i keep walking past it wanting to go in there so we did yay. thats where my current default was taken. so yeah, i dont have any money to my name, my drinks were shouted last night, i had a margarita it was strong. and salty. it was good.
i have free food. a bed. shower facility. a cool city to be in everyday. im looking for a job., i wanna stay here for a while. once i get a job. i wanna move in somewhere. yeah. im such a freeloader. yeah but why not . the strokes are keeping me company. and tokyo police club. and daniel. and i miss andrea and christine.
i wanna write for vice magazine. how cool would that be.
June 19th 2008
It actually happened. I left Chilli Blue Backpackers. Well, got kicked out of, Chilli Blue Backpackers. Last week, I said to Andrea 'It's funny how we're so uncertain about when we're leaving, because everyday we are so certain that we'll be sleeping here tonight'
Honestly, it's exactly life. Our last night, we had no idea it was our last night. But if we knew it was our last night.. it probably couldn't have been better.
First, a bunch of us played a drinking game called 'slap the goon' it was alright, drinking games are so fucking lame sometimes, it's like you have rules to drink your drink. And they're so funny too because there's no actual ending, people just become really tipsy and kinda just drift out of the group and do whatever. Lol.
So that was that. We were supposed to go out, and watch Sweden v. Russia was it? On TV at some bar at like, 4am. But theat never happened because we all ended up partying on our balcony. It was fantastic. Usually the courtyard gets all the attention but people started coming into our room and the balcony, and Ryan & Barney bought along this cool guy from their work, it's was loads of fun.. Goon galore and we were all getting pretty drunk, we ended up with tons of toilet paper somehow, and I was wrapping myself in it, Kings of Leon brothers and Tokyo Police Club kept us company.. it was just FUN.
People started leaving in the end, me and Christine usually always find each other toward the end of the night and start being drunktards together, so we went down to the kitchen and I made this mean Chicken Schnitzel sandwich, and then we started dancing on the seats to the TV, I had the remote and I turned the volume right up and Martin was trying to grab the remote off me to turn it down (he was sober) and then I don't really know what happened.. I think we just went back up and fucked around in the hallways.
At one point, I threw a wine glass off our balcony onto the roof next to us, and Christine threw a plate.
Magnus was doing his magic tricks it was freaking me the fuck out and it made me smile so hard I thought my face was gonna come off.
Anyway.. great night that was.
So this morning. At 9am, we all got woken up by 'You three, get up, your leaving, your being evicted, get all your shit together and get the hell outta here' Confused out of our brains, we asked Mike (the guy who said this, manager of Chilli Blue) Why? and he said 'Don't argue with me just do it'
He left the room, we all got up like 'What what what' and the 3 of us went down to see WHAT THE FUCK WAS UP.
As soon as we got down there, Mike was like, 'Where are your bags?' Then came the yelling.. Mike said 'Okay Andrea you have a chance of staying, but Ruby and Christine, you are out 100%' We asked why, and he just wouldn't fucking tell us. He just wouldn't even say a word.
Going down to reception the first time is a bit of a blur because we were so tired and confused just waking straight up to something like that.
So much stuff was just going through our heads, like why why why what what what the fuck?!? Then Mike said he'll talk to Andrea only, but not us.
NOTE: Mike is a deranged boring stale distraught lonelybutiwontadmitit person. Oh, slash manager of a place for the complete opposite to stay..
So we all went back upstairs to our room and did our heads in with this guessing game mike likes to play about what the fucking reason could be with this bullshit. We were thinking and thinking about what it could've been, and thought maybe we did something reeeeally bad while we were drunk the night before, but because we couldn't really remember everything we were just. I don't even know. It was just so shocking, I paid for another month the night before so it was like, so sudden, there was no 'feeling' of this ever happening.
So Andrea went downstairs to talk with Mike, and came back and told us he showed her a video from the survellience camera from the night before.
And you know what video it was? It was the one of me and Christine dancing on the fucking seats to Oasis on TV, and mike narrowmind twathead must've got the wrong idea about what Martin was trying to do, it obviously looked like he was trying to calm me down, but no he wanted the remote. I know that for a fact. I was there. Duh.
This same morning, a guy from next door also brought a box over filled with broken glass and rubbish. Mike wouldv'e obviously pointed his finger straight at us, it obviously came from our balcony, but it just hurts that he's pinned it straight onto me and Christine. For one thing, the shards from the glass that I threw and the plate Christine threw, didn't even land on the ground, infact they're in the gutter around the rooftop next to us, and theres no camera anywhere where he couldv'e found out it was us.
We had plenty of people up there last night, I can't STAND IT when people blame one person or in this case two for something alot have done. Or even worse when they blame whoever they feel like out of whoever they thought 'did it'.
So she also told us that he said I was 'useless' and that 'I can go back to New Zealand' and go live with my Dad, because he's not my dad. He said that Christine was an idiot moron also.
So this is what he showed to Andrea, and even though we can all think if that was anyone else he wouldn't kick them out, or it's just not a ligitimate reason, blah blah blah, I personally think everything just snowballed really.
I mean, the day before, when I was at work (I was working for Mike, cleaning/housekeeping at the other place he manages up the road) I was stripping this bed right, and he stands in the doorway and watches me do it. Here I am feeling completely awkward. And he goes to the 2 indonesian guys that I'm working with, 'Do you need her?' and they were like 'No you can take her away' then he was like to me 'This work is obviously not for you, come with me'
I felt like I was in trouble at fucking school again, we all know that feeling, that vast feeling of being in trouble, and it was just like that.
So he took me into his office, all while saying to me while I'm nearly in tears, 'I don't know how you'll ever get a job, your too slow, how is anyone going to hire you' and then he made me clean out his office all day, first he grabbed old binders off his shelf and started tearing out all these old faxes and whatnot and just started screwing them up and throwing then on the floor one after the other and was like hurry up, pick them all up and put them in a rubbish bag, fast'
It was a pretty horrible day. I just wanted to walk out of there in tears. Dickhead.
So what I mean by snowballed, and Sally the cleaner at Chilli Blue pretty much summed it up today was like, the little things. Like how we left dishes in our room, using the cups as ashtrays, putting tons of shit on our walls (posters etc.) I don't know really, I think I just have the feeling that he had had enough, maybe he just wanted that room to be back to a backpacker room, for backpackers not for people that don't know when they're leaving that turn it into their new home.
Room 20 was beautiful.
So anyway, it was all pretty shocking, so then me and Christine went down to try and get a reason why were were being kicked out out of Mike.
So first off, we go down to reception. And as much as we didn't even want to see Mike and avoid it all, we had to. And it was a nightmare.
First off, actually I don't know what we first said it was probably just something like 'We want to know what is going on'
So it pretty much consisted of this, Me and Christine: talk to us talk to us talk to us Mike. Mike: Ignoring the hell out of us and turning his music up so he can't hear us. It was horrible. It's exactly how you could imagine.
We were there for about 20mins just trying and trying to get him to talk to us, and here we are just trying and trying and persuading hiim to tell us why, and all he has to say is 'Get out, just leave you have to leave now, you have 20minutes before checkout time'
I said we have a right to know why we should leave, and he said we have no rights at all because he's a private business or some shit.
It was really hard, we were using all our energy, trying to get him to talk and all he could say were things like, your leaving today, go and pack your bags. It was so freaking weird, we just couldn't understand what the fuck his problem was. We ended up thinking it was just him being a depressed fucker and taking it out on us.
The question is, if he's all anal about us being drunk last night, then I can easily say, who the fuck provided all the alcohol? What the fuck do you expect from young drunk people? How can you expect less even, from people who are fucking dancing on the couch?
Do you know how much alcohol they provided for the hostel?! Like, tons! WHAT DOES HE EXPECT!?!??!?!????????????
So we just gave up on this twat, and I walked away and was like Christine let's just go, let's just get the fuck out of here it's not gonna work.
So we went up and started what looked like the impossible.. PACKING. Honestly, we don't live out of our 'backpacks'. We MOVED IN to room 20, seriously. It was like quarter to eleven when we started, and we finished at about 4pm.
About half an hour into packing, we hadn't eaten, and our minds had pretty much had a thrashing and we were feeling pretty upset so we thought if we had a good breakfast we'd feel a bit better and more fit for what we knew was gonna be a long day.
So we went down and had a big breakfast. Eggs, oranges, milk, blah. I cooked Chicken and broccoli too for my dinner for that day, so I must've used about 3 pans in that time.
I washed my dishes before I ate, and while I was eating outside with Christine, I keft my chicken cooking.
When I finished breakfast, I put my chicken into a container for later and took it upstairs with me for the rest of our packing.
Forward about 3-4 hours, we were ready to leave. There was no time for anyone to even know we were leaving, it was just so weird today.
So we went down, gave back our keys, got our refunds for our stay, and I got my wages for the work I did housekeeping for the week.
The pan I used to cook my chicken in was sitting in front of Mike, dirty still. I had forgotten to wash it. I actually did, I must've just put all my food in a container from it, stuck it in the sink straight away, got all my food together in the kitchen and just left and went up to pack forgetting to wash my pan.
I must sound like doing your dishes is fucking strict at Chilli Blue, it's a rule to do it, but sooo many dishes accumulate every day for Sally to do the next day so it's nothing new.
He stuck it in front of me and said 'You can keep this, take it with you' I was like I don't need it'
He went on to tell me he short paid me $45 of my money for the pan, the lid, and even the fucking spoon, just because I did'nt wash it.
I explained that it was a complete crock of shit and that I could simply just go and wash it again so I could have back my $45, but still. He didn't even hesitate to negotiate. He did the 'turn the music up ignore you I can't hear you' game'
I was in tears and so furious with how he was treating me. I hate being ignored.
I went up to clean the fucking pan, brought it back down and gave it to him exactly how I got it out of the cupboard, and demanded back my money, in tears still, with Christine beside me trying to get him to come around. But still, 'the treatment'
We left.
We found another place just around the corner called the palms.
2 of our good friends who we shared room 20 and weed with for about a month are staying here, Arthur and Sabrina. So it's ok.
This day feels so blurry kinda. The fact we're not in Chilli Blue I think will sink in later.
A group of us went out for coffee tonight, me and Christine being the only ones not from Chilli, and Margo was telling us that people are shocked about what's happened, and that people miss us.
My little bear Stefan, told Margo he misses me alot already, and I felt so sad, I gave a note from me to Margo to give to him with my email and stuff. He's gonna show me the opshops in Newtown I can't wait.
It's just weird. But it's exactly how it goes. Nothing ever goes to plan, unexpected thing are expected, and we left when we didn't even know it.
Apart of me is in that backpackers, stuff happened there that I'll remember for life, and things happened that are gonna gear me for the world.
I appreciated it so much, and I'll never forget it.
Far out..
Honestly, it's exactly life. Our last night, we had no idea it was our last night. But if we knew it was our last night.. it probably couldn't have been better.
First, a bunch of us played a drinking game called 'slap the goon' it was alright, drinking games are so fucking lame sometimes, it's like you have rules to drink your drink. And they're so funny too because there's no actual ending, people just become really tipsy and kinda just drift out of the group and do whatever. Lol.
So that was that. We were supposed to go out, and watch Sweden v. Russia was it? On TV at some bar at like, 4am. But theat never happened because we all ended up partying on our balcony. It was fantastic. Usually the courtyard gets all the attention but people started coming into our room and the balcony, and Ryan & Barney bought along this cool guy from their work, it's was loads of fun.. Goon galore and we were all getting pretty drunk, we ended up with tons of toilet paper somehow, and I was wrapping myself in it, Kings of Leon brothers and Tokyo Police Club kept us company.. it was just FUN.
People started leaving in the end, me and Christine usually always find each other toward the end of the night and start being drunktards together, so we went down to the kitchen and I made this mean Chicken Schnitzel sandwich, and then we started dancing on the seats to the TV, I had the remote and I turned the volume right up and Martin was trying to grab the remote off me to turn it down (he was sober) and then I don't really know what happened.. I think we just went back up and fucked around in the hallways.
At one point, I threw a wine glass off our balcony onto the roof next to us, and Christine threw a plate.
Magnus was doing his magic tricks it was freaking me the fuck out and it made me smile so hard I thought my face was gonna come off.
Anyway.. great night that was.
So this morning. At 9am, we all got woken up by 'You three, get up, your leaving, your being evicted, get all your shit together and get the hell outta here' Confused out of our brains, we asked Mike (the guy who said this, manager of Chilli Blue) Why? and he said 'Don't argue with me just do it'
He left the room, we all got up like 'What what what' and the 3 of us went down to see WHAT THE FUCK WAS UP.
As soon as we got down there, Mike was like, 'Where are your bags?' Then came the yelling.. Mike said 'Okay Andrea you have a chance of staying, but Ruby and Christine, you are out 100%' We asked why, and he just wouldn't fucking tell us. He just wouldn't even say a word.
Going down to reception the first time is a bit of a blur because we were so tired and confused just waking straight up to something like that.
So much stuff was just going through our heads, like why why why what what what the fuck?!? Then Mike said he'll talk to Andrea only, but not us.
NOTE: Mike is a deranged boring stale distraught lonelybutiwontadmitit person. Oh, slash manager of a place for the complete opposite to stay..
So we all went back upstairs to our room and did our heads in with this guessing game mike likes to play about what the fucking reason could be with this bullshit. We were thinking and thinking about what it could've been, and thought maybe we did something reeeeally bad while we were drunk the night before, but because we couldn't really remember everything we were just. I don't even know. It was just so shocking, I paid for another month the night before so it was like, so sudden, there was no 'feeling' of this ever happening.
So Andrea went downstairs to talk with Mike, and came back and told us he showed her a video from the survellience camera from the night before.
And you know what video it was? It was the one of me and Christine dancing on the fucking seats to Oasis on TV, and mike narrowmind twathead must've got the wrong idea about what Martin was trying to do, it obviously looked like he was trying to calm me down, but no he wanted the remote. I know that for a fact. I was there. Duh.
This same morning, a guy from next door also brought a box over filled with broken glass and rubbish. Mike wouldv'e obviously pointed his finger straight at us, it obviously came from our balcony, but it just hurts that he's pinned it straight onto me and Christine. For one thing, the shards from the glass that I threw and the plate Christine threw, didn't even land on the ground, infact they're in the gutter around the rooftop next to us, and theres no camera anywhere where he couldv'e found out it was us.
We had plenty of people up there last night, I can't STAND IT when people blame one person or in this case two for something alot have done. Or even worse when they blame whoever they feel like out of whoever they thought 'did it'.
So she also told us that he said I was 'useless' and that 'I can go back to New Zealand' and go live with my Dad, because he's not my dad. He said that Christine was an idiot moron also.
So this is what he showed to Andrea, and even though we can all think if that was anyone else he wouldn't kick them out, or it's just not a ligitimate reason, blah blah blah, I personally think everything just snowballed really.
I mean, the day before, when I was at work (I was working for Mike, cleaning/housekeeping at the other place he manages up the road) I was stripping this bed right, and he stands in the doorway and watches me do it. Here I am feeling completely awkward. And he goes to the 2 indonesian guys that I'm working with, 'Do you need her?' and they were like 'No you can take her away' then he was like to me 'This work is obviously not for you, come with me'
I felt like I was in trouble at fucking school again, we all know that feeling, that vast feeling of being in trouble, and it was just like that.
So he took me into his office, all while saying to me while I'm nearly in tears, 'I don't know how you'll ever get a job, your too slow, how is anyone going to hire you' and then he made me clean out his office all day, first he grabbed old binders off his shelf and started tearing out all these old faxes and whatnot and just started screwing them up and throwing then on the floor one after the other and was like hurry up, pick them all up and put them in a rubbish bag, fast'
It was a pretty horrible day. I just wanted to walk out of there in tears. Dickhead.
So what I mean by snowballed, and Sally the cleaner at Chilli Blue pretty much summed it up today was like, the little things. Like how we left dishes in our room, using the cups as ashtrays, putting tons of shit on our walls (posters etc.) I don't know really, I think I just have the feeling that he had had enough, maybe he just wanted that room to be back to a backpacker room, for backpackers not for people that don't know when they're leaving that turn it into their new home.
Room 20 was beautiful.
So anyway, it was all pretty shocking, so then me and Christine went down to try and get a reason why were were being kicked out out of Mike.
So first off, we go down to reception. And as much as we didn't even want to see Mike and avoid it all, we had to. And it was a nightmare.
First off, actually I don't know what we first said it was probably just something like 'We want to know what is going on'
So it pretty much consisted of this, Me and Christine: talk to us talk to us talk to us Mike. Mike: Ignoring the hell out of us and turning his music up so he can't hear us. It was horrible. It's exactly how you could imagine.
We were there for about 20mins just trying and trying to get him to talk to us, and here we are just trying and trying and persuading hiim to tell us why, and all he has to say is 'Get out, just leave you have to leave now, you have 20minutes before checkout time'
I said we have a right to know why we should leave, and he said we have no rights at all because he's a private business or some shit.
It was really hard, we were using all our energy, trying to get him to talk and all he could say were things like, your leaving today, go and pack your bags. It was so freaking weird, we just couldn't understand what the fuck his problem was. We ended up thinking it was just him being a depressed fucker and taking it out on us.
The question is, if he's all anal about us being drunk last night, then I can easily say, who the fuck provided all the alcohol? What the fuck do you expect from young drunk people? How can you expect less even, from people who are fucking dancing on the couch?
Do you know how much alcohol they provided for the hostel?! Like, tons! WHAT DOES HE EXPECT!?!??!?!????????????
So we just gave up on this twat, and I walked away and was like Christine let's just go, let's just get the fuck out of here it's not gonna work.
So we went up and started what looked like the impossible.. PACKING. Honestly, we don't live out of our 'backpacks'. We MOVED IN to room 20, seriously. It was like quarter to eleven when we started, and we finished at about 4pm.
About half an hour into packing, we hadn't eaten, and our minds had pretty much had a thrashing and we were feeling pretty upset so we thought if we had a good breakfast we'd feel a bit better and more fit for what we knew was gonna be a long day.
So we went down and had a big breakfast. Eggs, oranges, milk, blah. I cooked Chicken and broccoli too for my dinner for that day, so I must've used about 3 pans in that time.
I washed my dishes before I ate, and while I was eating outside with Christine, I keft my chicken cooking.
When I finished breakfast, I put my chicken into a container for later and took it upstairs with me for the rest of our packing.
Forward about 3-4 hours, we were ready to leave. There was no time for anyone to even know we were leaving, it was just so weird today.
So we went down, gave back our keys, got our refunds for our stay, and I got my wages for the work I did housekeeping for the week.
The pan I used to cook my chicken in was sitting in front of Mike, dirty still. I had forgotten to wash it. I actually did, I must've just put all my food in a container from it, stuck it in the sink straight away, got all my food together in the kitchen and just left and went up to pack forgetting to wash my pan.
I must sound like doing your dishes is fucking strict at Chilli Blue, it's a rule to do it, but sooo many dishes accumulate every day for Sally to do the next day so it's nothing new.
He stuck it in front of me and said 'You can keep this, take it with you' I was like I don't need it'
He went on to tell me he short paid me $45 of my money for the pan, the lid, and even the fucking spoon, just because I did'nt wash it.
I explained that it was a complete crock of shit and that I could simply just go and wash it again so I could have back my $45, but still. He didn't even hesitate to negotiate. He did the 'turn the music up ignore you I can't hear you' game'
I was in tears and so furious with how he was treating me. I hate being ignored.
I went up to clean the fucking pan, brought it back down and gave it to him exactly how I got it out of the cupboard, and demanded back my money, in tears still, with Christine beside me trying to get him to come around. But still, 'the treatment'
We left.
We found another place just around the corner called the palms.
2 of our good friends who we shared room 20 and weed with for about a month are staying here, Arthur and Sabrina. So it's ok.
This day feels so blurry kinda. The fact we're not in Chilli Blue I think will sink in later.
A group of us went out for coffee tonight, me and Christine being the only ones not from Chilli, and Margo was telling us that people are shocked about what's happened, and that people miss us.
My little bear Stefan, told Margo he misses me alot already, and I felt so sad, I gave a note from me to Margo to give to him with my email and stuff. He's gonna show me the opshops in Newtown I can't wait.
It's just weird. But it's exactly how it goes. Nothing ever goes to plan, unexpected thing are expected, and we left when we didn't even know it.
Apart of me is in that backpackers, stuff happened there that I'll remember for life, and things happened that are gonna gear me for the world.
I appreciated it so much, and I'll never forget it.
Far out..
June 13th 2008
tonight I'm going out with christine to madam de biers for INDIE NITE ohhh woww how mainstream am i.
schnecke daniel my first love went back to germany today. i cried and cried on the way to work. hes back in november.,
ummm
i listened to led zeppelin today for the first time in ages
ummm
i am wearing a dress red tights a red belt and plaid
ummm
i smoked 2 ciggarettes
ummm
i made pasta and got GIVEN CHICKEN
ummm
im listening to the casualties for the first time in ages. i love the casualties.
ummm
i miss BFM
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i love life. buhbye
schnecke daniel my first love went back to germany today. i cried and cried on the way to work. hes back in november.,
ummm
i listened to led zeppelin today for the first time in ages
ummm
i am wearing a dress red tights a red belt and plaid
ummm
i smoked 2 ciggarettes
ummm
i made pasta and got GIVEN CHICKEN
ummm
im listening to the casualties for the first time in ages. i love the casualties.
ummm
i miss BFM
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i love life. buhbye
June 11th 2008
is this even a travel diary? no.
i have no idea why i even called it that. i dont call owing people money and being a housekeeper to bay it back in sydney travelling. i call it one big mistake i want to fucking go home what a shit waste of time im only 18 i dont even know anything.
travel diary. when pigs fly
i have no idea why i even called it that. i dont call owing people money and being a housekeeper to bay it back in sydney travelling. i call it one big mistake i want to fucking go home what a shit waste of time im only 18 i dont even know anything.
travel diary. when pigs fly
May 28th 2008
If you hate your outfit, compliment someone elses.
You know when you kinda squeeze your nose, and you can feel a huge chunk of snot and your like yay I can pick it out well I keep getting that feeling but theres like no snot there and I'm like aargh I really wanna pick it out. Maybe its like an abrasion of somesort because I keep sticking my fucking finger in there.
I had a really special Deep and Meeeaningful talk ova some Tennessee whiskey last night. It involved tears, and ended in laughter. A while ago, when things were fine, and I was being me, and I was being the person that Christine and Andrea first met and loved, I would often ask Christine if it was ok to buy fatty food while I was with her, considering she's a spectacularly healthy eater, I would always feel like AH when was craving some chicken or chips or coke or something when I was with her. It was quite funny.
Then I went all insane and was stoned and drunk for like 2 weeks straight. It took a toll on me. It wasnt very 'funny' towards the end, and when I was working during the day, I felt so fucking spaced out and dizzy and I felt like everything was 2 minutes behind in my world. I wasnt communicating with my friends properly at all. I would be working away cleaing then I'd have to lock myself in the toilet and cry for 5 minutes for what I dont even know. I would just cry then finish then work again. Bear in mind, I ate whatever the fuck I wanted whether it was fatty or not. didnt even think of christines opinion.
I didnt feel like me at all. I was there somewhere but it was like I was having this forbidden break from my self.
Yesterday Christine was eating her normal breakfast (Avocado halves, a carrot, a tomato, cheese on weet-bix, a boiled egg) and I was working and I just went out and tried to say something, but all I said was 'I think I'm just gonna go home' That was my giving up side coming out, & I fucking well know I dont wanna go back to NZ right now! It was just a way of being like, yes we are awkward right now..
So blah blah blah, things were weird, it felt like, all the fun was over and we had snapped back to reality and it was like aah ok what are we doing now..
So over and out. We hadnt been talking, things were fucking strange, we never saw each other. So we planned a talk. It felt like we needed to scream. So we went to the holiday inn last night, bought drinks. No this guy actually did woo $7 saving. Then it just all came out.
It prety much consisted of, them completely seeing me, it wasnt like a talk where they were like, hi yeah have some sympathy. ok. it was more like, lets actually talk about how we feel. i had my hands over my face in the beginning for ages, then andrea sat closer to me, i burst into tears, and it was like the truth. They told me stuff like i dont need to be insane to everybody they see me already, i dont know. it was just like, meant to be. it pretty much ended with us just looking at each oter smiling, feeling right again.
then i asked christine when we were about to leave 'is it ok if i buy some chicken?'
we couldnt sop laughing, i felt like me again.
You know when you kinda squeeze your nose, and you can feel a huge chunk of snot and your like yay I can pick it out well I keep getting that feeling but theres like no snot there and I'm like aargh I really wanna pick it out. Maybe its like an abrasion of somesort because I keep sticking my fucking finger in there.
I had a really special Deep and Meeeaningful talk ova some Tennessee whiskey last night. It involved tears, and ended in laughter. A while ago, when things were fine, and I was being me, and I was being the person that Christine and Andrea first met and loved, I would often ask Christine if it was ok to buy fatty food while I was with her, considering she's a spectacularly healthy eater, I would always feel like AH when was craving some chicken or chips or coke or something when I was with her. It was quite funny.
Then I went all insane and was stoned and drunk for like 2 weeks straight. It took a toll on me. It wasnt very 'funny' towards the end, and when I was working during the day, I felt so fucking spaced out and dizzy and I felt like everything was 2 minutes behind in my world. I wasnt communicating with my friends properly at all. I would be working away cleaing then I'd have to lock myself in the toilet and cry for 5 minutes for what I dont even know. I would just cry then finish then work again. Bear in mind, I ate whatever the fuck I wanted whether it was fatty or not. didnt even think of christines opinion.
I didnt feel like me at all. I was there somewhere but it was like I was having this forbidden break from my self.
Yesterday Christine was eating her normal breakfast (Avocado halves, a carrot, a tomato, cheese on weet-bix, a boiled egg) and I was working and I just went out and tried to say something, but all I said was 'I think I'm just gonna go home' That was my giving up side coming out, & I fucking well know I dont wanna go back to NZ right now! It was just a way of being like, yes we are awkward right now..
So blah blah blah, things were weird, it felt like, all the fun was over and we had snapped back to reality and it was like aah ok what are we doing now..
So over and out. We hadnt been talking, things were fucking strange, we never saw each other. So we planned a talk. It felt like we needed to scream. So we went to the holiday inn last night, bought drinks. No this guy actually did woo $7 saving. Then it just all came out.
It prety much consisted of, them completely seeing me, it wasnt like a talk where they were like, hi yeah have some sympathy. ok. it was more like, lets actually talk about how we feel. i had my hands over my face in the beginning for ages, then andrea sat closer to me, i burst into tears, and it was like the truth. They told me stuff like i dont need to be insane to everybody they see me already, i dont know. it was just like, meant to be. it pretty much ended with us just looking at each oter smiling, feeling right again.
then i asked christine when we were about to leave 'is it ok if i buy some chicken?'
we couldnt sop laughing, i felt like me again.
May 27th 2008
I feel so real right now. Like everything matters. These past couple of months of being here has been all fun and whatever, no, yeah its been fun, ive seen shit done shit made friends, its been great, but now things are happeneing that are making me think. neil is leaving here on thursday to start his new job as a doctor and move into his flat with his good friend from england, which is great for him, and andrea and christine are kind of getting a bit agitated with being here almost three months now and kiiiiinda wanna move on at some stage, with me of course, but the thing is, you can 'plan' stuff but really when it comes down to it theres so much to sort out.
like, the fact that we wanna travel together right, they didnt know they would meet someone [me] that they would suddenly add into there little circle of plans, i mean its so cool and everything, but they have the power to just leave and i feel like im slightly holding them back.. i cant leave as easy as them, im cleaning for money (which is fun) so i dont exactly have the sources to leave or let alone travel...
idk
me and andrea and christine actually have a planned talk tonight. im looking forward to it only because i love them
like, the fact that we wanna travel together right, they didnt know they would meet someone [me] that they would suddenly add into there little circle of plans, i mean its so cool and everything, but they have the power to just leave and i feel like im slightly holding them back.. i cant leave as easy as them, im cleaning for money (which is fun) so i dont exactly have the sources to leave or let alone travel...
idk
me and andrea and christine actually have a planned talk tonight. im looking forward to it only because i love them
Sunday, November 30, 2008
May 26th 2008
Last night, no the night before, i was sitting with Neil at reception when this english guy walks in and wants to check into his booked room. We click instantly and within 5 minutes I'm smelling his shoulder because I love the smell of leather, and within 40, were on my balcony smoking weed .. we were talking and talking, it was fun, we talked about heaps of stuff. Laughed, got higher, and one thing he was telling me about was his drug life back home.
Now don't get me wrong, drugs are somewhat personal at the same time as being completely not, but I KNOW when someone is exaggerating. First it was cool, you know, ok, tell me, yeah ok, but then (this was before we lit up) he waws telling me about how he's a bit scared to walk round here because the police dogs might sniff out the cocaine traces on his phone. I was like 'oh' then when we started smoking, he was coughing his lungs out.
Then he went on to tell me about his drug life even more.. incl: $40 per day on weed for himself, doing 'every drug under the sun' yes yes, i asked about heroin, but he says hes only smoked it. Again, don't get me wrong, England is obviously more drug orientated then almost anywhere else, but then tonight he says to Barney..
'How can you smoke Drum?! That stuffs so disgusting!'
tsk tsk tsk.
Now don't get me wrong, drugs are somewhat personal at the same time as being completely not, but I KNOW when someone is exaggerating. First it was cool, you know, ok, tell me, yeah ok, but then (this was before we lit up) he waws telling me about how he's a bit scared to walk round here because the police dogs might sniff out the cocaine traces on his phone. I was like 'oh' then when we started smoking, he was coughing his lungs out.
Then he went on to tell me about his drug life even more.. incl: $40 per day on weed for himself, doing 'every drug under the sun' yes yes, i asked about heroin, but he says hes only smoked it. Again, don't get me wrong, England is obviously more drug orientated then almost anywhere else, but then tonight he says to Barney..
'How can you smoke Drum?! That stuffs so disgusting!'
tsk tsk tsk.
May 21st 2008
Australia is Beautiful. I could just stand & look at this and be like. Far out life is so worth it.
I think I did do that. Then I took a photo.
I think I did do that. Then I took a photo.
May 14th 2008
Tday I went for drives ith daniel in my first vehicle in Sydney that wasn't a train a bus or a taxi. There is a big difference. It was fun. 4 guys left here today, and I love them. I will miss them. They were cool. They are having an unplanned road trip up to Cairns, usually where people go after here. I came home and I thought of them and I was like, if I could do that right now. I would. A part of me really wants to get the fuck out of here but Ive gotta face the fact I came here with nothing, unprepared. A part of me loves that, apart of me is like, 'I wish I had a backup savings account or whatever like everyone else so I could spend it all on travel' but I've gotta start from scratch and it kindof scares me a bit if I'm wanting to go to England. How fucking long is it gonna take to save pounds up?!!? i dunnoooooo i just wanna do something
May 4th 2008
Today I got pissed on goon, met this German guy outside, got talking about how every cool car brand is from Germany and how I didn't know, then he wouldn't stop talking about my 'blonde friend Andrea' and I was like, what a fucken lame-o, then we went out, it was lame as hell, so I came home alone, saw the German guy I spoke to earlier, he asked where Andrea was, I didn't know, then he walked out calling me fat, then I came on this computer feeling completely empty.
I wanna go home. And spemd time with my cat. The most un-judgemental being I know, only when it comes to food.
I wanna go home. And spemd time with my cat. The most un-judgemental being I know, only when it comes to food.
May 3rd 2008
Last night I went to the Foo Fighters with Andrea fish face. It was fucking good. I am so glad I got to see them. Although nobody was getting into it, aussie crowds are boringer then homes :(
Today, I didn't go to work.
1. Because I was too tired and didn't even want to think of peeling myself out of bed just to knock on doors and be the Jehovas Witness of TV.
2. Because some indian knob that we work with is a dodgy fuck, who asks me if I'm a good kisser, and says to me, look into my eyes, why don't you have a boyfriend, and tells me I smell nice all the time and on Thursday night started KISSING MY NECK whilst saying I'm dying, oh my god, do you think I'd want to go back?
What the helllll. I'm so getting him fired. Today I will enjoy my weekend, not be anywhere on time, and think big, and go to the supermarket with Andrea. She owes me chocolate.
Today, I didn't go to work.
1. Because I was too tired and didn't even want to think of peeling myself out of bed just to knock on doors and be the Jehovas Witness of TV.
2. Because some indian knob that we work with is a dodgy fuck, who asks me if I'm a good kisser, and says to me, look into my eyes, why don't you have a boyfriend, and tells me I smell nice all the time and on Thursday night started KISSING MY NECK whilst saying I'm dying, oh my god, do you think I'd want to go back?
What the helllll. I'm so getting him fired. Today I will enjoy my weekend, not be anywhere on time, and think big, and go to the supermarket with Andrea. She owes me chocolate.
April 24th 2008
This is relevant.
When you go away, relationships change with people back home - dramtically. Well for me anyway. I can't believe it went from crying my face off the last time I saw my best friend because we knew we wouldn't see each other in ages, to 'Should I get in touch with her?' It's so sompletely saddening for me, to wonder if she's just gonna screw up my letter, or reply. I can't believe I don't know. I can't beleive I've written two different letters, and haven't sent them because 'I haven't gotten round to it' (I am too embarrassed), I can't believe I'm gonna write a letter? Why aren't I ringing? Why? Because she might just hang up, and get my other 'best friend' (whom she lives with) and just go on about me.
This is so fucked up, my heart is crying all the time about it. I don't have best friends. I have been here for two months, and even though I've made amazing friends, I don't have the comfort and resting place in a best friend anymore. I know that if I call I'll just get a stale/closed ended 'conversation'. It's like, I feel so bad, like I feel like they will be thinking 'Fucking selfish tard, leaving here and purposely forgetting about us' but I feel like it's too late to even, get even for that. Because I don't feel that way. But I am way past the now or never stage.
I'm so in between. It's like, I've made these new friends. And my best friends are.. gone. I don't even feel like I have a place in getting back together with them. I hate carrying around this heavy guilt, for nothing, something I haven't done, something that I think someone else is thinking. I hate this.
When you go away, relationships change with people back home - dramtically. Well for me anyway. I can't believe it went from crying my face off the last time I saw my best friend because we knew we wouldn't see each other in ages, to 'Should I get in touch with her?' It's so sompletely saddening for me, to wonder if she's just gonna screw up my letter, or reply. I can't believe I don't know. I can't beleive I've written two different letters, and haven't sent them because 'I haven't gotten round to it' (I am too embarrassed), I can't believe I'm gonna write a letter? Why aren't I ringing? Why? Because she might just hang up, and get my other 'best friend' (whom she lives with) and just go on about me.
This is so fucked up, my heart is crying all the time about it. I don't have best friends. I have been here for two months, and even though I've made amazing friends, I don't have the comfort and resting place in a best friend anymore. I know that if I call I'll just get a stale/closed ended 'conversation'. It's like, I feel so bad, like I feel like they will be thinking 'Fucking selfish tard, leaving here and purposely forgetting about us' but I feel like it's too late to even, get even for that. Because I don't feel that way. But I am way past the now or never stage.
I'm so in between. It's like, I've made these new friends. And my best friends are.. gone. I don't even feel like I have a place in getting back together with them. I hate carrying around this heavy guilt, for nothing, something I haven't done, something that I think someone else is thinking. I hate this.
April 22nd 2008
Me and Christine have started work training for Foxtel door to door sales. As of yesterday. Foxtel is NZ's answer to Sky tv.. It's rad! We get $500 just for 5 days of training which is cool. They pay is good, even though it's only commision based pay, I guess it'll make me set goals, and make me try hard. Which is a skill I could do with mastering, more. I've had a few moments when I'm sitting in the room we're trained in, and I think 'How did I end up sitting here, just when I came over to see Tiger Army?!' Life is so cool like that! I'm so happy I'm making an effort, and doing something new, and getting up early wanting to faint in the morning, then eating a colossal breakfast, then catching two trains to work then learning stuff to get me some experience then saying to Christine 'Yay, it's our day off on friday! 3 day weekend, we can go to loaded on Thursday! Free beer! Woooo!'
And it's only our second day. Haaaaaaaaaaa...Mmmmmmm!
And it's only our second day. Haaaaaaaaaaa...Mmmmmmm!
April 21st 2008
Today I went to Bondi for the first time since 1995. I went alone, at around 7-8pm. I'm so glad my weekly train ticket worked on the buses because the trains aren't going til tomorrow and that saved me like, a billion dollars (yes, don't go thinking everything's cheap here, buses still fuck you over like they do in NZ in Sydney.. except they go through orange lights so I actually like them better) first stop.. Bondi Beach!! I'm a sucker for beaches at night. I love cold sand and no people and black waves and moonlight. It's so beautiful. I took some photos, the waves were pretty wild. One splashed right up my knees and wet my dress! Haha, I love the beach. I was so glad to be at one, I hadn't been to one in ages. Since home, so it was fab.
It was good to have a bit of time alone as well. I left my shoes under this bench that this couple were having mad pashes on, it was a bit awkward grabbing my shoes after but fine. Then I went to see Die! Die! Die! at the beach rd hotel. There were quite a few people, it was another fantastic show. Andrew grabbed me while they played 'throw a fit' and let me sing a bit with him into the mic! Made my day. I felt a bit sad this weekend but, because seeing them every night for 3 days kept reminding me of home, of when I would stay home alone everyday and listen to them in the kitchen. All day long in Titirangi. It was good though, in a way seeing them made me feel slightly stronger. It kind of does that seeing someone from home, away from home.
Andrew said to me on the first night, 'Don't forget who you are Ruby, don't let Sydney change you, keep your mana! Kia Kaha!' - Done and doing... : )
It was good to have a bit of time alone as well. I left my shoes under this bench that this couple were having mad pashes on, it was a bit awkward grabbing my shoes after but fine. Then I went to see Die! Die! Die! at the beach rd hotel. There were quite a few people, it was another fantastic show. Andrew grabbed me while they played 'throw a fit' and let me sing a bit with him into the mic! Made my day. I felt a bit sad this weekend but, because seeing them every night for 3 days kept reminding me of home, of when I would stay home alone everyday and listen to them in the kitchen. All day long in Titirangi. It was good though, in a way seeing them made me feel slightly stronger. It kind of does that seeing someone from home, away from home.
Andrew said to me on the first night, 'Don't forget who you are Ruby, don't let Sydney change you, keep your mana! Kia Kaha!' - Done and doing... : )
April 20th 2008
Tonight, well, before, I went to Oxford Arts Factory for the first time. It's 2.09am, so I went yesterday.. I went to see DDD again. It was spectacular. The venue was fabulous, your surrounded by beautiful artwork! All these stairs, all these colours, Sydney just gets better and better.
April 19th 2008
Tonight, well, before, I went to Manly for the first time. It's 4.45am, so I went yesterday.. I went with Andrea, we went on the ferry, to see Die! Die! Die! at Fisho's! It was fabulous. Interesting, I loved going to the harbour at night, it's so beautiful. I hadn't been to the harbour at night since new year's 1996 when I was 5 with my mum. I remember that, I remember being scared of the firworks on the bridge.. But yeah. The ferry was cool. Reminded me of when I lived on Waiheke Island. It was rocky. Fun. The venue was so weird.. it was like, tacky westie Outrageous Fortune type thing. The kinda place where oldies would go for a beer with their 10 minute ciggarette/perfume smelling girlfriends. It was cool but, this fabulous band The Ripping Dylans opened. They were fab! Me and Andrea r in love. It was good to see the DDD boys, they look very raw looking from all their touring, Andrew was telling me about how they have only had four days off since I saw them last.. DDD doing what they do best.
It was a good night anyway. I felt somewhat at home. Seeing my favourite band, hanging out with them, introducing Andrea, and talking about how not to forget who you are when your away from home. Kia Kaha!
It was a good night anyway. I felt somewhat at home. Seeing my favourite band, hanging out with them, introducing Andrea, and talking about how not to forget who you are when your away from home. Kia Kaha!
April 16th 2008 SYDNEY
I came to Sydney on the 8th of March 08. So far, I have memorized streets in my area, and slightly by name too. Bonus. I have done different things than I would normally do back at home. I only ever smoked weed like 3 times in my life back at home over a course of about 5 months. Since I came here, I have done it 3 nights in a row at times. I haven't bought any, or asked for any, I only ever smoke it if I'm around it, when people 'pass' it to me. I only ever drank the odd Guiness at the RSA at home too, or I'd had a bit of red wine in a mug with my Aunty Buffy. But since I've been here I've been horribly drunk about twice, and I drink about 2-3 times per week. This is very different for me. But I'm not striving to change, I still am who I am. I still wear my day clothes at night, and my night clothes in the day. I still be myself, I still get the same comments from people than I ever did. Which for me is a plus++++!
Staying longterm at a backpackers is better than I could ask for too. I need people around me, and this is like the best way to go about it. Even though I am slightly owing money for my stay, I'm in the manager's good books.. He know's I'm not gonna do a runner like other people have, and he's even offered me some work here too. Which is perfecto. The only sad part about it is when you meet the raddest people, but they only stay a week. Then you add them on facebook.. it's like this cycle. But it's cool. Because At least I have people to visit when I do my big travels one day. And another cool thing is the people that you connect with the most, are staying long term too. It's like this massive flat. And you know everyone, and everyones just relaxed, and non-judgemental, except for like 2, but they leave, and it's all good.
I am completely amazed at how this Sydney escapade worked out. It went from spending $700 for 12 nights on my own room and not knowing anyone here, to spending, or lately 'owing' $20 a night for a sweet dorm room with rad people and free weed and cooking with a new best friend every night. I love.
Staying longterm at a backpackers is better than I could ask for too. I need people around me, and this is like the best way to go about it. Even though I am slightly owing money for my stay, I'm in the manager's good books.. He know's I'm not gonna do a runner like other people have, and he's even offered me some work here too. Which is perfecto. The only sad part about it is when you meet the raddest people, but they only stay a week. Then you add them on facebook.. it's like this cycle. But it's cool. Because At least I have people to visit when I do my big travels one day. And another cool thing is the people that you connect with the most, are staying long term too. It's like this massive flat. And you know everyone, and everyones just relaxed, and non-judgemental, except for like 2, but they leave, and it's all good.
I am completely amazed at how this Sydney escapade worked out. It went from spending $700 for 12 nights on my own room and not knowing anyone here, to spending, or lately 'owing' $20 a night for a sweet dorm room with rad people and free weed and cooking with a new best friend every night. I love.
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