I feel like I would just give anything at all to be thin... It overtakes my whole mind. I feel like I'm missing out on so much just by being overweight. I think about it everyday, but I cant give up my yuck eating habits.
I sometimes wonder why I'm not addicted to cigarettes like everyone else, I smoke only a little. But I think my addiction lies in food. Its horrible. I hate this fucked up relationship I have with food. I can eat so much. I hate the way I eat. I wish food didn;t even faze me. I wish I could walk right past it.
I just want to be thin and healthy. I want to be skinny so bad. I want to wear jeans and a t shirt. Not Other things because I have to. I feel like if I was thin I would be more happy, I would be more confident, I would be liked. I'm so embarrassed about being fat. I have been fat for so many years. And I cant do anything about it. Ive tried but I feel like I cant breathe, like this overwhelming feeling of this is so hard how will I ever be able to do this ever. I feel liek i'll always eat like a maniac. I just cant do it. I cant be skinny. It seems so fucking impossible, I think about it and my mind becomes blank.. Food and meals consu,e my mind.....what am I gonna eat, I need to buy a drink to go with that. Oh my god I want to kill myself.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Aucklands so shit
And I couldnt care less about what anyone says. Theres all those people that complain about people that put auckland down, well, I'm gonna complain about those people.
I get that theres people here living it up and loving it, but in most cases its people that are fairly new to here or arent from here. I dunno, like I get that theres stuff going on that could make it a better experience. But its hard when you've grown up here your entire life and certain places can remind you of certain [bad] times.
I'm just sick of the same streets, the same fuckin circle of weirdos my family has associated with forever. And I really dont want to become apart of it just like that. I feel like I've had my time here and there's not much excitement left for me, I find it really hard to be inspired. Its my dang hometown and its like this massive place thats lame and theres not much going on.
I get these like gut feelings and craves for these new places. Sometimes I get these visions or pictures in my head of this place I want to go to. Or like a feeling I want to feel. And it's like butterflies then it goes away.
Its so weird, I've been wanting to leave here for so long. Why Aren't I? I blame it on being stoned more often than not and just like forgetting what I was doing or something. Regarding planning to gtfo of here.
Its just weird like I'll be all living and content with everything then all of a sudden I'll just jave this freak out like wtf am I doing here, what am I doing with myself. Whats the actual reason I'm in this situation. I miss my fucking friends. I've been telling myself for ages I don't have many friends. But I do, their just not 'around' me.
Dunnoooooooooo just want to move on from this gluey sticky Auckland Thing
I get that theres people here living it up and loving it, but in most cases its people that are fairly new to here or arent from here. I dunno, like I get that theres stuff going on that could make it a better experience. But its hard when you've grown up here your entire life and certain places can remind you of certain [bad] times.
I'm just sick of the same streets, the same fuckin circle of weirdos my family has associated with forever. And I really dont want to become apart of it just like that. I feel like I've had my time here and there's not much excitement left for me, I find it really hard to be inspired. Its my dang hometown and its like this massive place thats lame and theres not much going on.
I get these like gut feelings and craves for these new places. Sometimes I get these visions or pictures in my head of this place I want to go to. Or like a feeling I want to feel. And it's like butterflies then it goes away.
Its so weird, I've been wanting to leave here for so long. Why Aren't I? I blame it on being stoned more often than not and just like forgetting what I was doing or something. Regarding planning to gtfo of here.
Its just weird like I'll be all living and content with everything then all of a sudden I'll just jave this freak out like wtf am I doing here, what am I doing with myself. Whats the actual reason I'm in this situation. I miss my fucking friends. I've been telling myself for ages I don't have many friends. But I do, their just not 'around' me.
Dunnoooooooooo just want to move on from this gluey sticky Auckland Thing
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Toothpaste
If you want to find real information, you have to go and find it.
So never believe advertising. Ever. Even if you see a band poster and it says their playing somewhere, it means their not. Well not really but to an extent.
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is, I fucking can't stand anything to do with Colgate. They are assholes. They know nothing about cleaning mouths. They also know nothing about toothbrushes. They all probaby have stink breath, and keep trying to find ways to make their stink breath go away. And it just won't. That's why they invent a new tootbrush and toothpaste every 2 days.
The point of my post, is to interest people in a better way to clean their mouth. This will make colgate toothpaste seem like your just covering up your teeth grime with a mint flavoured lolly paste.
This is the sequence of events when I clean my mouth, that is, clean my MOUTH not brush my teeth..
First, I brush my teeth using: http://www.healthpost.co.nz/Personal_Care/Natural_Toothpaste/WLTR/Ratanhia-Toothpaste.html
Its cousin, the salt one: http://www.healthpost.co.nz/Personal_Care/Natural_Toothpaste/WLTS/Salt-Toothpaste.html
is actually way better than the first one, and salt is exceptionally good for your gums.
So I brush my teeth using that, with a regular bristle toothbrush with the HARD texture. (Not those fuckin soft colgate ones with those rubber bits on it that supposedly surround your teeth with an orb of energy that magically lift out the dirt)
Sometimes I sprinlke table salt on my toothbrush over the paste, for extra clean feel and gum health.
After I brush my teeth, I scrape my tongue using a spoon (I keep the same spoon..) but you can buy actual tongue scrapers from a health shop. They look like this: http://www.google.co.nz/imgres?q=tongue+scraper&hl=en&biw=1024&bih=539&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=-Sxhd6CFbgFX3M:&imgrefurl=http://www.atoncer.com/health/ayurveda.htm&docid=1guJpF7AJK8kwM&w=144&h=148&ei=YIlDTvfIHKHhiAKYwuXkAg&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=109&page=4&tbnh=105&tbnw=102&start=47&ndsp=19&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:47&tx=59&ty=72
THEN (I love this part)
I gargle with Ratanhia mouthwash:
http://www.google.co.nz/imgres?q=ratanhia+mouthwash&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&rls=com.microsoft:en-nz:IE-SearchBox&rlz=1I7ADSA_en&biw=1024&bih=539&tbm=isch&tbnid=01nzq1dWgNL2dM:&imgrefurl=http://themouthwashmall.blogspot.com/2011/04/ratanhia-mouthwash-concentrate-17-oz.html&docid=jzBAajskmihvVM&w=440&h=500&ei=LotDTpqwDOTniAKKzO26Ag&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=422&page=1&tbnh=123&tbnw=108&start=0&ndsp=19&ved=1t:429,r:9,s:0&tx=89&ty=39
It's concentrated so you just put a few drops in your mouth then water. Its so strong you can use it for ulcers.
Then. What you do is. Walk out of the bathroom with the sparkliest mouth ever,
UP YOURS COLGATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
x
So never believe advertising. Ever. Even if you see a band poster and it says their playing somewhere, it means their not. Well not really but to an extent.
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is, I fucking can't stand anything to do with Colgate. They are assholes. They know nothing about cleaning mouths. They also know nothing about toothbrushes. They all probaby have stink breath, and keep trying to find ways to make their stink breath go away. And it just won't. That's why they invent a new tootbrush and toothpaste every 2 days.
The point of my post, is to interest people in a better way to clean their mouth. This will make colgate toothpaste seem like your just covering up your teeth grime with a mint flavoured lolly paste.
This is the sequence of events when I clean my mouth, that is, clean my MOUTH not brush my teeth..
First, I brush my teeth using: http://www.healthpost.co.nz/Personal_Care/Natural_Toothpaste/WLTR/Ratanhia-Toothpaste.html
Its cousin, the salt one: http://www.healthpost.co.nz/Personal_Care/Natural_Toothpaste/WLTS/Salt-Toothpaste.html
is actually way better than the first one, and salt is exceptionally good for your gums.
So I brush my teeth using that, with a regular bristle toothbrush with the HARD texture. (Not those fuckin soft colgate ones with those rubber bits on it that supposedly surround your teeth with an orb of energy that magically lift out the dirt)
Sometimes I sprinlke table salt on my toothbrush over the paste, for extra clean feel and gum health.
After I brush my teeth, I scrape my tongue using a spoon (I keep the same spoon..) but you can buy actual tongue scrapers from a health shop. They look like this: http://www.google.co.nz/imgres?q=tongue+scraper&hl=en&biw=1024&bih=539&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=-Sxhd6CFbgFX3M:&imgrefurl=http://www.atoncer.com/health/ayurveda.htm&docid=1guJpF7AJK8kwM&w=144&h=148&ei=YIlDTvfIHKHhiAKYwuXkAg&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=109&page=4&tbnh=105&tbnw=102&start=47&ndsp=19&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:47&tx=59&ty=72
THEN (I love this part)
I gargle with Ratanhia mouthwash:
http://www.google.co.nz/imgres?q=ratanhia+mouthwash&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&rls=com.microsoft:en-nz:IE-SearchBox&rlz=1I7ADSA_en&biw=1024&bih=539&tbm=isch&tbnid=01nzq1dWgNL2dM:&imgrefurl=http://themouthwashmall.blogspot.com/2011/04/ratanhia-mouthwash-concentrate-17-oz.html&docid=jzBAajskmihvVM&w=440&h=500&ei=LotDTpqwDOTniAKKzO26Ag&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=422&page=1&tbnh=123&tbnw=108&start=0&ndsp=19&ved=1t:429,r:9,s:0&tx=89&ty=39
It's concentrated so you just put a few drops in your mouth then water. Its so strong you can use it for ulcers.
Then. What you do is. Walk out of the bathroom with the sparkliest mouth ever,
UP YOURS COLGATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
x
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
what are people thinking when they say to others 'you should be a writer' or 'you should be a photographer' its like, the reasons behind them saying that, aren't they already 'photographers' or writers'? whats the difference to writing it in application forms where it says 'occupation' cant you still be doing the thing you do well at, at heart?
it pisses me off, its like, why do you need to put yourself into the system as this labelled 'thing' what fucken difference does it make? you get MONEY that's it. that bullshit controlling motherfucker called money. how much money does one actually need?
no-one needs money to keep their art going. that's the last thing its about. and all these fuckers that just wanna make money all the time can go get fucked. i don't care who it is. or what is said to justify it. MONEY FUCKS YOU UP. i hate it when people freak out about it when they don't even need to. it just decreases your respect for them.
sure, you need a certain amount to get by, but i only blame that on the world i was born into, i never said anything about agreeing with it. fuck banks. fuck loans fuck plastic sheaths of bullshit that you carry around and pick up germs off and give to someone else to buy another unnecessary piece of shit. why is this stupid world so drawn to this lifeless thing? why do we spend 13 years of our life in a box (school) and come out not even needing over half of it? why do we commit to all these lame excuses the government out out to make them feel better about themselves? who the fuck said we were all the same? and who the FUCK thought we'd be blind to it?
i heart reality.
it pisses me off, its like, why do you need to put yourself into the system as this labelled 'thing' what fucken difference does it make? you get MONEY that's it. that bullshit controlling motherfucker called money. how much money does one actually need?
no-one needs money to keep their art going. that's the last thing its about. and all these fuckers that just wanna make money all the time can go get fucked. i don't care who it is. or what is said to justify it. MONEY FUCKS YOU UP. i hate it when people freak out about it when they don't even need to. it just decreases your respect for them.
sure, you need a certain amount to get by, but i only blame that on the world i was born into, i never said anything about agreeing with it. fuck banks. fuck loans fuck plastic sheaths of bullshit that you carry around and pick up germs off and give to someone else to buy another unnecessary piece of shit. why is this stupid world so drawn to this lifeless thing? why do we spend 13 years of our life in a box (school) and come out not even needing over half of it? why do we commit to all these lame excuses the government out out to make them feel better about themselves? who the fuck said we were all the same? and who the FUCK thought we'd be blind to it?
i heart reality.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Raw Transition.
I wanna write, but I'm trying to figure it all out first to put into words.
It's funny how I started this blog thing off as my 'travel diary'. It's basically turned itself into something I write in whenever I feel the need.
I love/ed this house. I moved in here feeling slighty shy about the whole thing but there was a burning excitement and knowldge that I'd end up loving this place with all my heart. And I really did. I really do still, but the reasons why are slowly being torn away from me by people I hardly even know.
This house has been going and doing it's thing since 1999, by two awesome creative people that lived in this house themselves for 6 years, then they moved out into their own house because they had two kids just up the road, and set up a new system for this house, to keep it running, which was a pretty alright system seeing as it worked for 4 years.
But then the owners obviously as everyone does, kinda grew up and focussed on their kids and work lives etc, and things just changed for them and the music kinda stopped, so they decided to get more advanced managers to handle the house rather than someone living there.
I knew, on the night we all had a meeting together with the owners, and the new manager we were then introduced to, that things were gonna certainly take a turn.
I can't even explain it. It's more the fact that people that I've been living with feel the same way and it makes us all upset that were all upset by it. These new managers, which consist of 'Julia' who is German/Irish or whatever who thinks she's got it all under control
anyway all im trying to say is argyle is DEAD
It's funny how I started this blog thing off as my 'travel diary'. It's basically turned itself into something I write in whenever I feel the need.
I love/ed this house. I moved in here feeling slighty shy about the whole thing but there was a burning excitement and knowldge that I'd end up loving this place with all my heart. And I really did. I really do still, but the reasons why are slowly being torn away from me by people I hardly even know.
This house has been going and doing it's thing since 1999, by two awesome creative people that lived in this house themselves for 6 years, then they moved out into their own house because they had two kids just up the road, and set up a new system for this house, to keep it running, which was a pretty alright system seeing as it worked for 4 years.
But then the owners obviously as everyone does, kinda grew up and focussed on their kids and work lives etc, and things just changed for them and the music kinda stopped, so they decided to get more advanced managers to handle the house rather than someone living there.
I knew, on the night we all had a meeting together with the owners, and the new manager we were then introduced to, that things were gonna certainly take a turn.
I can't even explain it. It's more the fact that people that I've been living with feel the same way and it makes us all upset that were all upset by it. These new managers, which consist of 'Julia' who is German/Irish or whatever who thinks she's got it all under control
anyway all im trying to say is argyle is DEAD
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I wanna figure out where I get these notions about people not liking me. Sometimes I sit there and ponder about people and wonder what they think of me even though they're friends and nothing has even happened to make anyone think anything negative about me.
Sometimes I'm like 'I wish I was more like that' and it's annoying. I sometimes wish some people liked me more and wonder why they don't like me that much even though they probably do like me.
Why can't I take the first steps when I like a guy. I have this whole side of life cut right out of me and I feel like a clueless idiot when it comes to guys. If I like someone (which is hardly ever) I don't try to do anything about it I just try my best not to like them or I linger what I think might be flirting for ever until I look like an idiot.
I don't wanna waste my breath wanting to be like other people.
What am I even on about.
Sometimes I'm like 'I wish I was more like that' and it's annoying. I sometimes wish some people liked me more and wonder why they don't like me that much even though they probably do like me.
Why can't I take the first steps when I like a guy. I have this whole side of life cut right out of me and I feel like a clueless idiot when it comes to guys. If I like someone (which is hardly ever) I don't try to do anything about it I just try my best not to like them or I linger what I think might be flirting for ever until I look like an idiot.
I don't wanna waste my breath wanting to be like other people.
What am I even on about.
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