I feel like I would just give anything at all to be thin... It overtakes my whole mind. I feel like I'm missing out on so much just by being overweight. I think about it everyday, but I cant give up my yuck eating habits.
I sometimes wonder why I'm not addicted to cigarettes like everyone else, I smoke only a little. But I think my addiction lies in food. Its horrible. I hate this fucked up relationship I have with food. I can eat so much. I hate the way I eat. I wish food didn;t even faze me. I wish I could walk right past it.
I just want to be thin and healthy. I want to be skinny so bad. I want to wear jeans and a t shirt. Not Other things because I have to. I feel like if I was thin I would be more happy, I would be more confident, I would be liked. I'm so embarrassed about being fat. I have been fat for so many years. And I cant do anything about it. Ive tried but I feel like I cant breathe, like this overwhelming feeling of this is so hard how will I ever be able to do this ever. I feel liek i'll always eat like a maniac. I just cant do it. I cant be skinny. It seems so fucking impossible, I think about it and my mind becomes blank.. Food and meals consu,e my mind.....what am I gonna eat, I need to buy a drink to go with that. Oh my god I want to kill myself.