what are people thinking when they say to others 'you should be a writer' or 'you should be a photographer' its like, the reasons behind them saying that, aren't they already 'photographers' or writers'? whats the difference to writing it in application forms where it says 'occupation' cant you still be doing the thing you do well at, at heart?
it pisses me off, its like, why do you need to put yourself into the system as this labelled 'thing' what fucken difference does it make? you get MONEY that's it. that bullshit controlling motherfucker called money. how much money does one actually need?
no-one needs money to keep their art going. that's the last thing its about. and all these fuckers that just wanna make money all the time can go get fucked. i don't care who it is. or what is said to justify it. MONEY FUCKS YOU UP. i hate it when people freak out about it when they don't even need to. it just decreases your respect for them.
sure, you need a certain amount to get by, but i only blame that on the world i was born into, i never said anything about agreeing with it. fuck banks. fuck loans fuck plastic sheaths of bullshit that you carry around and pick up germs off and give to someone else to buy another unnecessary piece of shit. why is this stupid world so drawn to this lifeless thing? why do we spend 13 years of our life in a box (school) and come out not even needing over half of it? why do we commit to all these lame excuses the government out out to make them feel better about themselves? who the fuck said we were all the same? and who the FUCK thought we'd be blind to it?
i heart reality.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Raw Transition.
I wanna write, but I'm trying to figure it all out first to put into words.
It's funny how I started this blog thing off as my 'travel diary'. It's basically turned itself into something I write in whenever I feel the need.
I love/ed this house. I moved in here feeling slighty shy about the whole thing but there was a burning excitement and knowldge that I'd end up loving this place with all my heart. And I really did. I really do still, but the reasons why are slowly being torn away from me by people I hardly even know.
This house has been going and doing it's thing since 1999, by two awesome creative people that lived in this house themselves for 6 years, then they moved out into their own house because they had two kids just up the road, and set up a new system for this house, to keep it running, which was a pretty alright system seeing as it worked for 4 years.
But then the owners obviously as everyone does, kinda grew up and focussed on their kids and work lives etc, and things just changed for them and the music kinda stopped, so they decided to get more advanced managers to handle the house rather than someone living there.
I knew, on the night we all had a meeting together with the owners, and the new manager we were then introduced to, that things were gonna certainly take a turn.
I can't even explain it. It's more the fact that people that I've been living with feel the same way and it makes us all upset that were all upset by it. These new managers, which consist of 'Julia' who is German/Irish or whatever who thinks she's got it all under control
anyway all im trying to say is argyle is DEAD
It's funny how I started this blog thing off as my 'travel diary'. It's basically turned itself into something I write in whenever I feel the need.
I love/ed this house. I moved in here feeling slighty shy about the whole thing but there was a burning excitement and knowldge that I'd end up loving this place with all my heart. And I really did. I really do still, but the reasons why are slowly being torn away from me by people I hardly even know.
This house has been going and doing it's thing since 1999, by two awesome creative people that lived in this house themselves for 6 years, then they moved out into their own house because they had two kids just up the road, and set up a new system for this house, to keep it running, which was a pretty alright system seeing as it worked for 4 years.
But then the owners obviously as everyone does, kinda grew up and focussed on their kids and work lives etc, and things just changed for them and the music kinda stopped, so they decided to get more advanced managers to handle the house rather than someone living there.
I knew, on the night we all had a meeting together with the owners, and the new manager we were then introduced to, that things were gonna certainly take a turn.
I can't even explain it. It's more the fact that people that I've been living with feel the same way and it makes us all upset that were all upset by it. These new managers, which consist of 'Julia' who is German/Irish or whatever who thinks she's got it all under control
anyway all im trying to say is argyle is DEAD
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I wanna figure out where I get these notions about people not liking me. Sometimes I sit there and ponder about people and wonder what they think of me even though they're friends and nothing has even happened to make anyone think anything negative about me.
Sometimes I'm like 'I wish I was more like that' and it's annoying. I sometimes wish some people liked me more and wonder why they don't like me that much even though they probably do like me.
Why can't I take the first steps when I like a guy. I have this whole side of life cut right out of me and I feel like a clueless idiot when it comes to guys. If I like someone (which is hardly ever) I don't try to do anything about it I just try my best not to like them or I linger what I think might be flirting for ever until I look like an idiot.
I don't wanna waste my breath wanting to be like other people.
What am I even on about.
Sometimes I'm like 'I wish I was more like that' and it's annoying. I sometimes wish some people liked me more and wonder why they don't like me that much even though they probably do like me.
Why can't I take the first steps when I like a guy. I have this whole side of life cut right out of me and I feel like a clueless idiot when it comes to guys. If I like someone (which is hardly ever) I don't try to do anything about it I just try my best not to like them or I linger what I think might be flirting for ever until I look like an idiot.
I don't wanna waste my breath wanting to be like other people.
What am I even on about.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Procrastinating is probably something we are all familiar with, and I can say I'm definitely going through that a bit right now.... sometimes I wonder what even causes it and I wonder what is in between ideas and putting them to action but something interesting was brought to my brains tonight that I really liked,,
we came back from the movies tonight and we walked in the door and the house looked amazing... we had a few light that hadn't had lightbulbs in I think the whoooole time I've lived here and today while we were out some new ones were put in. They make the house look amazing and everything just looked 100 times better and there was a whole new feel to everything because of these freakin new lightbulbs I'm telling ya.
So one way I looked at it was like, something as simple and CHEAP as a lightbulb can make everything better, when sometimes we sit around thinking of ideas for how the house could look better, and we never really thought of lighting at all. It was all extreme like tvs n couches n microwaves.
So I put it into perspective of how I live sometimes and it kinda measured up to me being like 'oh I need work and I need to do this and I need to do this why aren't I doing it I don't understand lalalalala....' when maybe I just need to change something tiny and simple in my lifestyle and the way that I think before changes start happening, like motivation and shite like that..
And that is all. I like it when stuff like that comes to my head. Thinking bigg....er. It's not just lightbulbs... it's a whooole lot more!
we came back from the movies tonight and we walked in the door and the house looked amazing... we had a few light that hadn't had lightbulbs in I think the whoooole time I've lived here and today while we were out some new ones were put in. They make the house look amazing and everything just looked 100 times better and there was a whole new feel to everything because of these freakin new lightbulbs I'm telling ya.
So one way I looked at it was like, something as simple and CHEAP as a lightbulb can make everything better, when sometimes we sit around thinking of ideas for how the house could look better, and we never really thought of lighting at all. It was all extreme like tvs n couches n microwaves.
So I put it into perspective of how I live sometimes and it kinda measured up to me being like 'oh I need work and I need to do this and I need to do this why aren't I doing it I don't understand lalalalala....' when maybe I just need to change something tiny and simple in my lifestyle and the way that I think before changes start happening, like motivation and shite like that..
And that is all. I like it when stuff like that comes to my head. Thinking bigg....er. It's not just lightbulbs... it's a whooole lot more!
Monday, April 13, 2009
I got what I wanted and it took me a year to kinda fully realized it so now I'll go to the next thing.
I'm starting a zine called unused cities or unused city's (I haven't decided the spelling yet) bt it's basically all about people of Melbourne, or probably most of Fitzroy because that's where I am most of the time.
I want there to be photo's of people and witht their permission a little brief about them based on the questions I ask, and (ALL PERMISSION BASED) conversations I've recorded onto my mp3 player of random times, it'ss have a list of everyone in the recording and who they are, where their from etc, and I'll just write the whole thing out basically. It will be mostly on people, all kiiinds of people.
This week I have to create a 5 minute short film on myself to 'capture my personality' and I'm gonna get Sharmayne:
to do it for me over 3 days, and instead of it being just a straight 5 minutes it will be 5 minuted of 3-6 second takes all put into one thing. She knows me well enough to get me at right times and we share the same kinda interest in a whole heap of shit so I can definitely trust her to make it sweet as and she is real creative.
The film is to complete my audition.
Which, is allll gooood.
I'm starting a zine called unused cities or unused city's (I haven't decided the spelling yet) bt it's basically all about people of Melbourne, or probably most of Fitzroy because that's where I am most of the time.
I want there to be photo's of people and witht their permission a little brief about them based on the questions I ask, and (ALL PERMISSION BASED) conversations I've recorded onto my mp3 player of random times, it'ss have a list of everyone in the recording and who they are, where their from etc, and I'll just write the whole thing out basically. It will be mostly on people, all kiiinds of people.
This week I have to create a 5 minute short film on myself to 'capture my personality' and I'm gonna get Sharmayne:
to do it for me over 3 days, and instead of it being just a straight 5 minutes it will be 5 minuted of 3-6 second takes all put into one thing. She knows me well enough to get me at right times and we share the same kinda interest in a whole heap of shit so I can definitely trust her to make it sweet as and she is real creative.
The film is to complete my audition.
Which, is allll gooood.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Frickin Home on Argyle aye. Ya can't go wrong.
I remember about a year and half back from now, I was living with my aunty Buffy and cousin Jasper and it was great times, family fun great cool. But when Jasper was at school, and my Aunty was at work, I bored myself almost... to death.
I would do the same thing almost everyday unless it was an exciting day where I hung out with my loves Bing and Pal which were a plenty, yet these lonely confused days built up on me like a ton of bricks and I drove myself insane.
At one point I just woke up when my family did and had breakfast whatever, then when they'd leave, I used to listen to Rancid and Led Zeppelin over and over while cleaning the house and doing the dishes or whatever and talking to Pal on the phone, but then when we moved into the next house things were just getting gayer because I wasn't working either. I remember going to my room and crying my eyes out wondering what the fuck I was doing and getting sicker from my thought and having to write down on colourful paper all these positive affirmations and writing down everyone that I knew loved me to make myself feel better, I used to hang around in the kitchen listening to Bfm the best radio station ever, and listening to Die! Die! Die!'s amazing album promises promises or Elton Johns madman across the water and singing it all the time.
I used to sit in this same armchair at some points and one thought that stays vividly in my mind in my memory is the one where I used to think, where the fuck are all the people?? Where are these people that I want to be meeting and hanging around with? Where are they? I can't just resort to wasting my life in this house day by day. It can't happen, and the scary thing was was that somewhere I knew they were coming and it wouldn't be long. I stuck it in my subconscious or either my subconscious stuck it in me because nowadays I can walk along the street home and thinking how the fuck did everything in that sector of my life come to me in one year better than how I even imagined? Life is amazing. I blame it on being completely realistic and practical on what you want in life - in an extreme way that is out of your bounds at the time. That's exactly what I did and it took me a while to realize it, but it fucking amazes me day in day out.
Forward about a year and a half, and if I'm sitting bored in an armchair there are the people around that I was wanting to hang out with. There right there. I'm talking to them. I'm laughing with them. I'm learning from them. It's insane.
I love this house. I could cry in joy about how amazing it is.
You walk in the door and there'll be two Irish lovers speaking with their wicked accents about their van, and playing with Diablos next to Flora the manager who keeps everyone under control who walks into Dan who's wandering round wondering why me and Sharmayne find it funny to hand him a cornflake on a bubblegum wrapper while Ian from Leeds laughs in confusion then hands me an office quote from the book that we've said a million times but still find it priceless but then Liam will shuffle past on the phone and won't be able to stop moving because he's sorting out some new musical equipment and possibly drugs and never keeping still with our Beautiful Italian boys Alberto & Sebastian smoking spliffs as if they're cigarettes playing guitar and learning English rooming with Matt our token punk rocker/decent music of our time encyclopedia devouring his pearly white bass guitar scrunching round in his makeshift leather jacket/s having a laugh with Ben from Holland who is totally not funny but pretty funny when he's not trying to be telling us how small Holland really is while our Kiwi crew consisting of Ping Pong champ Tui Simmonds teasing MC Steve in a loving way while Nash has a beer in his hand and a cardboard sword with a Big Heart and Jesse our beautiful subtle bass player of the SOLOMON JAMSKI looking for a bong while realizing it's right there with Andrea and his six pack and English skills comin atcha telling us how he never wants to leave Australia and never wants to go back to Italy while James darling puts up with my never ending whack coming out of my mouth and Sven our German freaking us out wearing boxer shorts everywhere and telling us (jokingly?) that he wants that new mustache to look like a rapist and Emma the token Girlfriend of the married house owner and her cat business telling us not to pat her kitty Alfie's back yet because a chip has just been put in that Steve doesn't know about yet because he went back to London on us all because of money issues that I used to Jam with everyday and be continuously amazed at how beautiful it was to play guitar with another person and actually have a flow with me wondering why he's so slow with his answers sometimes maybe it was all those Bongs maybe the beautiful Wellingtonian Ariana understood me because she was in his room but maybe she was occupied on other things like her wonderful creativity and beautiful energy while I reminisce the time Marthe fucking Marthe with 3068 (north Fitzroy) imprinted on her wrist for life took something the fizzed in our hands that made us think we were never taught time when I walk into another room and see what goings on are going on then we hear eclectic music coming out from strange nooks and crannies of the house when I joint is passed to you then you stand back
and be amazed
that you live in such a dream come true slice of .. [insert appropriate word here]
I remember about a year and half back from now, I was living with my aunty Buffy and cousin Jasper and it was great times, family fun great cool. But when Jasper was at school, and my Aunty was at work, I bored myself almost... to death.
I would do the same thing almost everyday unless it was an exciting day where I hung out with my loves Bing and Pal which were a plenty, yet these lonely confused days built up on me like a ton of bricks and I drove myself insane.
At one point I just woke up when my family did and had breakfast whatever, then when they'd leave, I used to listen to Rancid and Led Zeppelin over and over while cleaning the house and doing the dishes or whatever and talking to Pal on the phone, but then when we moved into the next house things were just getting gayer because I wasn't working either. I remember going to my room and crying my eyes out wondering what the fuck I was doing and getting sicker from my thought and having to write down on colourful paper all these positive affirmations and writing down everyone that I knew loved me to make myself feel better, I used to hang around in the kitchen listening to Bfm the best radio station ever, and listening to Die! Die! Die!'s amazing album promises promises or Elton Johns madman across the water and singing it all the time.
I used to sit in this same armchair at some points and one thought that stays vividly in my mind in my memory is the one where I used to think, where the fuck are all the people?? Where are these people that I want to be meeting and hanging around with? Where are they? I can't just resort to wasting my life in this house day by day. It can't happen, and the scary thing was was that somewhere I knew they were coming and it wouldn't be long. I stuck it in my subconscious or either my subconscious stuck it in me because nowadays I can walk along the street home and thinking how the fuck did everything in that sector of my life come to me in one year better than how I even imagined? Life is amazing. I blame it on being completely realistic and practical on what you want in life - in an extreme way that is out of your bounds at the time. That's exactly what I did and it took me a while to realize it, but it fucking amazes me day in day out.
Forward about a year and a half, and if I'm sitting bored in an armchair there are the people around that I was wanting to hang out with. There right there. I'm talking to them. I'm laughing with them. I'm learning from them. It's insane.
I love this house. I could cry in joy about how amazing it is.
You walk in the door and there'll be two Irish lovers speaking with their wicked accents about their van, and playing with Diablos next to Flora the manager who keeps everyone under control who walks into Dan who's wandering round wondering why me and Sharmayne find it funny to hand him a cornflake on a bubblegum wrapper while Ian from Leeds laughs in confusion then hands me an office quote from the book that we've said a million times but still find it priceless but then Liam will shuffle past on the phone and won't be able to stop moving because he's sorting out some new musical equipment and possibly drugs and never keeping still with our Beautiful Italian boys Alberto & Sebastian smoking spliffs as if they're cigarettes playing guitar and learning English rooming with Matt our token punk rocker/decent music of our time encyclopedia devouring his pearly white bass guitar scrunching round in his makeshift leather jacket/s having a laugh with Ben from Holland who is totally not funny but pretty funny when he's not trying to be telling us how small Holland really is while our Kiwi crew consisting of Ping Pong champ Tui Simmonds teasing MC Steve in a loving way while Nash has a beer in his hand and a cardboard sword with a Big Heart and Jesse our beautiful subtle bass player of the SOLOMON JAMSKI looking for a bong while realizing it's right there with Andrea and his six pack and English skills comin atcha telling us how he never wants to leave Australia and never wants to go back to Italy while James darling puts up with my never ending whack coming out of my mouth and Sven our German freaking us out wearing boxer shorts everywhere and telling us (jokingly?) that he wants that new mustache to look like a rapist and Emma the token Girlfriend of the married house owner and her cat business telling us not to pat her kitty Alfie's back yet because a chip has just been put in that Steve doesn't know about yet because he went back to London on us all because of money issues that I used to Jam with everyday and be continuously amazed at how beautiful it was to play guitar with another person and actually have a flow with me wondering why he's so slow with his answers sometimes maybe it was all those Bongs maybe the beautiful Wellingtonian Ariana understood me because she was in his room but maybe she was occupied on other things like her wonderful creativity and beautiful energy while I reminisce the time Marthe fucking Marthe with 3068 (north Fitzroy) imprinted on her wrist for life took something the fizzed in our hands that made us think we were never taught time when I walk into another room and see what goings on are going on then we hear eclectic music coming out from strange nooks and crannies of the house when I joint is passed to you then you stand back
and be amazed
that you live in such a dream come true slice of .. [insert appropriate word here]
Thursday, March 19, 2009
PRICK.
This is after posting an ad on a job website for myself. Seriously. Why do people bother?
PRICK: Well just looked at your job and you should go back to NZ there are no job for you here.
Oh also, I am very suprise any guys would want you to massage them. With your look I would maybe pay you $1.00. but really if i wanted you to massage or touch me, you will need to pay me.
Hence, you will not find a job...that i can promise you..legit or not!
ME: JUST BECAUSE YOU CANT GET A JOB YOU FUCKFACE!
PRICK: I DO HAVE A JOB..FULL TIME ACTUALLY....AND I DEFINITE THAT I EARN A SHIT LOAD MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
JUST AFTER READING YOUR AD, YOU SOUND LIKE AN ABSOLUTE LOOSER..WHICH FROM YOU REPLY IT CONFIRMED SO.
ME: Oh so you boast about your life. I get it.
Sorry what was the point in replying to my ad?
Please go away and take your boredom out on something else.
Fuckface.
PRICK: It wasn't out of boredom, it was out more of the way you placed that ad....
No wonder why you stilll don't have a job and not wonder why no one have offered you one.
From the way you've replied so far..it just proved that if anyone give you a job, they would be making an absolutely tremendous mistake.
ME: how do you think someone would feel if they got a message like that though? how am i supposed to react?
why did you reply to me in the first place?
why do you care?
dont you have a full time job?
i dont think you should be going around and just putting people down like that. its obviously something to do with your own mentality and your taking it out on others.
what were you doing in the job section of gumtree anyway if your working?
was it just to cause a heap of arguments to feel better about yourself?
im sorry, but people like you dont make me feel bad about myself, if anything they make me try harder.
get a life you fuckin knobhead, you dont even know who the fuck i am, and I promise you, one day you will and if I could meet you i'd spit in your face, cunt.
and ps, have you been through my inbox? do you have any idea if i've had any offers? NO! you DONT! your just assuming!!
pissss offfffff
PRICK: Well just looked at your job and you should go back to NZ there are no job for you here.
Oh also, I am very suprise any guys would want you to massage them. With your look I would maybe pay you $1.00. but really if i wanted you to massage or touch me, you will need to pay me.
Hence, you will not find a job...that i can promise you..legit or not!
ME: JUST BECAUSE YOU CANT GET A JOB YOU FUCKFACE!
PRICK: I DO HAVE A JOB..FULL TIME ACTUALLY....AND I DEFINITE THAT I EARN A SHIT LOAD MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
JUST AFTER READING YOUR AD, YOU SOUND LIKE AN ABSOLUTE LOOSER..WHICH FROM YOU REPLY IT CONFIRMED SO.
ME: Oh so you boast about your life. I get it.
Sorry what was the point in replying to my ad?
Please go away and take your boredom out on something else.
Fuckface.
PRICK: It wasn't out of boredom, it was out more of the way you placed that ad....
No wonder why you stilll don't have a job and not wonder why no one have offered you one.
From the way you've replied so far..it just proved that if anyone give you a job, they would be making an absolutely tremendous mistake.
ME: how do you think someone would feel if they got a message like that though? how am i supposed to react?
why did you reply to me in the first place?
why do you care?
dont you have a full time job?
i dont think you should be going around and just putting people down like that. its obviously something to do with your own mentality and your taking it out on others.
what were you doing in the job section of gumtree anyway if your working?
was it just to cause a heap of arguments to feel better about yourself?
im sorry, but people like you dont make me feel bad about myself, if anything they make me try harder.
get a life you fuckin knobhead, you dont even know who the fuck i am, and I promise you, one day you will and if I could meet you i'd spit in your face, cunt.
and ps, have you been through my inbox? do you have any idea if i've had any offers? NO! you DONT! your just assuming!!
pissss offfffff
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Sittin on a cornflake...
I'm going to be in a documentary film. Basically, me and another guy are selling our virginity online and the documentary outlines the process of it all happening. I and the other guy are getting paid $20,000AUD and 90% of the highest bid.
So basically, I am staying in Melbourne.
Halle-fucking-lujah!
So basically, I am staying in Melbourne.
Halle-fucking-lujah!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
I absolutely hate it when you have headphones on and people start talking to you as if you can hear them. I came into the house and I have fucking music playing into my brain, pretty fucking obvious especially if your saying my name over and over again and I don't respond. Then I take my headphones off, and the person is like 'Oh, I was saying your name for ages you must not've heard me.
No fucking shit you dickhead. Why the fuck else would I want to have them on? To zone people like you out? YES!
So this is basically a thankyou to every musician I have high respect for.
And as for other things, eg. updating my stupid life into this box. I have no comment. Except that every fucking time I try, it backfires in my face. And I'm absolutely sick of it.
My flight home is next Friday. I cry every day because of it.
No fucking shit you dickhead. Why the fuck else would I want to have them on? To zone people like you out? YES!
So this is basically a thankyou to every musician I have high respect for.
And as for other things, eg. updating my stupid life into this box. I have no comment. Except that every fucking time I try, it backfires in my face. And I'm absolutely sick of it.
My flight home is next Friday. I cry every day because of it.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
YIN YANG BLACK WHITE GAY GAY GAY
Hello Ruby. Are you staying in Melbourne, or are you going back to Auckland? Well let me see.. I don't know. I wouldn't have a clue. At all.
Hello Ruby. Is it doing your head in? Yeah. It is. Howd'ya guess?
I hate this. I love the thought of sitting with Alice at her house and talking for ages and then going to buy 80 bucks worth of orange juice and laughing at Phil. I love the thought of Seeing Leah Bing and checking out her house and admiring how well she's doing at life, and just talking for ages with her.
Then I would just love to live here and go see Ash at his uni house in Geelong every other weekend. I'm doing that this weekend I can't wait. And I want to stay so I can see my Simon as well.
I love Fitzroy. I love Titirangi. I love all these people equally. It's fucked. I don't know what to do. But it all depends on what happens at 4pm today. Wish me luck or don't either way it will be good and bad.
Hello Ruby. Is it doing your head in? Yeah. It is. Howd'ya guess?
I hate this. I love the thought of sitting with Alice at her house and talking for ages and then going to buy 80 bucks worth of orange juice and laughing at Phil. I love the thought of Seeing Leah Bing and checking out her house and admiring how well she's doing at life, and just talking for ages with her.
Then I would just love to live here and go see Ash at his uni house in Geelong every other weekend. I'm doing that this weekend I can't wait. And I want to stay so I can see my Simon as well.
I love Fitzroy. I love Titirangi. I love all these people equally. It's fucked. I don't know what to do. But it all depends on what happens at 4pm today. Wish me luck or don't either way it will be good and bad.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
march the first
I hate not knowing what I'm doing. These fucking situations are just so stupid. I feel like someone is just screaming at me in the face not to go home, and to buck up and stay. I fucking hate it. Deep down, in my heart, I do want to stay in Melbourne. And work. And stay in Fitzroy my favourite suburb of all time. Pay my bills off here because it will be ten thousand times easier than doing it from New Zealand.
You could say that I am also terrified of going home. My dad is forever going on about how I should come back and how he'll set up his spare room for me and I can work with his best friend in his new restaurant. That's cool but I just can't stand the thought of being around people that won't understand me. I love beer. I love weed. Rollies are good. And I enjoy acid. I can't see there being any outlet for that at all if I go back to Auckland, if anything I'll just be frowned upon and it's pathetic.
I'm scared that when I see people that everything with them will just be the same, and I'll be screaming to get back to Australia. I figured it would be a good incentive for me to work hard at home so I can come back. But then I'm scared I'll just fall into the cunning little Auckland trap that almost every fucking kiwi I've met - away from home - has admitted to.
Coming away from AK has made me see it in a whole new light. Everything I love about that place fits into one street in Melbourne, and I just become freaked out if I think of some common sight in that place.
It will be amazing. To see my best friends, my family, and all that jazz, but I can say now that I actually know where I want to be. Nothing will ever compare to the luscious west Auckland, booming with nature and being not far away from fantastic waters though. But it's easily said that 'pretty little pure NZ' is definitely not, a reason to stay.
I've had that booming nature thing all my life, right in front of my face, but when your growing up in front of it, and you still have everything else to worry about like family issues and school, relationships with people, and learning about yourself, it's not all flora and fucking fauna. That's where people go wrong, I've met people that are all like 'WAOHW. Your from NZ? Why did you ever leave?'
Are you out of your mind? Fuck you man! I left because New ZEALAND isn't the only fucking place on earth, and because I get ONE life, and I would like to maybe, y'know, get off my ass and see something different so my brain doesn't shatter to pieces in my skull. Is that ok? Cheers.
I don't really know what I'm getting at here. Overall, I think my heart really lies where I am right now, and that going to Auckland is just giving up. I mean, when I do think about it, will I be truly happy with my decision? I've come to a point now where I've realized how powerful choices actually are. Be it anything. The littlest things can set you up for something for your whole life, and I feel like I just need to be around like minded people. That's it. Like minded people. And I am. So why the fuck am I leaving it. I don't know.
All in all, it would be wicked to go home because I love and adore my friends and family and I would cross the seas for them. I just hope I'm not in for some kind of shock that's all.
You could say that I am also terrified of going home. My dad is forever going on about how I should come back and how he'll set up his spare room for me and I can work with his best friend in his new restaurant. That's cool but I just can't stand the thought of being around people that won't understand me. I love beer. I love weed. Rollies are good. And I enjoy acid. I can't see there being any outlet for that at all if I go back to Auckland, if anything I'll just be frowned upon and it's pathetic.
I'm scared that when I see people that everything with them will just be the same, and I'll be screaming to get back to Australia. I figured it would be a good incentive for me to work hard at home so I can come back. But then I'm scared I'll just fall into the cunning little Auckland trap that almost every fucking kiwi I've met - away from home - has admitted to.
Coming away from AK has made me see it in a whole new light. Everything I love about that place fits into one street in Melbourne, and I just become freaked out if I think of some common sight in that place.
It will be amazing. To see my best friends, my family, and all that jazz, but I can say now that I actually know where I want to be. Nothing will ever compare to the luscious west Auckland, booming with nature and being not far away from fantastic waters though. But it's easily said that 'pretty little pure NZ' is definitely not, a reason to stay.
I've had that booming nature thing all my life, right in front of my face, but when your growing up in front of it, and you still have everything else to worry about like family issues and school, relationships with people, and learning about yourself, it's not all flora and fucking fauna. That's where people go wrong, I've met people that are all like 'WAOHW. Your from NZ? Why did you ever leave?'
Are you out of your mind? Fuck you man! I left because New ZEALAND isn't the only fucking place on earth, and because I get ONE life, and I would like to maybe, y'know, get off my ass and see something different so my brain doesn't shatter to pieces in my skull. Is that ok? Cheers.
I don't really know what I'm getting at here. Overall, I think my heart really lies where I am right now, and that going to Auckland is just giving up. I mean, when I do think about it, will I be truly happy with my decision? I've come to a point now where I've realized how powerful choices actually are. Be it anything. The littlest things can set you up for something for your whole life, and I feel like I just need to be around like minded people. That's it. Like minded people. And I am. So why the fuck am I leaving it. I don't know.
All in all, it would be wicked to go home because I love and adore my friends and family and I would cross the seas for them. I just hope I'm not in for some kind of shock that's all.
Friday, February 27, 2009
27 2 09
You know what? Fucken hell. I fuckin applied for a renewal of my fuckin passport like, 3 weeks ago, and allowed enough time for it to be sent to NZ and allowed the 10 working days to be processed then allowed the time for it to be sent back minus the weekends, I did everything in my eyes perfectly, and booked my flight a week after I estimated it to get here so it felt like there was all the time in the fuckinnnn world. Then one day. Out of blue clear sky, my passport arrived!
I'm joking, I'll rephrase that funnily enough, wouldn't that be nice. My passport arriving would be brilliant. But no.
So anyway, one day out of blue clear sky, I call the NZ Consulate in Sydney just to, y'know, check up see where it's all at in the processing bullshit, and then the womans like 'Oh, well your passport can't be processed at all because the application was written in pencil' and I was like 'Huh? So what was supposed to happen was I just gonna sit here and wait for the never to be seen passport because I wrote it in pencil?' And she was like 'No, the Department of Internal Affairs in Wellington have sent you a letter 2 days ago explaining the situation' And I'm like oh my fucking god.
So I had to go to the fucking internet cafe to print out the billion page application and fill it out again, send it moderate post (Which was 18 fuckin bucks, I don't understand the fuckin post system man. It's like, standard post, fast post, then express fuckin flash million dollar post, it's like, if your gonna post it, just post the fuckin thing. What is standard post? Does it go in a slow plane or something? Then Express is done with jets and delivered by Olympic Champions on bikes that can go at a million kms an hour as opposed to a fat person walking or something for standard post?? I don't get it!!! FUCK YOU!)
yeah anyway, so I sent the new application, which cost me $18, and now I have to postpone my fucking flight so my fuckport can get here in time which will cost me $40, and I obviously have to stay in Melbourne for at least another 7 working days and that's food and rent!
FUCK! IT WAS JUST A PENCIL YOU MINDLESS FUCKS! FUCK YOU! FUCK! IT HAS BASICALLY COST ME FUCKIN $300 EXTRA DOLLARS JUST BECAUSE I WROTE IN PENCIL! AND NOW YOU GAY GUYS ARE GONNA GET THE EXACT SAME INFORMATION AGAIN IN FUCKIN PEN! SCREW YOUR BALLS! GIVE ME MY DAMN PASSPORT!
Yes so that is one half of me, completely mad as hell about the situation. The other half of me is like ooh yay I get to be in Melbourne a little bit longer hehe..!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Counting on one hand. 19.2.09
Love can be hard to put into words so bear with me.
Christine is from a small town called Trelleborg, in Sweden. She tells people shes from Malmo usually because no-one knows where Trelleborg is. Last year, at the backpackers we stayed in for four months, she was pretty renowned for her classic breakfast of.. a boiled egg, raw weet-bix, an orange, avocado, carrot, and then a black coffee, a couple of pieces of dark chocolate and a cigarette straight after. She wants to quit smoking. But she still offers a dollar to passers by and people sitting outside cafes for a cigarette. She eats healthy food all the time so whenever I'm like frying up bacon and she comes in I'm like 'Hi..' I think it's funny when I massage her shoulders and when she is really enjoying it I suddenly stop and say 'THERE'.
She's so blunt in a refreshing way. If there's a joint being passed around, it's usually quite subtle but if it gets passed to her she'll say 'Oh is that weed? Oh no thankyou' and it's hilarious. But when she is stoned, it's so funny. One morning she said 'Oh Ruby I'm so guilty I bought 2 pizza slices after that weed last night'.
She helped me write a letter to a friend once, and I was crying so I couldn't really write so she took over, we never sent it, I didn't read it but we sent it to my email so I could decide if I wanted to send it. When I read it the next morning it basically said everything to that person that I would've said from my heart, and she's never even met the person it was to. The underlying joy of understanding somebody you love is fucking priceless, and she's so there. I love to be around Christine because I feel like she just breaks barriers, and it's so refreshing. If I'm sitting with a bunch of other people having a beer and whatever, she never minds just coming over and getting everyone's attention then saying 'Ruby I made vegetable soup, do you want to try?' and I'm like 'Yeah'.
Andrea is from the same place as Christine, they were travelling together, they've known each other since they were little. She has the softest hands, and such a caring energy about her, whenever she was around, I felt safe. I remember this one time in Sydney we went to this asian kind of shop, and she bought a shitload of all this stuff like lanterns and even a CD that played chinese kindof music like those 20 minute long songs and she fully revamped our room to surprise everyone. She's like a girl of simple pleasures, always interested all kinds of different shit. I feel like I can't write about her and there's something else that I can't put into words, but I somehow find that hardly surprising.
One thing I did love was that, even though she does modelling for a job, she was definitely not a model in her personality. Somedays I'd go with her to her castings and there'd be all these twats chatting away in their high heels and me and her would just sit together and do whatever. She's an excellent model, and does her job pretty well, but she's so so much more than that and that's the person I love.
Ash is from everywhere. He was born in London then moved to Wales as a kid. Then moved to Australia around August last year...
My Ashy likes to say things like "bumblewick" or "horses" or "blood on a cats face" when you'd least expect it and it makes you feel happy at the strangest times. He's the kind of person who doesn't mind being honest with you, and believes in you in a way that makes you feel like a very important friend. He knows his stuff, and I love being around him because he pays attention and always has something useful to say when you wanna talk to him. In my experience anyway. I love how he can read people and I love how blunt he is especially when I'm being a twat he doesn't have any fear to say what;s really on his mind and it's so refreshing. I love Ash so much. I miss him when he's not around. He's really responsible for things he does. He goes to work if he has a job. He's good with his money. But above all of that, HE KNOWS HIS MUSIC. Music music music, he knows EXACTLY what to put on man.
I never really had a taste for electro/dance music before I came to Australia, but I can honestly say, that since meeting Ash I have a love for it. We've had the coolest conversations about his music, and I appreciate it so much. I love it when I'm just with him or spending the day with him because we just talk and talk and he talks sense, he won't just be all sympathetic he says the facts and it's so much better.
One of my favourite days I had with Ash was when I woke up and he was rolling a joint, and by the end of the day we'd had about 16 joints between ourselves.. He knows his stuff, and he knows me. Quite well. And I love smelling his shoulder. Bless his heart.
I love Sams laugh. And his view on things. Sam is one of those people that i met and had an amazing time with and that I want to know forever. Even if he thinks I'm a freak I don't care. He's so wonderful, I still feel overwhelmed at how much energy he used telling me how much he believed in me at a time when I needed it. Sam is sole responsible for pretty much the best New Years I ever had. We hung out alot and it made me feel like a kid again. I looove watching Sam skate, because he's so good and the way he describes the feeling is wicked. Sam has a hot body. And it so in proportion that I love looking at his waist especially when he'd walk around in boxers. What a hottie. Sam loves it when I play "Fuck Forever" on guitar, and wants me to play a gig for him when I get to Guildford. If I play it to him while sitting on the grass, it will still be good though. Tons of booze went down with my Sammy (aka Gummy Bear, though I didn't call him that much but nicknames are special to have for someone I believe) We laughed. We talked. We argued. We had fun. And I can't wait to see him and do it all again.
Simon is from London, and moved to Cambridge when he was 11. The day I met Simon, he was leaving for Japan in 6 days, but he never went because he didn't have enough money. That week he was ringing his uni in England to defer his study because he wanted to stay in Melbourne and work. Simon has made me really happy ever since I have known him, and I think he is one of the most beautifullest people in the whole wide world. He's the most unfake person I know. He knows lots. He doesn't like fruit. He's going to do Fashion Design at University. He has a cool last name - Rose, but he thinks the name Simon is boring. I remember I wrote 'Ruby May' on my food bag at this hostel, and he said 'That's a well good name'. One time he rolled me ciggarette and wrote on it 'Ruby's smoke'. Simon played basketball for 7 years in Cambridge and his team was called 'Cambridge Cats'.
We used to have this game in the old hostel we were in where there would be a long table, and a pot of beer would be at one end, then as you went along there were two pints of beer, then a jug at the end. You would stand in line and take turns at trying to get a ping pong ball into one of them, Simon won the jug at the end twice!
Simon and me slept in a park in Sydney for about 4 nights over January. He said it was one of the lowest points in his life and I feel a bit sad about that. Although we had fun and had a wicked view of Sydney harbour. I loved it.
I love it when Simon plays "Redemption Song" on guitar, and he loves when I play "Fuck forever". I love it when Simon uses the end of his glasses to compress the wedd in the awesome joints he rolls. I call Simon "Lamby" or "Mister Mystical Magic Man" or "Billy Buttons" or "Simons" but mostly Lamby. I don't know if he likes he but I don't think he is too fussed.
Simon has an escapist nature, and he like his space. He reads people really well. He listens, very in depth that sometimes I don't think he's listening, but he definitely is, because he remembers everything you say.
Simon has a deep love and appreciation for Led Zeppelin, and can never play the song Ramble on at any old time. He would rather do it when the time is right because it feels better. I feel like I have something crazy to write right now, but I can't put it into words because I love Simon so much.
Christine is from a small town called Trelleborg, in Sweden. She tells people shes from Malmo usually because no-one knows where Trelleborg is. Last year, at the backpackers we stayed in for four months, she was pretty renowned for her classic breakfast of.. a boiled egg, raw weet-bix, an orange, avocado, carrot, and then a black coffee, a couple of pieces of dark chocolate and a cigarette straight after. She wants to quit smoking. But she still offers a dollar to passers by and people sitting outside cafes for a cigarette. She eats healthy food all the time so whenever I'm like frying up bacon and she comes in I'm like 'Hi..' I think it's funny when I massage her shoulders and when she is really enjoying it I suddenly stop and say 'THERE'.
She's so blunt in a refreshing way. If there's a joint being passed around, it's usually quite subtle but if it gets passed to her she'll say 'Oh is that weed? Oh no thankyou' and it's hilarious. But when she is stoned, it's so funny. One morning she said 'Oh Ruby I'm so guilty I bought 2 pizza slices after that weed last night'.
She helped me write a letter to a friend once, and I was crying so I couldn't really write so she took over, we never sent it, I didn't read it but we sent it to my email so I could decide if I wanted to send it. When I read it the next morning it basically said everything to that person that I would've said from my heart, and she's never even met the person it was to. The underlying joy of understanding somebody you love is fucking priceless, and she's so there. I love to be around Christine because I feel like she just breaks barriers, and it's so refreshing. If I'm sitting with a bunch of other people having a beer and whatever, she never minds just coming over and getting everyone's attention then saying 'Ruby I made vegetable soup, do you want to try?' and I'm like 'Yeah'.
Andrea is from the same place as Christine, they were travelling together, they've known each other since they were little. She has the softest hands, and such a caring energy about her, whenever she was around, I felt safe. I remember this one time in Sydney we went to this asian kind of shop, and she bought a shitload of all this stuff like lanterns and even a CD that played chinese kindof music like those 20 minute long songs and she fully revamped our room to surprise everyone. She's like a girl of simple pleasures, always interested all kinds of different shit. I feel like I can't write about her and there's something else that I can't put into words, but I somehow find that hardly surprising.
One thing I did love was that, even though she does modelling for a job, she was definitely not a model in her personality. Somedays I'd go with her to her castings and there'd be all these twats chatting away in their high heels and me and her would just sit together and do whatever. She's an excellent model, and does her job pretty well, but she's so so much more than that and that's the person I love.
Ash is from everywhere. He was born in London then moved to Wales as a kid. Then moved to Australia around August last year...
My Ashy likes to say things like "bumblewick" or "horses" or "blood on a cats face" when you'd least expect it and it makes you feel happy at the strangest times. He's the kind of person who doesn't mind being honest with you, and believes in you in a way that makes you feel like a very important friend. He knows his stuff, and I love being around him because he pays attention and always has something useful to say when you wanna talk to him. In my experience anyway. I love how he can read people and I love how blunt he is especially when I'm being a twat he doesn't have any fear to say what;s really on his mind and it's so refreshing. I love Ash so much. I miss him when he's not around. He's really responsible for things he does. He goes to work if he has a job. He's good with his money. But above all of that, HE KNOWS HIS MUSIC. Music music music, he knows EXACTLY what to put on man.
I never really had a taste for electro/dance music before I came to Australia, but I can honestly say, that since meeting Ash I have a love for it. We've had the coolest conversations about his music, and I appreciate it so much. I love it when I'm just with him or spending the day with him because we just talk and talk and he talks sense, he won't just be all sympathetic he says the facts and it's so much better.
One of my favourite days I had with Ash was when I woke up and he was rolling a joint, and by the end of the day we'd had about 16 joints between ourselves.. He knows his stuff, and he knows me. Quite well. And I love smelling his shoulder. Bless his heart.
I love Sams laugh. And his view on things. Sam is one of those people that i met and had an amazing time with and that I want to know forever. Even if he thinks I'm a freak I don't care. He's so wonderful, I still feel overwhelmed at how much energy he used telling me how much he believed in me at a time when I needed it. Sam is sole responsible for pretty much the best New Years I ever had. We hung out alot and it made me feel like a kid again. I looove watching Sam skate, because he's so good and the way he describes the feeling is wicked. Sam has a hot body. And it so in proportion that I love looking at his waist especially when he'd walk around in boxers. What a hottie. Sam loves it when I play "Fuck Forever" on guitar, and wants me to play a gig for him when I get to Guildford. If I play it to him while sitting on the grass, it will still be good though. Tons of booze went down with my Sammy (aka Gummy Bear, though I didn't call him that much but nicknames are special to have for someone I believe) We laughed. We talked. We argued. We had fun. And I can't wait to see him and do it all again.
Simon is from London, and moved to Cambridge when he was 11. The day I met Simon, he was leaving for Japan in 6 days, but he never went because he didn't have enough money. That week he was ringing his uni in England to defer his study because he wanted to stay in Melbourne and work. Simon has made me really happy ever since I have known him, and I think he is one of the most beautifullest people in the whole wide world. He's the most unfake person I know. He knows lots. He doesn't like fruit. He's going to do Fashion Design at University. He has a cool last name - Rose, but he thinks the name Simon is boring. I remember I wrote 'Ruby May' on my food bag at this hostel, and he said 'That's a well good name'. One time he rolled me ciggarette and wrote on it 'Ruby's smoke'. Simon played basketball for 7 years in Cambridge and his team was called 'Cambridge Cats'.
We used to have this game in the old hostel we were in where there would be a long table, and a pot of beer would be at one end, then as you went along there were two pints of beer, then a jug at the end. You would stand in line and take turns at trying to get a ping pong ball into one of them, Simon won the jug at the end twice!
Simon and me slept in a park in Sydney for about 4 nights over January. He said it was one of the lowest points in his life and I feel a bit sad about that. Although we had fun and had a wicked view of Sydney harbour. I loved it.
I love it when Simon plays "Redemption Song" on guitar, and he loves when I play "Fuck forever". I love it when Simon uses the end of his glasses to compress the wedd in the awesome joints he rolls. I call Simon "Lamby" or "Mister Mystical Magic Man" or "Billy Buttons" or "Simons" but mostly Lamby. I don't know if he likes he but I don't think he is too fussed.
Simon has an escapist nature, and he like his space. He reads people really well. He listens, very in depth that sometimes I don't think he's listening, but he definitely is, because he remembers everything you say.
Simon has a deep love and appreciation for Led Zeppelin, and can never play the song Ramble on at any old time. He would rather do it when the time is right because it feels better. I feel like I have something crazy to write right now, but I can't put it into words because I love Simon so much.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Wednesday 18 Feb 09
www.theselby.com
You know when things make you feel like it's a beginning of an era or something?
I love that feeling. All I can say is that I can't wait til BRITAIN and I can't wait to go home and do shit then fuck off again. Yeha
You know when things make you feel like it's a beginning of an era or something?
I love that feeling. All I can say is that I can't wait til BRITAIN and I can't wait to go home and do shit then fuck off again. Yeha
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
12 feb 09
I'm pretty much in complete limbo right now. I'm going home. But it's like 8/10 I'm going home. The other 2% is like so itchy in my brain and it's so gay. It's like this little inkling of this little persuasive voice telling me to stay and that going home is giving up and ruining my chances and it's not going to be good for me to go back and blah blah blah, but in reality, I literally cannot stay in Melbourne any longer as it costs me money that I don't have every single night. It's such a horrible feeling. I hate decisions like this.
I can't believe it's actually come to this though, it scares me when I read my old enthusiastic blogs about how I'm gonna work and live in Melbourne and save up and all that motivation and happiness seems to have gone right out the window. It just disappeared. And now I just feel confused all the time and drown my brain in money worry then get stoned til I can't handle it to not think about it. I have failed at Australia and I know it. I hate to know it but I did not do what I wanted here. Not at all. I'm a fucking dreamer.
I can't believe it's actually come to this though, it scares me when I read my old enthusiastic blogs about how I'm gonna work and live in Melbourne and save up and all that motivation and happiness seems to have gone right out the window. It just disappeared. And now I just feel confused all the time and drown my brain in money worry then get stoned til I can't handle it to not think about it. I have failed at Australia and I know it. I hate to know it but I did not do what I wanted here. Not at all. I'm a fucking dreamer.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Sunday 8 Feb
46.4C was yesterdays temperature in Melbourne. I went into the city with Christine and the heat must totally fuck with you or something because I couldn't even think.
The weather combination was so strange, it was really cloudy, with a pink sky, reeeally windy, and fucking hot. It felt like you were walking into a blow dryer all day on high.
We went into the Library, and it felt amazing walking in because it was air conditioned, but te amount of people in there was unbelievable. There were people in there just sitting down to scab air conditioning, and it wore off after a while and started feeling warm again and the lines for the computers went all over the walls so we had no chance and then we walked out and bang there it was the heatwave right in your face.
On the tram to town, I thought there was a bug on my leg because it tickled but it was just sweat dripping down from the back of my knees.
The most busiest shop was Boost Juice.
7-11 Slurpees were a hit yesterday with about 60% of the people I saw with a large one in their hand.
Every single chocolate bar in the shops were melted, me and Christine entertained ourselves for some time just running our fingers along melted chocolate bars.
I actually thought the world was coming to and end. It was like living in a news report.
I'm glad I'm experiencing it all though. But I looove cold weather. It's the best.
The weather combination was so strange, it was really cloudy, with a pink sky, reeeally windy, and fucking hot. It felt like you were walking into a blow dryer all day on high.
We went into the Library, and it felt amazing walking in because it was air conditioned, but te amount of people in there was unbelievable. There were people in there just sitting down to scab air conditioning, and it wore off after a while and started feeling warm again and the lines for the computers went all over the walls so we had no chance and then we walked out and bang there it was the heatwave right in your face.
On the tram to town, I thought there was a bug on my leg because it tickled but it was just sweat dripping down from the back of my knees.
The most busiest shop was Boost Juice.
7-11 Slurpees were a hit yesterday with about 60% of the people I saw with a large one in their hand.
Every single chocolate bar in the shops were melted, me and Christine entertained ourselves for some time just running our fingers along melted chocolate bars.
I actually thought the world was coming to and end. It was like living in a news report.
I'm glad I'm experiencing it all though. But I looove cold weather. It's the best.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Sat 7 Feb 09
I don't eat properly. I wake up at about 11-12 everyday and won't eat for about 3 hors because I'm not hungry then I'll have some orange juice, and then I'll have a drink of strawberry/chocolate milk a bit after that. Then I still aren't hungry for a while after that. Then I go get a Slurpee at 7-11. Then I eat something gay like a sandwich later on. Food just doesn't really compare to anything that goes on in my head at the moment, it's weird, I've totally lost my appetite! My friend Christine says I look kinda pale and I have a cough (still) at the moment and I don't think it has anything to do with smoking as I have about 3 rollies per day at most, I smoke weed more than rollies but my immune system must be gay at the moment because I haven't been eating properly. Food is like, money, and money is like, limited. So I think I just can't really be bothered spending fifty bucks on fuckin. Stuff. All the things I could really do with eg. fish, chicken veges fruit nuts etc is like so fucking expensive it's unreal. I think I'll go to the vic markets today and score some cheap fruit and veg today though. YUM!!!
I'm going home. In about a month. And it's weird. I'm thinking strongly about flying into Christchurch and working my way up to Auckland because the thought of flying straight into Auckland scares me a bit because I don't like the thought of being in Melbourne and Auckland in one day. It's like, I get to the airport, go through Auckland to get home, and I'll be like, I was in Melbourne today. It'll be a little bit of a shock in a way. I don't really like that thought. And anyway my friend Sam went all Alexander Supertramp and hitchiked thru the south island recently and he'll be back in Australia tomorrow (SAM COME TO MELBOURNE MY LOVE!) and he's fully inspired me.
cant be bothered to write anymore bye
I'm going home. In about a month. And it's weird. I'm thinking strongly about flying into Christchurch and working my way up to Auckland because the thought of flying straight into Auckland scares me a bit because I don't like the thought of being in Melbourne and Auckland in one day. It's like, I get to the airport, go through Auckland to get home, and I'll be like, I was in Melbourne today. It'll be a little bit of a shock in a way. I don't really like that thought. And anyway my friend Sam went all Alexander Supertramp and hitchiked thru the south island recently and he'll be back in Australia tomorrow (SAM COME TO MELBOURNE MY LOVE!) and he's fully inspired me.
cant be bothered to write anymore bye
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
3 feb 09
In the middle of all the fun, sometimes I wish I never came away from home. And in the middle of all the fun of facebook, deep down I absolutely hate the sight of facebook. It's full of bullshit fucking photos of the same old shit chicks holding their fucking chick sweet drinks in their chick glasses and fucking crap statuses like 'so and so: can't wait til (insert amazing event that probably wont take place here). Anyway I didn't come on here to write about fuckbook. I don't know what I did. I want to write it. But don't want to. Theres some people I wish I never met. It sounds so wrong to say it but it's sad because when they are from the other side of the world it's more scary. If you connect with someone like you do with your best friends back home it's hard. I don't know. I think I'm just coming to terms with the fact that Melbourne days with Simon are over. And everything's gonna change. I just wanna go home for a little while. Sort my life out and talk to people and sit with my cat and my records for a bit. I'm such a fuck. Seriously. Why am I going home? Why can't it just be normal. I feel like if I tell Simon I want to go home he'll think that I'm saying it because I want him to come back from Mildura and I wish me and him were just regular fucking friends like Hi hows it going What are you doing not sarcastic all around because we know each other so fucking well but then that's actually an amazing thing to have with someone so I don't know why I'm not thankful because if it was just normal 'how I want it' then I'd probably want it to be how it is now. It's like this fucking thing that's so annoying and then I write a massive hello message asking how he is and I don't even send it because I feel too embarrassed because he doesn't like facebook and hates long messages and replying to people and I feel like if I write one he'll think I'm just writing it to see if he'll reply and then we'll have to keep on writing to each other because who's gonna stop replying and then I think if a friendship has to be this questionable for me why even have it with that person then I think how can I think that because Simon is so wonderful to me. Everything seems to be contradicting everything and I don't know what to do. I'm such a freak. I just wish.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Wed 28 Jan 09
I feel so embarrassed of myself sometimes, it seems that I make everything look good on the outside and I have been doing so for months and when I tell people back home how I'm going it all seems ok in their eyes but I really wish it was. I've been here almost a year now in Australia and to me, I haven't accomplished jack shit. I am constantly moneyless. Any money I've had in the past two months has been from bludging from family back home. I owe $360 at this house I'm staying at and it's so hard being here because it's so laid back and all that shit and I get to know the people and everything bt I have this fucking itch in the back of my head of owing rent and I find it so hard to something about it. I have the shittest willpower and I shouldn't.
Fucking Westpac ring me every week to see if I have a job yet to pay my $1500 Visa fine that started off at $1000 that I spent in just 8 days like, 5 months ago. I haven't paid them a cent and the last time I got a call the woman was going on about how it will affect my credit rating and if I ever want to settle down one day and get a house it will be hard and all that crap. I'm so sick of putting on a happy face. I owe Simon like $200. And I also owe my friend Doug $350. I owe my friend Andrea in Sweden $1165 and I also have a phone bill in NZ of $650.
I'm the kind of person that avoids as much problematic situations as possible until I break down and want to kill myself about i and it's not healthy. I hate the feeling of trying to sort my life out, everytime I try to be positive I just end up crying because everything comes to me in one go and it overtakes my mind.
Simon went to Mildura today, about 8-9 hours away north of Melbourne and me and him need time apart BIG TIME. It's gotten to the point now where we snap at each other and it's up and down, and we've been hanging out with each other for months on end now and I've actually forgotten how our friendship should be.
I was just flicking through old emails before, deleting them and whatnot and I came across this one from last October and I said in reply to a mate what I did in the weekend and it said I went to the park with my friend Simon and smoked heaps of weed and drank beer and it was sweet. I thought about that day instantly and I though to myself if we had done that this week, it would've just been draining. That was such a good day, and that's what me and Simon are like, and supposed to be like so life in the relationship sector and a bit heavy at the moment,
especially because it brings me to tears when I think about how stupid I can be to him. I love him so much and I just want those days back. I'm happy he's gone away, we need it.
I'm missing friends from home terribly. If I think of my friend Alice, I usually start crying, but only when I'm alone. And I couldn't contain how much I missed my friend Karina the other day too. I can't believe how life goes. Sometimes I just wanna go home, and go to my mums and sit in the garden with my pets and mum and brother and know that I'm safe there because there's actual food available to me, and love and I have a bed to sleep in without feeling like I need to pay somebody for fucking breathing.
I can't believe I'm sitting here, once again, without a cent to my name and not knowing where my next cent will come from, with no fucking food, and a choice of beanbags and couches to sleep on tonight. I just need to take more acid I think and let the trees tell me that I am safe and that I can devour their warm embrace anytime I like. Now that was home.
Fucking Westpac ring me every week to see if I have a job yet to pay my $1500 Visa fine that started off at $1000 that I spent in just 8 days like, 5 months ago. I haven't paid them a cent and the last time I got a call the woman was going on about how it will affect my credit rating and if I ever want to settle down one day and get a house it will be hard and all that crap. I'm so sick of putting on a happy face. I owe Simon like $200. And I also owe my friend Doug $350. I owe my friend Andrea in Sweden $1165 and I also have a phone bill in NZ of $650.
I'm the kind of person that avoids as much problematic situations as possible until I break down and want to kill myself about i and it's not healthy. I hate the feeling of trying to sort my life out, everytime I try to be positive I just end up crying because everything comes to me in one go and it overtakes my mind.
Simon went to Mildura today, about 8-9 hours away north of Melbourne and me and him need time apart BIG TIME. It's gotten to the point now where we snap at each other and it's up and down, and we've been hanging out with each other for months on end now and I've actually forgotten how our friendship should be.
I was just flicking through old emails before, deleting them and whatnot and I came across this one from last October and I said in reply to a mate what I did in the weekend and it said I went to the park with my friend Simon and smoked heaps of weed and drank beer and it was sweet. I thought about that day instantly and I though to myself if we had done that this week, it would've just been draining. That was such a good day, and that's what me and Simon are like, and supposed to be like so life in the relationship sector and a bit heavy at the moment,
especially because it brings me to tears when I think about how stupid I can be to him. I love him so much and I just want those days back. I'm happy he's gone away, we need it.
I'm missing friends from home terribly. If I think of my friend Alice, I usually start crying, but only when I'm alone. And I couldn't contain how much I missed my friend Karina the other day too. I can't believe how life goes. Sometimes I just wanna go home, and go to my mums and sit in the garden with my pets and mum and brother and know that I'm safe there because there's actual food available to me, and love and I have a bed to sleep in without feeling like I need to pay somebody for fucking breathing.
I can't believe I'm sitting here, once again, without a cent to my name and not knowing where my next cent will come from, with no fucking food, and a choice of beanbags and couches to sleep on tonight. I just need to take more acid I think and let the trees tell me that I am safe and that I can devour their warm embrace anytime I like. Now that was home.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Tuesday 27 January 09
Tuesday is my mums payday.
This month has been so extremely weird and up and down and wild and crazy and up and down and indescribable and strange and i feel like such a nerd writing about my life in a white box. But it's ok because it will be in a book one day. No spell check either thank you.
I don't think I can really be assed with continuing my last blog, it's already a long one as it is and I kinda like the mystery of it at the end. To be continued... well here it is I'm continuing.
I just got off the phone to Ash for the second time tonight. He rang me not long ago and we spoke for half an hour, I thought it was my uncle Shale at first, and I got all excited and then it was Ash and I was even more excited. Everytime he rings he says hello like real subtly, and it never sounds like him. And it confused me even more cuz my phone didn't recognize the number. So yeah anyway Ash is coming over tomorrow and I'm happy because I haven't seen him in 6 weeks. Fuck!
Yesterday me Doug and Simon went to Big Day Out. It was wicked. It was a pretty significant day for me because the last Big Day Out I went to was where I made the decision to come to Australia, and one of the best moments I've ever had since I've been away took place last night while I was watching Neil Young on such a magnificent night with Simon standing next to me and I thought wow, my life has completely changed from last years BDO. I was pretty happy. Neil Young in his 67 year old body rocking out still made the whole thing even better, he played The Needle and the Damage Done which pretty much made my day.
This is the first day I haven't seen Simon at all since New Years Day. We have been in each others faces constantly for weeks now and it's kindof refreshing but I've been thinking all day about him and how bad I can be and how unnecessary so many fucked up moments I've caused have been and I feel well and truly weird about it because I can actually see things clearer that I'm not with him today.
I love Simon so so much, and I can't believe I can put someone as cool as him through the most stupid shit for nothing. He's never done anything to hurt me or make me feel bad, he's just been his amazing self this whole time, and I go and ruin because I don't even know and he's forgiven me way too many times and he always does so much and I fuck it up. When we are happy at the same time and we are being ourselves and we are actually being like normal friends it's so so good but then I just succumb into my ball sometimes and twist things and make things out to how they aren't' at all and it's so fucking frustrating for both of us especially him and now that's hes at Dougs today I'm like, woah. What's wring with me. I even cried at one point. And I feel so bad and I just want to be good and reasonable for the rest of my life now. I want to. Simon is not here today, and it's my time to realize how much of a fuck I am and he's not, that's what it actually comes down to. I want to be good, I can. I have to or else I will die in all aspects of my being, except my body, and in my opinion it's worse. If my body dies now and I die having changed form my fucked up self as opposed to living for years having not changed because I wanted to, then that's like. The ultimate most stupid thing I can think of ever doing. So all I need now is for the universe to open up to me and let me in..because I wanna.
I love seeing Simon happy, it makes me sooo happy when he's happy. And he is a happy person with such a happy, magic, charismatic nature, and it's so so beautiful and when were like that together it's so cool. There's been times lately when I see that in him with other people and then I feel so jealous and ugly inside because I feel like I can't have that with him or it's not the same as that person and I get all negative and it's so stupid because it puts him in the middle and he can't handle it. And it makes me feel so bad.
But Simon is way too special to treat that way, it's already happened with other people in my life, and if it can happen again with another person, I'm obviously not doing something right.
Doug is going back to Auckland tomorrow for a week then he's gonna go to France to stay with his family and be back in NZ in 6 months. Simon and Doug are best buddies and sometimes I love walking behind them because even though I don't know what they're talking about, I love analyzing their body language because it's so beautiful being able to visually see a friendship in silence.
So tomorrow I'm gonna be with Simon and Ash, it's like uniting time. Eeep! I can't wait. I love my friendz
This month has been so extremely weird and up and down and wild and crazy and up and down and indescribable and strange and i feel like such a nerd writing about my life in a white box. But it's ok because it will be in a book one day. No spell check either thank you.
I don't think I can really be assed with continuing my last blog, it's already a long one as it is and I kinda like the mystery of it at the end. To be continued... well here it is I'm continuing.
I just got off the phone to Ash for the second time tonight. He rang me not long ago and we spoke for half an hour, I thought it was my uncle Shale at first, and I got all excited and then it was Ash and I was even more excited. Everytime he rings he says hello like real subtly, and it never sounds like him. And it confused me even more cuz my phone didn't recognize the number. So yeah anyway Ash is coming over tomorrow and I'm happy because I haven't seen him in 6 weeks. Fuck!
Yesterday me Doug and Simon went to Big Day Out. It was wicked. It was a pretty significant day for me because the last Big Day Out I went to was where I made the decision to come to Australia, and one of the best moments I've ever had since I've been away took place last night while I was watching Neil Young on such a magnificent night with Simon standing next to me and I thought wow, my life has completely changed from last years BDO. I was pretty happy. Neil Young in his 67 year old body rocking out still made the whole thing even better, he played The Needle and the Damage Done which pretty much made my day.
This is the first day I haven't seen Simon at all since New Years Day. We have been in each others faces constantly for weeks now and it's kindof refreshing but I've been thinking all day about him and how bad I can be and how unnecessary so many fucked up moments I've caused have been and I feel well and truly weird about it because I can actually see things clearer that I'm not with him today.
I love Simon so so much, and I can't believe I can put someone as cool as him through the most stupid shit for nothing. He's never done anything to hurt me or make me feel bad, he's just been his amazing self this whole time, and I go and ruin because I don't even know and he's forgiven me way too many times and he always does so much and I fuck it up. When we are happy at the same time and we are being ourselves and we are actually being like normal friends it's so so good but then I just succumb into my ball sometimes and twist things and make things out to how they aren't' at all and it's so fucking frustrating for both of us especially him and now that's hes at Dougs today I'm like, woah. What's wring with me. I even cried at one point. And I feel so bad and I just want to be good and reasonable for the rest of my life now. I want to. Simon is not here today, and it's my time to realize how much of a fuck I am and he's not, that's what it actually comes down to. I want to be good, I can. I have to or else I will die in all aspects of my being, except my body, and in my opinion it's worse. If my body dies now and I die having changed form my fucked up self as opposed to living for years having not changed because I wanted to, then that's like. The ultimate most stupid thing I can think of ever doing. So all I need now is for the universe to open up to me and let me in..because I wanna.
I love seeing Simon happy, it makes me sooo happy when he's happy. And he is a happy person with such a happy, magic, charismatic nature, and it's so so beautiful and when were like that together it's so cool. There's been times lately when I see that in him with other people and then I feel so jealous and ugly inside because I feel like I can't have that with him or it's not the same as that person and I get all negative and it's so stupid because it puts him in the middle and he can't handle it. And it makes me feel so bad.
But Simon is way too special to treat that way, it's already happened with other people in my life, and if it can happen again with another person, I'm obviously not doing something right.
Doug is going back to Auckland tomorrow for a week then he's gonna go to France to stay with his family and be back in NZ in 6 months. Simon and Doug are best buddies and sometimes I love walking behind them because even though I don't know what they're talking about, I love analyzing their body language because it's so beautiful being able to visually see a friendship in silence.
So tomorrow I'm gonna be with Simon and Ash, it's like uniting time. Eeep! I can't wait. I love my friendz
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Saturday 17 January 2009 (The start of this blog is taken from what I wrote in my journal on 6 Jan 09)
Right now I am sitting in a park in Balmain, Sydney. I'm sitting with about 5 bags filled with things belonging to Simon and me. I'm alone right now because Sam & Simon have gone up to Woolworths to get some food so we can have a barbeque. I've been staying at Sam's Dad's ex wifes house with Sam since the 30th of Dec, and recently about 4 nights ago, Sion came over to stay. It's pretty much been amazing. I missioned it up to SYdney from Melbourne, well it wasn't really a mission, but I got a ride up with a guy at the last minute to Sydney. The plan was (& I was exhausted & freaking out all week leading up to New Years) to get to Sydney somehow, because all my friends were here, & I definitely wasn't accepting the thought of spending NYE at the house in Fitzroy.
I had been speaking with Sam about it, & he wanted me to come up & he was staying in his relatives house so he kindly assured me I was definitely sorted for a place to stay if I came up, which was wonderful, and the fact that I could stay in an actual house living with one of my best friends that I've met while being in Australia was such a good idea, I was so focussed & determined to get to Sydney. It was getting closer and closer to the 31st, and I was worrying about not being able to get there, and I had no money because I was waiting for it to be in my account from NZ, & I was hoping to God it would get there in time. I was looking up flights, buses, trains, and rideshares with people, but the trains were all sold out & buses and flight prices were fucking ridiculous because getting up there for New Years was such high demand. I was scared and worried.
Come the night of the 29th and I'm mixing my cake ready to bake in the oven when I get a call from a Canadian guy about a ride to Sydney the following morning. He had seen my ad on Gumtree titled 'I NEED A RIDE TO SYDNEY FOR NYE'. I was so happy and so so relived. He explained to me that it was him and another girl driving & just as he was about to tell me the address to meet up the next morning, I stopped him by telling him to just send me a text with the address instead and he was like cool, I'll do that now. So we hung up and I was waiting for this text with the address, relieved and excited out of my brains at the fact that I had a ride up, but I still felt a tiny bit sketchy because he hadn't text me the address yet, and two hours had passed.
I called him, with a phone card with about $1 on it because I didn't have credit on my phone yet, and I asked him why he hadn't texted the address yet and he said he completely forgot and that he'd do it as soon as we got off the phone. He still didn't text me, & I was back to my freaked out self again only worse because I thought I was guaranteed that I wasn't going. I stayed up late that night, watched Evan Almighty, shit, then had a shower & went to bed about 1. I couldn't sleep at all because these 2 people kept coming in and out of the room turning on the light & leaving it on, & there were these two kiwi bros freestyling in the kitchen like motherfuckers, so I just got up at 4am and stayed up for a while, money still not in my account, I had a joint with this guy Chris & went on the internet for a bit, then I finally went to sleep at about 6am or so. I slept on the beanbag in the lounge and got woken up at about 10am from other people in the house. I got up, dreading the fact that I had no plan yet and it was another gay day of gayness.
I went to get my phone because it was charging and saw that it had 2 missed calls and 3 text messages. One text was from the guy that 'didn't' get back to me and it had the address of where he was leaving from, but it didn't work out with going with who we were initially supposed to so he must've sorted another one out & blah. Anyway, biggest fucking coolness of my life, because when I read that text I was out the door in 5 minutes. My money still wasn't in, so I was kindof freaking out but I thought I just wanna get there & I'll work something out witht the driver like, I could just put money in his account or something when i does go in. I just had to get to Sydney!
So I got my stuff, got on the tram, & met them in town. There was the Canadian guy, a guy from Melbourne (the driver) and this girl that was from Melbourne, New York and New Orleans. So her accent was fucked. The drive was ok, it was such a good feeling to be leaving the city. I felt quite awkward knowing I had no money and knowing that at some point we'd be stopping and the gas subject would com up.So when we pulled into a gas station, I was like ahh fuck. But then the guy driving was like 'Ok, I'm gonna pay for the gas and we'll just work everything out at the end. How relieving in my balls. So that would give me time to work up the courage to say ohhh mate, do you think I could put money into your account for the trip etc etc.
So we drove to Sydney. Sweet as. 888kms. Fuck! We stopped in a town with a massive submarine in the middle of a park. I walked along it. It was mental. Like Keith. He's mental. Everytime we stopped I checked my account. And everytime it wasn't there I became more weirded out scaredy pants. But it was ok. I was so excited to see my loved ones and that's all that mattered. The drive was awesomeness. Australian countryside is really nice. It amazes me that Australia and New Zealand are quite close together and the climate and landscape are pretty much completely different. The people in the car weren't exactly the people I'd really hang around with, but it was ok. The girl gave me a sour strap. It was yum. Anyway I don't really wanna talk about the drive because I pretty much just wanted it over and done with. Some parts annoyed me. Like, when I was in the front seat, and the girl was driving, I asked if I could put a song on with the ipod but the driver guy that owned the ipod was sitting in the back and he'd just be like 'yeah, pass it here and I'll pick a song' and it was really awkward at one point because the girl said 'yeah when we get to Sydney we shouldn't all just leave each other straight away we should stay with each other and have a few drinks' and it all went silent it was weird.
We stopped in a town for dinner. And we had made numerous stops before that for food, and I was trying to be as discreet as I could by not buying food because I didn't want them to figure out I had no money and then think that I was just gonna do a runner or something when we got to Sydney. I wasn't. I swear. So anyway we stopped for dinner and I really wanted to get the guy driving on his own so I could just explain my situation and that I was happy to put money in his account or whatever. So I got him alone, and I told him the story, and I did numerous sexual favours for him to make up for it. It couldn't have worked out better.
Anyway that's not true, I got him alone and I explained everything and to my surprise he was completely cool with it. I was so happy. That was while we were sitting in his car then I got out straight after that and walked to the ATM machine and what do you know. My money was there. What are the chances. Then I turned around and said to him yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!. So that gay shit was over and I was free.
tbc
I had been speaking with Sam about it, & he wanted me to come up & he was staying in his relatives house so he kindly assured me I was definitely sorted for a place to stay if I came up, which was wonderful, and the fact that I could stay in an actual house living with one of my best friends that I've met while being in Australia was such a good idea, I was so focussed & determined to get to Sydney. It was getting closer and closer to the 31st, and I was worrying about not being able to get there, and I had no money because I was waiting for it to be in my account from NZ, & I was hoping to God it would get there in time. I was looking up flights, buses, trains, and rideshares with people, but the trains were all sold out & buses and flight prices were fucking ridiculous because getting up there for New Years was such high demand. I was scared and worried.
Come the night of the 29th and I'm mixing my cake ready to bake in the oven when I get a call from a Canadian guy about a ride to Sydney the following morning. He had seen my ad on Gumtree titled 'I NEED A RIDE TO SYDNEY FOR NYE'. I was so happy and so so relived. He explained to me that it was him and another girl driving & just as he was about to tell me the address to meet up the next morning, I stopped him by telling him to just send me a text with the address instead and he was like cool, I'll do that now. So we hung up and I was waiting for this text with the address, relieved and excited out of my brains at the fact that I had a ride up, but I still felt a tiny bit sketchy because he hadn't text me the address yet, and two hours had passed.
I called him, with a phone card with about $1 on it because I didn't have credit on my phone yet, and I asked him why he hadn't texted the address yet and he said he completely forgot and that he'd do it as soon as we got off the phone. He still didn't text me, & I was back to my freaked out self again only worse because I thought I was guaranteed that I wasn't going. I stayed up late that night, watched Evan Almighty, shit, then had a shower & went to bed about 1. I couldn't sleep at all because these 2 people kept coming in and out of the room turning on the light & leaving it on, & there were these two kiwi bros freestyling in the kitchen like motherfuckers, so I just got up at 4am and stayed up for a while, money still not in my account, I had a joint with this guy Chris & went on the internet for a bit, then I finally went to sleep at about 6am or so. I slept on the beanbag in the lounge and got woken up at about 10am from other people in the house. I got up, dreading the fact that I had no plan yet and it was another gay day of gayness.
I went to get my phone because it was charging and saw that it had 2 missed calls and 3 text messages. One text was from the guy that 'didn't' get back to me and it had the address of where he was leaving from, but it didn't work out with going with who we were initially supposed to so he must've sorted another one out & blah. Anyway, biggest fucking coolness of my life, because when I read that text I was out the door in 5 minutes. My money still wasn't in, so I was kindof freaking out but I thought I just wanna get there & I'll work something out witht the driver like, I could just put money in his account or something when i does go in. I just had to get to Sydney!
So I got my stuff, got on the tram, & met them in town. There was the Canadian guy, a guy from Melbourne (the driver) and this girl that was from Melbourne, New York and New Orleans. So her accent was fucked. The drive was ok, it was such a good feeling to be leaving the city. I felt quite awkward knowing I had no money and knowing that at some point we'd be stopping and the gas subject would com up.So when we pulled into a gas station, I was like ahh fuck. But then the guy driving was like 'Ok, I'm gonna pay for the gas and we'll just work everything out at the end. How relieving in my balls. So that would give me time to work up the courage to say ohhh mate, do you think I could put money into your account for the trip etc etc.
So we drove to Sydney. Sweet as. 888kms. Fuck! We stopped in a town with a massive submarine in the middle of a park. I walked along it. It was mental. Like Keith. He's mental. Everytime we stopped I checked my account. And everytime it wasn't there I became more weirded out scaredy pants. But it was ok. I was so excited to see my loved ones and that's all that mattered. The drive was awesomeness. Australian countryside is really nice. It amazes me that Australia and New Zealand are quite close together and the climate and landscape are pretty much completely different. The people in the car weren't exactly the people I'd really hang around with, but it was ok. The girl gave me a sour strap. It was yum. Anyway I don't really wanna talk about the drive because I pretty much just wanted it over and done with. Some parts annoyed me. Like, when I was in the front seat, and the girl was driving, I asked if I could put a song on with the ipod but the driver guy that owned the ipod was sitting in the back and he'd just be like 'yeah, pass it here and I'll pick a song' and it was really awkward at one point because the girl said 'yeah when we get to Sydney we shouldn't all just leave each other straight away we should stay with each other and have a few drinks' and it all went silent it was weird.
We stopped in a town for dinner. And we had made numerous stops before that for food, and I was trying to be as discreet as I could by not buying food because I didn't want them to figure out I had no money and then think that I was just gonna do a runner or something when we got to Sydney. I wasn't. I swear. So anyway we stopped for dinner and I really wanted to get the guy driving on his own so I could just explain my situation and that I was happy to put money in his account or whatever. So I got him alone, and I told him the story, and I did numerous sexual favours for him to make up for it. It couldn't have worked out better.
Anyway that's not true, I got him alone and I explained everything and to my surprise he was completely cool with it. I was so happy. That was while we were sitting in his car then I got out straight after that and walked to the ATM machine and what do you know. My money was there. What are the chances. Then I turned around and said to him yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!. So that gay shit was over and I was free.
tbc
Friday, January 2, 2009
3 jan 09 oooooh
Sammys im sorry because you went to geyt us some kepaps! i got beef. and lam and i call simon lamby and onve time i acalled him lambs brains but he didnt like it. he was like didi you you just call me lamdbs brains? and i said im sorry sikmon! i feel bad today because we were just watching some office and i didnt neam to get too vomit material but i fell asaleep on the oilet ground and it was a liottle bit embarrassing because id
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