I'm pretty much in complete limbo right now. I'm going home. But it's like 8/10 I'm going home. The other 2% is like so itchy in my brain and it's so gay. It's like this little inkling of this little persuasive voice telling me to stay and that going home is giving up and ruining my chances and it's not going to be good for me to go back and blah blah blah, but in reality, I literally cannot stay in Melbourne any longer as it costs me money that I don't have every single night. It's such a horrible feeling. I hate decisions like this.
I can't believe it's actually come to this though, it scares me when I read my old enthusiastic blogs about how I'm gonna work and live in Melbourne and save up and all that motivation and happiness seems to have gone right out the window. It just disappeared. And now I just feel confused all the time and drown my brain in money worry then get stoned til I can't handle it to not think about it. I have failed at Australia and I know it. I hate to know it but I did not do what I wanted here. Not at all. I'm a fucking dreamer.
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