3 feb 09

In the middle of all the fun, sometimes I wish I never came away from home. And in the middle of all the fun of facebook, deep down I absolutely hate the sight of facebook. It's full of bullshit fucking photos of the same old shit chicks holding their fucking chick sweet drinks in their chick glasses and fucking crap statuses like 'so and so: can't wait til (insert amazing event that probably wont take place here). Anyway I didn't come on here to write about fuckbook. I don't know what I did. I want to write it. But don't want to. Theres some people I wish I never met. It sounds so wrong to say it but it's sad because when they are from the other side of the world it's more scary. If you connect with someone like you do with your best friends back home it's hard. I don't know. I think I'm just coming to terms with the fact that Melbourne days with Simon are over. And everything's gonna change. I just wanna go home for a little while. Sort my life out and talk to people and sit with my cat and my records for a bit. I'm such a fuck. Seriously. Why am I going home? Why can't it just be normal. I feel like if I tell Simon I want to go home he'll think that I'm saying it because I want him to come back from Mildura and I wish me and him were just regular fucking friends like Hi hows it going What are you doing not sarcastic all around because we know each other so fucking well but then that's actually an amazing thing to have with someone so I don't know why I'm not thankful because if it was just normal 'how I want it' then I'd probably want it to be how it is now. It's like this fucking thing that's so annoying and then I write a massive hello message asking how he is and I don't even send it because I feel too embarrassed because he doesn't like facebook and hates long messages and replying to people and I feel like if I write one he'll think I'm just writing it to see if he'll reply and then we'll have to keep on writing to each other because who's gonna stop replying and then I think if a friendship has to be this questionable for me why even have it with that person then I think how can I think that because Simon is so wonderful to me. Everything seems to be contradicting everything and I don't know what to do. I'm such a freak. I just wish.