October 3rd 2008

so i like, get on the tram. and the last stop is like 3 mins away, so im like, why the hell did the old man at the information desk give me shite information and tell me to go the opposite direction hellooo so i get off and its raining like a bitch and im like, ok cool, so i dont even know how to get there! i was trying to meet this guy at his restaurant or whatever for a possible kitchen hand job.. sweet. i rang him, and i was like im coming now and he was all like yeah hawthorne rd st kilda and im like yeah ill write the address on my leg than and see you within like now and half an hour so i like get fucked over by trams and rain and people who think they know how to get to places

so i come to the library to go on google maps to find this fucker of a place and the address dont even exist! bitch on toast! SCREW you. you are a facker, you loser! dumb. fuck! so ill ring him tomorrow. ok? happy? cool. im listening to tool for like the first ime in 83 years.

I miss Simon. I miss Ashley. I miss Damien. I miss Doug. I feel bad. and embarrassed. and unecessary, the last time I saw them was on the tram on the way to there work, then i had to just drop into a bad mood and go 'oh i gotta go' and walked off the tram without them hardly knowing. i havent even heard from them since then. only Damo. and he told us to tell them when wed get there last night, and that was at 8pm, and so we get there like 4 hours later, and try call them while were outside there hostel, and no answer blah blah blah, im just a bit nervous, i feel a bit scared and stupid. i tried texting Ash, but he didnt reply. I just want to see them. there all like getting on with it and having fun boy time and being all like yeeeeeah were boys and were mischevious little buddies (cute!) and i feel like the stupid idiot girl baby that is like totally opposite and a waste of time. and plain annoying. fuck me. i just really hope to god therenot angry with me. and dont want to see me again. i just wanna see there faces and we all smile and go 'Love you friend!' and thats all. and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah im sorry. I'm sorry! I'm sorry ok. I promise I love you all and I'll try and try. if its my job I'll slave til the end. I love you.